Does anyone else seemed to get ignored by friends and family at home while they are traveling? Any ideas why people at home seem to pull away?
Wow, I was always under the impression that we'd have to give up traveling when we had kids, but now I see it as not only an educational tool, but an excuse for us to travel
Reply to this Yes the advice you get for being a parent is more than trying. I hated it when people would look at me when I was pregnant and ask me if I knew how that happened. Grrr - Finally got a good response, "Yes, and if you are having trouble with it, I might be able to advise you."
One of the better pieces of advise I got was, "Don't take advise from people who don't have children as old as your children." Until they reach that point, it is all theory.
Often in time where you feel you have been hurt. The best way I can find to bridge a gap is to do something magnanimous for the person who hurt me. All of a sudden they realize there might be a better way of handling it and reach out back to you. Send her a stuffed animal for the baby.
Reply to this "Don't take advise from people who don't have children as old as your children."
Even some parents with kids older seem to have selective memories. They dont seem to have learned from their own experience to not harass parents. I have been given the dreadful advice and been told what I am doing wrong by those too. One time I was in a supermarket when my daughter was 2. She had got into the habit of making a loud pitched scream about every 5 minutes for no reason at all. A women told me that my daugher is not normal, because her child never did that. She then went on to tell me that I did something wrong and this is what caused it.
For those who dont have kids, this unsolciited advice we receive is not occasional. It happens on a regular basis. Daily even, when your child is a baby or toddler.
Reply to this True Mel - some have forgotten. I remember getting an anonymous letter once - telling me how bad a parent I was.
Reply to this .....anonymous letter ....
How obnoxious!
I was taking with some women on a parenting site. Some of the things they said about what people said about their parenting was outrageous. Some even had had visits from the Child Protection Services because neighbours had phoned them. The CPS people usually just visited them once and then went away.
When I was pregnant one of the chapters in my childcare book was about how to deal with unsolicited advice. The chapter said that if anything attracts unsolicited advice givers more than a pregnant woman, it is a mother with a baby.
Reply to this I hated it when people would look at me when I was pregnant and ask me if I knew how that happened.
If they had given it an educated guess, they would have realised that a man with wings and a halo came down from heaven to visit you and that was that. :D
Reply to this Back on to the original subject of the post. We've been away nearly 5 months and I also think there are some notable absentees from my friends when it comes to keeping in contact. I'm thinking in particular of some of my old drinking friends. I've sent a few emails their way but had nothing back. When I do send emails to people back home I'm always very careful not to talk about what I'm doing and stick to subjects we both have in common. Thinking that people back home don't want to have it rubbed in their faces what a good time I'm having, although I could write thousands of words about things we do from week to week (and I do, on travelblog). One of the reasons I started a travelblog was so that I didn't have to impose what a good time I'm having on friends email in-boxes, they can choose to look at my travelblog or not its up to them. I had a friend that went to Africa and sent these lengthy emails to everyone on his email list about his adventures for a whole year and behind his back his friends were saying how self indulgent and boring his emails were. I've noticed in general that people who do seem to leave comments on the blog are what I think of as fringe people in our lives, my wife's old work colleagues, members of family I don't see much of. Some of our closest friends don't keep in contact all that much. Could be because as well as travelling for a year we have also emigrated and maybe people are thinking there's no point in keeping in touch with us as they might never see us again. But I do think the green eye of envy has a lot to do with it. So many of my friends and so many people in the UK in general are dissatisfied with their lot. Their choice of partner, their jobs. Constantly feeling they have to fill their lives with more and more crap like plasma screen TV's, bigger cars, bigger houses etc. Life is quite oppressive in the UK which is why we don't live there anymore. I think some of my friends are simply jealous that we have had the bollocks to leave it all behind and that's why I don't hear from them today.
Reply to this Hi,
I must admit I share most of John comments...this is life...
Reply to this I had a friend that went to Africa and sent these lengthy emails to everyone on his email list about his adventures for a whole year and behind his back his friends were saying how self indulgent and boring his emails were.
