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follow my heart and travel.. Or not?

We are both 19, I'm at uni.. He works and is about to change careers and wants to get into the new job asap. I don't want to spend the money carelessly and he's already thinking about using some to move houses to be closer to the new job
4 years ago, September 14th 2015 No: 1 Msg: #193059  
B Posts: 2
What do I do? My mother recently passed away and after dealing with family greed and needing lawyers I might come out with a bit of money. I'm engaged (my partner proposed 3 days prior to my mums death- not sure if he would have done it but I was upset about all the things she wouldn't experience with me; marriage, children etc). Ever since then I have had Europe on my mind, I would love to go on a 3-4 month trip but my partner is just about to apply for a new job he is passionate about and would only have 5 weeks off per year. I've spoken to him about how much I want this and he said each year we could go to Europe for a few weeks. This is a once in a lifetime chance, I could afford this trip whilst I'm not tied down to a job. We have had issue in the relationship so I'm not sure if we would lasts long anyway so I'm hesitant to use the money. I could either pay a house deposit or travel. I know it's kinda selfish to want to use the money for travel but I can't help wanting it. He doesn't understand and thinks I want to go on an overly long holiday. I broached the idea of me going on my own but he said he would be worried about our relationship if I wanted to leave him and go on a holiday ( pretty sure he doesn't trust me even though I've never done anything wrong). Whilst the offer to travel yearly for his allotted time off was a nice gesture (after a fight) I don't see it happening as he would probably eat into his time off to see his family or for other occasions and I know it's not fair to ask him to put aside 2-3 years of holidays to satisfy my urge to travel. Not to mention that many trips would be costly.

I want to see the world in a way my mother never did. Sorry this is so long but I'm feeling very conflicted. Reply to this

4 years ago, September 15th 2015 No: 2 Msg: #193073  
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.

As to your question, you are only 19. You should put your inheritance in safe investments or invest in your education, but don't blow it on expensive travel with a boyfriend who you do not trust ("we have issues in our relationship" and your not sure what is motives were for proposing to you days before you inherited a large amount of money). Don't be like the winners of lotteries who blow everything and are bankrupt in a year.

That said, you are asking a community of travelers whether you should travel to Europe. Of course, you should if you can live within a strict budget like many other young people your age who backpack around the world. Stay at hostels...not hotels...eat simply...not a fancy restaurants, for example.

As we are approaching winter...not a good time to visit Europe as the days are short and cold...I suggest planning for next spring or summer (if you are a student by then). This will give you time to reflect and plan. You should start by reading the blogs by those you have been to places you are interested in to see how they did it.

Having traveled by train around Europe when I graduated from high school and then having lived in Europe for 18 years, I would be pleased to provide you some suggestions if you could tell me what particular areas of Europe you are interested in and why.

But since you seem to be confused and seeking direction in life, you might consider walking the Camino de Santiago de Compostelo (goggle it), a thousand year old pilgrimage way across northern Spain walked by many in your same situation. It is very inexpensive...$30/day for room, board, and transportation (your legs), and you meet many wonderful people from all over the world...just a thought!

And ditch the boyfriend...he sounds like a control freak and the lack of trust is not a good foundation for a relationship. Reply to this

4 years ago, September 17th 2015 No: 3 Msg: #193102  
These kind of questions are always so hard to answer. I can't pretend to tell you what might be best for you but--- you've asked.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. My thoughts are with you.
The death of your mother will not be easy to deal with. I would not make any substantial decisions until she has been gone for 6 months. So in my opinion you should not spend any of the money until March or April. Tuck it away and consider all options.
See how your relationship is going in the spring. Please don't get married yet. Wait a few months as you are going through a lot.

Your profile does not say where you are from so I'm unclear on how far you would have to travel to get to Europe. I think you need to get away so maybe you could do a long weekend at a spa by yourself and read a book, hike or something else you enjoy. Maybe some time away to think would be helpful.
Is there someplace close by that you've always wanted to go.

If you think it is even vaguely possible that your boyfriend asked you to marry him, not out of love but because of an emotional situation with your mother I would reconsider this situation. Marriage is a partnership and entering it for the wrong reasons or with doubt is never good. I would trust your gut instinct and reconsider this relationship at this time. At least stop long enough to question what is going on.

Why do you think he does not trust you.?
How secure was your relationship with your boyfriend prior to your mother's death. Did he know you would inherit money?
You've got lots of questions to answer.

Hopefully you will let us know what you decide.
Sorry for your loss.

