The Long Road to Brazil


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South America
January 10th 2009
Published: January 10th 2009
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LOS ANTIGUOS / CHILE CHICO / COYHAIQUE / PUERTO CHACABUCO



El Chalten was great and would have been even better if we could have done some more hiking. Unfortunately having three broken toes hampers your ability to do a lot of things—hiking in the gorgeous mountainside, rock climbing up a cliff face, putting on a clean pair of socks. You see breaking one toe is unfortunate, breaking two toes is unpleasant, breaking three toes when you only had five to begin with is a freaking Greek tragedy! I hobbled around for over a week but when you're on the road you just have to roll with it. So that what we did.
It was time to move on and though we love Argentina we decided to cross over to Chile to save some dough. Now when we tell people this—at least those that haven't been traveling in South America in a couple of years or those toting a Lonely Planet guidebook—we get looks of utter incredulity. You see as little as two years ago Chile was the expensive country and Argentina was the cheap one. Not any more my friends. According to locals and ex-pats alike Argentine prices have gone through the roof in the last couple of years. Remember though, this is all relative, Argentina is still much cheaper than Brazil and of course the U.S. or Europe. Moreover, considering how amazing the country is, it's still a bargain. Yet as budget travelers who are always seeking a cheaper way of doing things, we decided to dash over the border in order to save some cash.
More than just saving money we were motivated by another reason. We had discovered a ship called Navimag that would take us up the Chilean coast for $50 US each. We love ships! Only one catch, we were leaving El Chalten on the 2nd of December and the ship started boarding on the night of the December 4th. That meant we had about two days to take an overnight bus trip, a minibus across the border, a boat across the lake, a shuttle to the town where we had to buy the tickets for the ship and then another two buses to get to the port. All this on three broken toes, no sweat. What could possibly go wrong?
After a long bumpy night—the road from El Chalten to Los Antiguos is mostly unpaved gravel road—and a minor incident with a flat tire—which all the tourists on the bus decided to stand in the middle of the highway and take pictures of until they were ordered by the bus driver to get on the bus before they get run over—we arrived in Los Antiguos. After a short shuttle ride and a couple of border crossings and we were back in Chile. Chile Chico is a tiny town with not much to recommend it except you can catch a boat across the lake to get to Coyhaique. We spent the night and caught the first boat leaving the next day at 1 pm.
The boat crossing was delightful given the beautiful scenery and our love for boats. On the other side of the lake we had to catch a shuttle to nearby Coyhaique. When we reached the shore there where to shuttle buses waiting and because I now limped along at a shockingly slow pace both buses were nearly full by the time we got to them. The guy asked if we would mind riding in separate buses. I personally hated the plan but Kevin gave me a kiss told me everything would be fine and hopped on the other bus. As soon as my bus took off I realized that there had been another seat available on the bus that some woman had her purse sitting in! I couldn't believe it! My poor husband had to go in a separate bus just so she didn't have to sit next to anyone. The nerve! I really wanted to tell her off but instead I satisfied myself with fantasizing about tearing her hair one piece at a time. About 20 minutes into the 1 ½ hour trip the bus I was not stopped to render aid to some motorists stranded on the side of the road. The bus driver had a lengthy conversation with the people on the side of the road and I started to get worried that the other bus would arrive long before us and Kevin would be worried. The driver offered a ride to one of the people in the last remaining seat on the bus and the woman with her purse in the seat huffed and made a big deal about having to both sit next to someone and hold her purse in her lap. At that point I really did want to punch her, first for being such a brat and then for holding all of us up even longer with her protests. Finally one of the guys got in and we were off again. 40 minutes later we stopped again to let some off and pick up a package. I was getting really nervous by this time cause I figured we must be half an hour behind the other bus and I had no way of telling Kevin what was going on. I was relieved when we reached Coyhaique until the driver stood up and started asking everyone where they wanted to be dropped off. Apparently we weren't going to a central bus terminal like we thought, this was door-to-door service. Now I was in a full-blown panic. The driver had finished asking everyone where they wanted to go and turned to me and asked if I would like to be dropped off in the center of town. I lost it! I cried in Spanish that I didn't know where I wanted to go I just wanted my husband back. It finally dawned on him the mistake they had made and he pulled out a hand held radio and frantically to call the driver of the other bus. After calling over the radio a few times, he turned to me and said not to worry that we would find Kevin. DON'T WORRY! Are you crazy!?!? I've just lost my husband in a city I know nothing about in a country where people speak in a nearly unintelligible manner and we have a ship to catch in 4 hours! We rode along in silence until only 2 other passengers were left on the bus besides me and there was still no word from the other bus. I was nearly to the point of tears when the driver asked if anything was wrong because I looked worried. WHAT COULD POSSIBLE BE WRONG?!?! Just as I was about to unload on the poor guy a crackle came over the radio. The driver of the other bus said that he had Kevin and they would meet up and put us back together. A short time later the bus rounded the corner and there was my sweetheart climbing out of the other bus. We embraced like to survivors of a shipwreck. There are not enough words in the English language to explain how relieved I was. Though I had trouble feeling grateful to the people who had separated in the first place. We headed off to the Navimag office to buy our tickets for the ship with 2 just hours to to get to the port.
We made it but unfortunately we didn't have enough time to buy food for the voyage or even eat dinner. Kevin left me at the port with the bags and went in search of food. At the port I met two girls one from Bavaria named Connie and one from Switzerland named Raphi, short for Raphaela. We became instant friends and hung out on the boat together.
Finally our ship came in and it was huge! Now this was no cruise ship, no shuffle board here. We firmly believe the old saying that cruise ships are for three kinds of people, “The over fed, newly wed and nearly dead.v” This was actually a cargo ship that takes on passengers. The majority of the space on board is taken up by semi-trucks and even livestock. Despite it's humble origins the rooms where great and I was excited about sleeping on
Thar she blows!Thar she blows!Thar she blows!

