Ankles and bladders

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May 28th 2010
Published: May 28th 2010
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Its been some time since my last post and Ive been up to loads. First on the agenda to discuss is my swollen ankle. How you inquire did I come to acquire an inflammed ankle. Well I rather gracefully fell down ONE step at the casa and the result is a foot twice the size it should be and the rather lovely colour of black. Im pumping myself full of anti-inflamotories and I have some cream aswell. Im not sure what the cream is as its in Spanish but it seems to be doing the trick. Good times. So I have been holed up in my bedroom for 3 days under the strict rule that I do not walk anywhere. Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Im one day away from a axe-wielding murderous rampage. So I have decided to venture out this afternoon to the casa. During the month of May there were 3 birthdays so we have a pinata and cake and we going to celebrate them all this afternoon. So other than testing the limits of my foot tendons what else has this gringa been up to. I got my hair cut. It looks no different and the guy who cut it made Dale Winton look like Bruce Willis. I went to Quinea, a small pueblo outside of Ayacucho. Climbed what felt like a mountain and saw a waterfall. And last week I visited Vilcashuaman with Elodie. The people of Vilcash are desperately trying to market it as a tourist destination. There are Inka ruins both in Vilcash and outside the town that you can walk to. The problem is Vilcash is the arsehole of nowhere. It took 4 and a half hours to get to it from Ayacucho via bus. And when I say bus what I mean is a shoddy little minibus with no toliet and really not equipped for people taller than 5ft. Seriously how small are Peruvians. I was in a permanent state of cramp for nearly 5 hours. So when we eventually got to Vilcash we didnt have time to walk to the other ruins outside of the town. Instead we visited another Casa Hogar run by Catholic Nuns. They were lovely and made us feel very welcome. They gave us dinner, a bed and breakfast for nothing. We of course gave them some money when we left. The children were beautiful but the casa is in need of funding and volunteers. I think because Vilcash is so remote people are unwilling to dedicate a long amount of time. So anyway the next day we left super early to try and get the first bus to Vishcongo to see the other ruins. We of course missed it and had to wait 2 hours for the next one. So 2 and a bit hours into our journey Mother Nature calls, both me and Elodie need the loo. As luck happens our bus was the Old Age Pensioner bus so everyone else also needed a pitchi (piss). Someone called out to the driver and he said there was a toilet 5 minutes up the road. So we got to this not town.....much smaller....and we stopped outside this shop with a front patch of garden with a toilet in it. Now you would think the owner of the shop would have a key to the toilet. Nope. Right, so wheres the nearest toilet. Not too far as it turns out. It was the patch of land to the side of the shop. No problem for the Peruvian Mamas...they just start pissing, the traditional peruvian dress is trouser with a skirt over the top. I now know why. So me and Elodie look at each other. We are both wearing trousers. If we wee everyone is going to see everthing.
´I cant do another 2 hours in that bus. I need a wee´
´Me too´
´Fuck. What are we going to do´
All this is occuring whilst we are literally pacing outside the toilet. Our choice was simple. Either we suck it up or we risk losing all dignity and drop trousers.
´Ill cover go first´
´Ok....oh god oh god Im so stressed´
´Hurry up´
´Im so stressed...i cant pee properly´
´Hurry up´
´Im so stressed´
´Ok my turn...cover me´
So Im taking a very long piss when all of a sudden we hear an engine start. Fuck our bus. Elodie runs off screaming´por favor´ and I am left exposed and vunerable desperately trying to stop pissing whilst hoisting up my jeans so that the two wierdo pervian men who have been standing there throughout this venture dont get a look. Turns out its not our bus but by now the whole bus is now watching the two crazy gringas screaming. Yeah......beautiful moment. Hope you enjoy that as much as I did.
Anyway peace out for now x


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