I think sometimes it can be a persons writing style that is offputting rather than the fact that they are talking about their travels. I had a friend who wrote the most detailed accounts of everything he did while travelling and sent it to everybody on a mailing list including me. If he arrived in a town, found a hotel and had lunch it would take him 2 pages to say it. If I ever made the mistake of email chatting with him about his travels, he would say something like ''are you always on the internet''. It seemed like an accusation or critisism. That and the long detailed emails were so off putting that I actually stopped reading his emails and when he tried to engage me in conversation I didnt respond, mostly because I would be accused of something like always being on the internet no matter which of us started the discussion.
Reply to this Hello John, and welcome to the Forum!
I concur with most of your post as well - I rarely talk about my travels with people unless I'm asked. I usually have a brief 1-2 minute overview of my 3 most memorable moments, but that is about it. I usually suggest people follow my blog as those really interested in my journeys can read about them there.
There are two exceptions - first, if someone starts asking very specific questions about a destination or experience (rather than: How was it? or, What was your favourite country?) then I talk in a more detailed manner.
Secondly, if someone is travelling to a place I've visited, then I am quite liberal in offering to share information and suggestions.
I don't have a plasma TV, mortgage or a car - travelling is my favourite way to spend money! This is quite an alien concept to most people, hence the reason for the disconnect from many of my friends, families and work colleagues.
Reply to this The main thing that was really getting to me, before my friend so helpfully told me that we do not have much in common anymore, was that I rarely ever mention my travels in my emails, unless I get an email asking me where I am or what I am doing, and even then, I only give a brief overview before asking them how they are doing.
One friend who has been ignoring me recently was like the person John described emailing from Africa. She was on a round the world trip a few years back when I was pregnant and stuck at home feeling really grotty, and I got weekly gloating emails telling me everything she had done in minute detail, never once asking how I was, and always ending in how sorry she was that I was now never going to have those experiences, and how I must be so glad I could live vicariously through her! Actually, maybe thats why shes so pissed off at me now.....
Reply to this we have also emigrated and maybe people are thinking there's no point in keeping in touch with us as they might never see us again
Hi John. While we didn't emigrate (although I wish we could, lucky you!) we moved to the other side of the UK about three years ago, hundreds of miles away from all our friends, the same thing happend with the people we knew too. We had comments like 'you'll be meeting so many new people you will be so busy with new friends' etc, but unfortunatly, that didn't happen for us, and I felt like I needed friends from home more than ever (still do). Whenever we invited them up to stay, or we offered to go down and visit, we got all the 'you must be busy with you new life, don't worry about us' comments, when nothing could have been further from the truth, but it made me feel like too much of a loser to admit that to them, so I ended never up seeing most of them again.
However, a close friend and her family moved back to Australia a couple of years ago, and we have been out there to visit them twice since!
Reply to this I got weekly gloating emails telling me everything she had done in minute detail, never once asking how I was, and always ending in how sorry she was that I was now never going to have those experiences, and how I must be so glad I could live vicariously through her!
This comment makes me wonder if this person is a real friend to you. I presume there is more to the relationship between you and her than this type of interaction. She seems to be determined to put you down no matter what you are doing with your life. Sometimes if a friendship becomes more negative than positive, I think it is best to end it. I dont know for sure if this is the case with yours or not.
Reply to this She is just one of those people in life who thrives off putting others down to make herself feel better. I have met quite a few people like that, but I am really laid back and tend just to say and think, 'great, good for you!' rather than getting upset and envious, which tends to wind them up even more! I am quite happy with the loose plan I have laid out for my life, I knew I would travel one day, even when she and others had assumed that part of my life was over.
And yes, I would end the frienship, however we grew up next door to each other, our parents are friends so there are occasional family get togethers etc which would be awkward if I told her where to shove it. I just deal with her in small doses now. Like I said, shes one of those insecure people who sadly, always try and make others feel as bad as they do.
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