Volcano just letting off some steam
a ship sailing in the open ocean. Sure beats sleeping sitting up on a bus.
The downside was that the two old ladies sharing our cabin were the noisiest roommates we have ever had. They stayed up all night talking and wrapping something. I think they were really drug smugglers hired by the mafia because no one would suspect two little old ladies that smell like salami and stay up all night discussing their various aliments. Very clever, the DEA may not suspect anything but I'm on to you! Kevin thinks I should lay off the mate because all the caffeine is making me paranoid but I think the old bags bought him off. On second thought, he may be right about the caffeine.

PUERTO MONTT / PUERTO VARAS


We really wanted to give Puerto Montt a chance (we haven't had much luck with Chile so far) but as soon as we arrived we couldn't help noticing one interesting feature about this city: a large percentage of people here looked like they could be cast in “The Hills Have Eyes.” I don't know if nuclear testing secretly occurred here or if there was a certain gene
Small churchSmall churchSmall church

Puerto Varas
missing, but people seriously looked deformed. If that was all it was I wouldn't have had a problem, but they had behavior to match: peeing anywhere, being drunk at 9 AM, or making us feel very unwelcome because we looked foreign. We sat down at a bench to look at our map when a 10 year old boy rushed up to us and stuck his palm in our faces and said: “Ugg!” It happened to fast I jumped back instinctively to protect Ammi. The skin on his face was pulled tight as if it had healed from a bad burn and he smelled like booze. This 10 year old was drunk!!! He must have thought I jumped back in disgust because he flipped us off and said: “Fugg ooo!!” and ran off to join his mutant friends.
“Let's get the hell out of here,” I said. We shifted locations to Puerto Varas, just a few hours away. It was a small German settlement that looks like Bavaria but with Spanish speaking people. The church is a recreation of a famous church in the Black Forest, beer is cheaper than water, and the people are nice. Best of all...no drunk
ShrineShrineShrine

Puerto Varas
mutant children.

SANTIAGO


OK, if Chile was going to be redeemed in our eyes it would be with Santiago, we thought. The first thing we noticed was the subway. It was built only a few years ago and seemed very sleek and futuristic. It was quite a contrast to Bueno's Aires's subway where some of the trains are made of wood (no kidding) and you have to open the doors manually. The second thing we noticed was that Santiago is a college town. I don't mean one or two, but like 20 in the same neighborhood. As you can imagine this provided a few sleepless nights as we listened to rowdy and drunk teenagers outside. The next thing we noticed was the amount of public sculptures adorning the plazas and parks. Nice, but, in the end, we didn't do much in this town. The tram up to San Cristobal was closed for repairs, and it didn't seem like anything was working out. And even I was getting tired of the never-ending diet of hot dogs and sandwiches. It was time to move on.
Conclusion: Chile blows. Spend your time and money in Argentina.