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4 years ago, September 22nd 2015 No: 4 Msg: #193199  
B Posts: 2
Hi thank you for the responses. I live in Australia so going to Europe is like a 24 he flight with layovers. If I was to travel I would budget carefully and I would love to visit:
Paris, nice, Monaco and maybe stop by st tropez
Milan, Venice, cinque terra, Florrence, Rome
Athens, Santorini/Mykonos
Maybe Croatia and Montenegro
Moscow, st Petersburg
Munich, Berlin
Vienna/ Prague and/or Budapest
And anywhere else that's recommended

He proposed the night I had just got back from visiting my dad in Queensland.. At the time I was so shocked and my first thought wasn't to say yes.. But I felt bad. I can't definitively know his reasons but I can't help think that it wasn't because he wanted to.... He said we would have a long engagement so 5 years or so. No I don't think he knew about the money as I didn't really know either.

He doesn't want me to go off on my own to do things. He says that's not what engaged people do so it's starting to feel like a leash I have been put on. If we do go to Europe inevitably I would be paying for him as he doesn't have money.

We were having issues prior to the death.. But I hadn't truly began to doubt us yet. He doesn't trust me as when I have assignments to do with guys he doubts my loyalty to him, he constantly brings up my past (mine is slightly longer than his) from when we have been with other people.

Sorry for the late reply
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4 years ago, September 22nd 2015 No: 5 Msg: #193203  
I think Home and Away and D MJ Binkley have given some sound advice. Obviously none of us on here can dictate what you can and can't do, but please remember that you're only 19 and that you have SO much time ahead of you. I live in England and, until recently, hadn't really spent that much time travelling around Europe as I often chose to go to more distant continents. With that said, I have just got back from a trip that encompassed London, Paris, the Rhine Valley, Munich, the Tyrol in Austria, Venice, Lucerne, Lauterbrunnen and Paris. I've just turned 28. I actually met a lot of Australians along the way, some girls who were solo travellers in their mid twenties, some who had boyfriends back home who they were returning to once they had finished in Europe. A lot of them had been to the places where you wanted to go, and pretty much all of them were older than you. I think just take a bit of time and space to ensure that you are making rational decisions first, as it sounds like you've been through a tough time. There is no rush.

It's difficult for a forum of people who you don't know to make any comments on relationship issues, however the fact that you've said that your first thought 'wasn't to say yes', and that you feel like you're having a 'leash' being put on you, seems almost like a warning bell to me. Maybe it's something you should talk about with your partner first. This may sound selfish, but you've got to look out for number one (you). I've got a blog on my profile which might actually be very relevant to you: 'Lost and Found: a Solo Traveller's Perspective.' This isn't me trying to promote myself; this is me trying to be helpful, saying that you need to be brave enough to listen to what your heart is telling you to do and think about having a life with no regrets, even if it involves making sacrifices. It's worth you asking yourself what YOU want: do you want a successful relationship with this person (which may involve a lot of compromise)? Or do you want to travel without compromise? Some people are lucky enough to be able to have both at the same time, but can you see it working for you?

This is just a personal anecdote, and I don't wish to use it as a means of influencing you at all because it's your decision to make, but it may help you so it's worth a shot. I have been to many different places and met people from all walks of life, however this year I fell truly and helplessly in love with somebody from home. And I was happy, I really was. But when a close friend of mine died, I understandably began to struggle and broke down. All I asked for was his time and support, which isn't such a selfish thing to ask for, but I never got it. I have been strong enough to understand that, despite my feelings, our relationship would not have been a good one to continue because of the way he was with me. Obviously I was incredibly hurt and damaged around that time, so I chose to travel. I escaped to Madrid for a weekend to see a friend, and then travelled around Europe and have met the most amazing people and it always gives me so much confidence in being myself. Travel is a healer and it also strengthens your character and opens your eyes. I know that, had I stayed in my previous relationship, I would have never been able to go to where I wanted to go, nor would I have met such brilliant people who have seriously changed my life. Friends at home are settling and having children, but I choose to travel and will end up moving abroad very soon to start a new part of my life which, for me personally, is more exciting.

I know this has been a lengthy response and that I've focused on aspects of my own life and not yours, but it is relevant and I hope it has been helpful to you. All I'm saying is that sometimes you have to go through pain to get what your heart truly wants. It takes courage, but the decision is yours to make and you have to be brave enough to be the one to do it. Don't rush into anything; take your time to think carefully. Just don't be afraid once your mind is made up. If your partner isn't comfortable with the idea of you travelling on your own and isn't open to letting you do it, you need to think about what it is that you will regret the most. Reply to this

4 years ago, September 22nd 2015 No: 6 Msg: #193220  
Both Kayle and Mary Jo have given great advice. Mine was perhaps a bit abrupt...telling you what to do rather than suggesting caution when YOU make the decision regarding relationships. That wasn't my place to do so. It was a natural reaction given that my daughter was in a destructive, controlling relationship which fortunately ended. Counseling helped her develop a better self image, and she is now happily married.

As for your travel plans, they sound fantastic...and bring back so many memories! You've hit the absolutely must see cities, except missing Barcelona, Spain which isn't that much out of the way when going from Paris to the French Riviera. In this case, I would recommend London - Netherlands (see recommendation below regarding the return trip) - Switzerland - Paris - Barcelona - French Riviera - Italy.

