Un poco post...a little post

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April 24th 2010
Published: April 24th 2010
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So apparently the Volunteers House has become a breeding zone of disease and sickness. Yep vomitting and diarrhea a go-go. The toilet...well the less said the better. But considering it doesnt flush, we have to hose it, and the toliet stick got broken two weeks ago (someone obviously needs more fibre in thier diet)...well the state its in is enough to make me consider squatting in the garden. So I rather wisely decided to take a trip to the internet and give my immune system at least a shot at combating the shitting bug....
So today I found a chicken. Well I say found, Pollo (thats his name) found us. He just walked into our garden, chirping away. So I caught him and gave him to the kids. They now have 3 baby chicks...the other 2 were bought not found....there isnt an abandonned chicken crisis here, dont worry. All the Senoritas are at a meeting today, so the volunteers are looking after the kids. When I left it was quickly descending into a Lord of the Flies-esque situation. Im not sure Pollo will survive.

Today, one of the Peruvian volunteers is cooking....he is preparing his signature dish...and I absolutely hate it.....Its a traditional peruvian meal....apparently....he could say anything was, who are we to question....and its a potato, a boiled egg, an olive....a leaf of lettuce all covered in the most disgusting sauce I have ever had the displeasure to put into my mouth. The sauce is made from peppers, hot water...and a shitload of the local cheese here. The last time I ate it, I sat up all night with horrendous heart burn rocking myself for comfort, cursing him and his whole family for the pain now upon me. I mean really, heartburn at 24. Is not right. What also gets my goat is that he had the cheek to say the meal last night was really spicy. Yeah well I prefer spice to blocked arteries and gout. So now I have to feign illness to get out of eating. I cant just say I dont like your god damned sauce. No Im far too English...I realise I am ranting about sauce....Im going to stop now....

What else to report....oh I am convinced I have a double whammy of head lice and bed bugs/fleas. Yeah nice. The other day I had a massive freak out, dragged the covers of my bed outside, flung them over the ashig line and beat the shit out of them. Im not what I was trying to accomplish but I felt better. Until I went to bed and woke up the next morning with yet more bites. I think the only thing that is going to work is industrial fumagation and quite frankly I just dont have the budget.

So yeah, Im off back to the festering house....can you take antibiotics as preventative medicine.....before I go a few observations for you on speaking Spanish in Peru....just because I need to get it off my chest....Enjoy

Observation No 1.
Whoever said that being in a Spanish speaking country makes it easier to learn Spanish was talking out of his a-hole.

Observation No 2
Saying ´hablo un poco de espanol´means absolutely nothing. If you think this is your get out of jail free card you will be disappointed. Saying to a Peruvian I dont really speak Spanish, is like saying to a crazy drunk I dont really have the time to talk about the huge governmental consipracy that brought you to ruin. Whether you want it to or not, that conversation is happening.

Observation No 3
When you say that you dont understand, you will most definitely get the monologue just spoken at you, repeated at exactly the same speed with exactly the same words. There will be no attempt made to simplify or explain. This is because apparently understand means ´hear´ in Peru.

Observation No 4
You can mask your cold dead eyes that show absolutely no understanding with a nod of the head and a really high pitched ´Ci?´Peruvians love it.


25th April 2010

Lorna, just tell me what medicines you need and I'll make a trip to Boots, including headlice shit. Dude, you are not suffering. Email me your address woman! xxx

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