MENDOZA


Just over
Small shrineSmall shrineSmall shrine

Puerto Varas
the Argentina border, Mendoza was a stop on our return route to Buenos Aires. Mendoza is for wine what Italy is to pasta. People leave Bordeaux or Napa Valley to visit the wineries of this region via bike paths through tree lined country roads. We're more beer connoisseurs, however, and I couldn't tell you the difference between a 1 dollar bottle of wine and a 500 dollar a bottle of wine, which is somewhat embarrassing considering I used to work in a wine bar.
A customer would ask me: “Is this wine dry?”
To which I would reply: “No, stupid! It's liquid. It's wet!” Plus, if I learn the difference between good wine and bad wine I'll never be able to drink cheap wine again. Same thing happened with beer. I used to love Keystone Light.
Unfortunately I couldn't figure out how to start the fan in our hostel room so we left the door open at night. The next morning I noticed Ammi had no less than 70 mosquito bites. She freaked out about Malaria and West Nile Virus (which proved unfounded), and the next night we slept under our mosquito net listening to the sounds
Tile Mosaic Tile Mosaic Tile Mosaic

Puerto Varas
of buzzing just inches away. That day, when the maid came in to clean, she flipped a previously unseen switch and the fan roared to life. “Ohh. I feel stupid.”

BUENOS AIRES PART 2


Awww...Buenos Aires. We missed you. Hello purple trees! Hello cracked sidewalks! Hello dog poop under my shoe! We had a hard time putting our finger on just exactly what X-factor Buenos Aires had that other cities lacked, but in the end came up stumped. It's a combination of things. The sum is greater than its parts. It's like your favorite aged whiskey with subtle hints of flavors and undertones that's best sipped at a nice leisurely pace.
Our original plan was to return to Buenos Aires to get our Brazilian visa, but we'd heard horror stories about people trying to do the same and being given the run around. They would show up at the Embassy with the proper documentation and be asked for some random, hard to obtain paper, like their marriage license or letter from their employer saying they had permission to travel. They'd come back and now had another paper to obtain. It would be back and forth and take weeks to accomplish. The papers varied from person to person with no rhyme or reason. One girl who owned her own business was asked for a letter from her boss. “I can write it myself.” To which the answer was no. I understand the concept of reciprocity: just because the US makes it hard for Brazilians to obtain visas meant that they were going to make it equally hard for US citizens to get Brazilian visas. But there's a difference between reciprocity and taking a joy in making people jump through hoops. We've heard that these same people try to get their visas in Iguazu and get through in half hour. That our plan. So even though we didn't need a visa here we still missed this city and wanted to spend some time in it.
The other reason was to celebrated Ammi's birthday. I looked online for hours at event calendars and settled on a few interesting things to do. Ammi enjoyed seeing her polo game, so I thought she would like to see a different equestrian game called “Pato”. Similar to basketball but played from horseback, the players ride around and pick up a ball with handles on it, pass, and throw into a net. Ammi enjoyed it, mostly to try and figure out the rules. I enjoyed when players got kicked off their horses.
The next thing I planned was something we enjoyed in Europe which we hadn't done in a while and missed dearly, the timeless tradition of a pub crawl. What follows is what I can remember happening: We arrived and had about an hour of drinking beer and socializing before the crawl actually got underway. My stomach was kind of acting up at this point so I was hoping I'd make it the whole way. “You're not going to get sick, are you?” Ammi asked.
“I think I'll manage.” Ammi was in her element, socializing and was already bestest friends with half the people. We walked to the next bar where we had pre-made shots waiting. We all raised our glasses to the bartender. “Salud!” Ammi immediately ordered two more beers, and began socializing with a group of strangers in Spanish. Someone else was celebrating their birthday and she let Ammi blow out the candles, and the whole table sang her Happy Birthday. “I'm setting a New Year's resolution to be more sociable. I'm not sociable enough,” she said.
“That's one thing I've always noticed about you, Ammi. You're too shy.” We went to two more bars, each with a free shot and we ordered screwdrivers and rum and cokes and something called a “Chili Bomber.” An ordinary bottle of Smirnoff Vodka is infused for about a month with habeňero peppers, banana peppers, and jalapeňo peppers then mixed with Red Bull. De-freakin-licious!!
We arrived at the next club. Suddenly I could tell Ammi had reached the point of saturation. “All right, let's get cab home.”
About five minutes into the ride Ammi broke her silence. “I don't feel so good. I think I'm gonna...” She paused, wide eyed. I knew it was coming. HUUUULLLLARALLUCK!!! She valiantly aimed for the window, but instead got her clothes and the interior of the door. Suddenly the cab had that not so fresh smell and something told me the cab driver wasn't too happy. If they gave out awards for “Best String of Unbroken Insults Spoken in Anger” this would have been his Oscar reel.
“Lo siento mucho,” was all I could think to mutter. After the cab stopped at our hotel
Old German FarmOld German FarmOld German Farm

