Let me generalise part 1

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Let me generalise

The bano

When you walk into a toilet, whether it be a restaurant, hostal or shop, it is an absolute delight if there is toilet paper sitting there all plump and abosorbant, just waiting for you to come along and abuse it (not unlike a certain house I know actually).

So for some reason, there was a time in Ecuador when I must have really needed the toilet and just asked a shop if they knew where one was. They simply directed me into a backroom or sometimes in a mercado (super market without the super but definatley not a common market) up the stairs to the staff bathroom, scaring the readying staff and foolishly trusting me to be around towers of canned goods, crisps and chocolates; iiidiots.

Columbia was different, there was a massive industry of having to pay to use the toilet and no one would let you in the back room. Once in Columbia I asked to use the toilet, I only needed some tissue paper, she said no it wasn´t possible, ´could I have some tissue paper?´ I enquired; yes she said. When I presented her with the contents of my nose, she motioned me to the baño (bathroom) anyway! Tsk, women!!

Soap is an even rarer occurance, so many times have I had to come out of the bathroom using my left hand for everything to ask for soap, and for some reason feeling sheepish about it, like i´m asking for something quite perverse. If both the soap and tissue paper are there together and especially if in ample supply, you should be on you guard, check your mace is correctly positioned and look behind all hidden spaces. Remember your average Ecuadorian is under 5´6, so look behind the sink. Only then is it safe to staisfy your longing with an emotion ridden, steamy poo.

I´m afraid, just befor we leave the bathrom and get to other matters, we need to just take a step back to the papel situation. There is a very special ceremony in Sud America that must be learned quickly, for the good of you , everyone in the proximity and the pìpes. When the load has been dropped and abandoned, the life force that makes us who we are literally sucked out of it. After you´ve wiped your bum you must then deposit the mucky tissue not simply in the bowl beneath but back out and into the bin! On the negative side the bathrooms can be a little smelly, especially if its a recepticle with no lid and holes in the sides (and no, plastic bags are not used). On the poisitve side though, upon standing, you do get to take in the glorious site of what you´ve accomplished, and man have i had some corkers!!

¡THIS BIG!
😊

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Comments

[Phil]

Oh Adam, even when you're on the other side of the world I still know what's going on with your bowels. I've had some experience of countries where you're not allowed to flush toilet paper too. It's rather unpleasant having a bin full of shitty tissue, particularly as it always seems to be the hottest countries that have this kind of policy. You need to update more!

[Earthy]

:p You know any chance I have to realase my bowels to the world I take with gusto! :) xx