I would also suggest seeing some countryside or smaller towns...Lauterbrunnen in the Bernese Oberland rather than Zurich, Antibes rather than Nice (all the towns along the Riviera are easily accessed by rail), Sirmione on Lake Garda rather than Milan...and Cinque Terra on your itinerary qualifies in spades as small town destinations! After Venice, Florence, the Cinque Terra, and Rome, I would suggest continuing down the Italian peninsula to Pompeii, the Amalfi Coast (Positano!) and Capri. You can then catch a direct flight on a discount airlines from nearby Naples to Santorini (another daughter and her husband did that last year). Then ferries to Mykonos and Athens. Your "maybe" for Montenegro and Croatia, should be a "must" as these countries, along with Slovenia, are on your way from Greece to Central Europe. I would suggest ferries which are a great way to see the Adriatic/Dalmatian Coast. Get off the ferry in Split and take the train or bus (cheaper) to Zagreb, Ljubljana, Munich, Vienna, Budapest, Prague and Berlin.

I would visit Russia on you way back to Australia as it is really out of the way when gong from Central Europe back to London, unless you skip Amsterdam on your way back to London, as mentioned above, and instead go from Berlin through Poland and the Baltic Republics and Helsinki to St Petersburg and Moscow and from there via the Trans Mongolian Express all the way to Beijing! From there the possibilities are endless!

Forgive me for making too many comments, but I love planning itineraries almost as much as actually traveling them! Reply to this

4 years ago, September 29th 2015 No: 7 Msg: #193318  
As a Moderator I have just classified you as a Blogger. We look forward to reading about your travels! Reply to this

4 years ago, October 1st 2015 No: 8 Msg: #193345  

So sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like you've had to deal with some difficult things after her passing.

I think visiting Europe a few weeks each sounds like a nice idea, but then again, once you're there, it's better to cover as much ground as possible because you will have already spent the time and money to get there. I've found it incredibly easy to get around Europe, but it can be a bit pricey at times.

Have you ever thought about taking a gap year and going on an adventure? There are some great companies out there and I had a friend who went to Australia with one and she had a blast! I'm not sure which company she went with, but I know they included a lot things in their packages.

I did a quick search and found this company <snip> but I cannot tell you whether or not they're any good, but they look pretty legit and have some pretty awesome looking packages. The pictures look really enticing too. Could be a great place to start if you're looking for a great adventure!
[Edited: 2015 Oct 02 10:34 - traveltalesofawoollymammoth:258356 - No URL addresses please]
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4 years ago, October 25th 2015 No: 9 Msg: #193734  
I don't know if most people here would agree, but I think sometimes it's not a bad idea to start with a shorter trip (maybe a month) if you aren't completely sure you want to do a longer 2-3 month or more trip. Obviously a lot of people have the time of their lives on extended trips, but then again for a lot of people they find that they're ready to go home after a month or so. Some people find that they need a break from their vacation and are no longer interested in seeing tourist attractions or meeting people at the hostel and going through the "where are you from / how long have you been travelling / where are you going to next" small chat yet again. There's a documentary called "A Map for Saturday" (you can probably find it online). It gives you a good sense as to what to expect from extended travelling so you can think about whether it makes sense for you. Reply to this

4 years ago, November 1st 2015 No: 10 Msg: #193819  
Sorry to hear about your loss.

This is just my 2 cents.

Be careful what you do with your money. Buying a house with the right person can be fantastic and a good investment. However, since the relationship seems far from perfect, I would advise not to do it for two reasons :

- While a house can be an investment, if the relationship doesn't last long it can lead to cost you a lot of money. You usually won't recover all the fees if you have to resell quickly.

- You might feel an obligation to stay in a relationship you don't want anymore because you bought a house together and it's a bit complicated to sell the house, share the furnitures, etc.

Should you decide to buy a house anyway, make sure it is clearly stated that you personnally provided the down payment and should you have to sell, you will get your money back (it must not be shared 50-50).

I don't think I would want to be with a person who won't let me go on a trip by myself. I always invite my significant other an all trips I do but if he doesn't want to come, I go anyway.

However, maybe you could compromise (if you feel like it). Do a 1-month trip on your own (this way, you don't pay for him and you can keep some money for later use). This is not too, too long and will show him he can trust you (or show you are a better without him). And for the places he'd like to see with you the most, you can return in a few years for another month and then he'll have saved enough money to pay is share.

Saying that, I also have ditched everything earlier in my life to travel just a bit and I never regretted it. But I ditched an alcoholic boyfriend, I had been advised that my office would close and was able to find somebody to rent my appartment without losing any money). For ME, it was a good move, new start but it's not always the best solution. Reply to this

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