Puerto Varas
I paid all the money I had to the cab driver which ended up being about double. He still was not happy. But if you pick people up at a club I guess these things happen every so often.
That night and the next day was punctuated with random bouts of vomiting, but I rationalized that the more she puked the more fun she must have had on her birthday. “I got to puke in a cab on my 30th birthday!” That's right, we're making memories.
Unfortunately we were stuck in the hotel through Christmas Eve and Christmas. We had to buy groceries to last us the duration. In Argentina they don't go to midnight mass, they let fly with the loudest, most illegal fireworks they can muster to hopefully induce sleeplessness until 6am.


COLONIA, URUGUAY



We took a ferry across the river to Uruguay, not really sure what to expect, but it was close by, there was no visa, and the guidebook said we could get some awesome meat. After finding a place to stay we headed out to the “beach” (it's all fresh water so they must import the sand I'm assuming). We could dimly make out the tops of the Buenos Aires skyscrapers just over the horizon. Colonia was originally a Portuguese settlement designed to smuggle goods into and out of Buenos Aires back in the good ol' imperialistic days. Now it's a haven for sailors looking for calm waters, and tourists looking for nice sunsets and cheap wine.
We decided to rent a sand rail (a dune buggy without a frame) so that we could see more beaches, ruins, museums, and sites in one day. The only place we weren't allowed to drive it on was sand, ironically. First we drove to a beach, and Ammi got that crazy look in her eye. “I want to swim to that island. It's what I've always wanted, Kevin!”
The island was at least a half kilometer away. “I thought you always wanted to see penguins, or hike a glacier, now it's swimming to an island? Besides, it's too far, you can't do it.” Ammi's eyes got even crazier.
Oops.
I said the wrong thing. Whenever I say she can't do something she becomes even more determined. In her mind she was already half way there. So I didn't fight it any more, I just resigned myself to sit on the beach and watch. An half hour goes by and I've lost sight of her amidst the waves. An hour goes by and I start to see her come into shore. “I'm sorry, Ammi. You tried your best. It was just too far. Maybe next time.” As a response she grabs my hand and drops a number of sea shells into it.
“That's from the other beach. I told you I could do it!! BOO-YA!!”
That night we decided to buy a bottle of cheap wine and watch the sunset from the port. Immediately a stray German Shepherd comes up to me and lays down. I must give off dog pheromones or something. We watched the sky turn from blue to purple to crimson to red to black and watched the lights from Buenos Aires and the stars twinkle into existence and watched the sailboats go by like ghosts. Not too shabby.

MONTEVIDEO



We really didn't like this town. It was clean and looked like Buenos Aires, but little things got in the way. Siesta hours were from 2 to 9pm so we walked around for hours looking for something to eat. We hid in our rooms like frightened bunnies on New Year's Eve because they were lighting off thee definition of illegal fireworks right outside our hotel. None of the meat places it listed in our guide book were open. It was just weird. A tradition here on New Years is to take your old calendar, rip it up into tiny pieces, and throw it out the window as if it's a ticker tape parade.

WOW! Sorry that was such a long post! It was just one town after another as we raced towards Brazil. Wish us luck as we attempt to get our visas in Puerto Iquazu. Chao!



Additional photos below
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10th January 2009

Nice tan lines
Looks like you guys are working on some kickin' sunglass tans. I'm glad you got to see the Rebbe for Januca...I'll have to send this picture to Gabriel and say WTF!?!

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