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Published: February 18th 2013
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For all you cold weather suckas
Rocky Cay/Key. You can see the people walking out to the island and the shipwreck on the left. Have you ever had a dream where you pooped your pants that was so real that you woke up and checked your pants? Me neither. I was told we are true barranquilleros now that we leave during Carnival rather than stay and enjoy the festivities.* We jaunted off to San Andres, a Colombian island that is between Costa Rica and Jamaica (see map). Barranquilla being Barranquilla, the airport was madness when we left. In order to get everyone in the Carnival mood they had a free all you can drink party at our boarding gate with dance troupes and bands. Now I’m no TSA agent, but that just makes sense. We went and spent the night in an awesome fishing lodge in Medellin before flying to San Andres in the morning. We flew this new discount airline VivaColombia. The plane seemed to have been about 90% people who have never been on a plane before. Several gentlemen chose to stand the whole flight, including one who was wielding a Charlie Kelly old school camcorder that he kept using to film out of total strangers’ windows. This process involved him putting his knee on the aisle arm rest and then leaning over
Please Don't Molest Me
That's a rough translation. It's my fault really for staying at a hotel where you have to request to not be molested. the strangers to film. He filmed out of about 33% of the windows by my count. Latinos always clap when the plane lands but this time on touchdown the plane exploded into some sort of latino redneck jamboree with hooting and a banjo. It was all very entertaining to be totally honest. San Andres is full of lovely beaches and horribly run down housing. The Decameron Hotel chain dominates the beaches and the rest of the island rapidly decays under their loving care. Plus the hotels are full of the worst kind of tourists, French Canadians. They pulled one of the poutine** humpers (who incidentally looked just like Bull from Night Court) onto the stage at one of the shows and quickly regretted it as he drunkenly profaned the entire show before being removed. One day we took a boat out to Johnny Cay, a small coral islet off the island and spent the day. The boat we paid to take us there and back tried to leave without us. We learned a valuable lesson that day; don’t trust latinos named Willobee. Another day we went to Rocky Cay/Key where the water is so shallow you can walk out to
Johnny Cay
The island is tiny but has a nice beach on one side. the island a kilometer into the ocean (see first photo). Just beyond the island is a shipwreck. It’s rumored that the captain had a figurehead carved in his wife’s likeness with two sapphires placed for her eyes. She was jealous that he loved the figurehead more than her so she had the sapphires replaced with blue glass so she could make herself some earrings. Shortly after, the wife went blind and the boat hit a rock in broad daylight.*** San Andres is a duty free area (all of the black markets in Colombia are called San Andresito, Little San Andres) allowing me to purchase such shady luxury items as Sriracha and Butterfingers. Whenever I see people taking pictures of streets and airports I always imagine them telling people, “so this is how we got from this place to another, we walked down this street. We waited in this airport.” I’m sorry if I only include the highlights and don’t show you all exactly how I got from one place to another. You must just sit there and scream, “but how did you get from your house to the airport? Did you walk? A donkey cart? HOW?!” And in response, we
Map of San Andres
It's quite close to Nicaragua which claimed it until it recently lost a court decision. took a taxi, of which I sadly have no photos. In domestic news, Minnie became a woman and has been mensesing all over the house. She’s also developed a love of fresh green beans. The fun part about having pets is when you have to clean up explosive diarrhea. Josh Vaughn if I've never said thank you for leaving your dookie stained white undies on the floor of our shared bathroom... Thank you, you've helped prepare me for life in ways I could never appreciate then. We now have to work straight through for five weeks until Holy Week’s 10 day sabbatical. But we soldier on.
Movie: Looper was excellent. That just came out didn’t it? John Dies at the End wasn’t near as good as the book but was entertaining.
Book: In order to keep up with my teenage students I read and really liked Perks of Being a Wallflower. It’s like a modern Catcher in the Rye with a more messed up protagonist.
Album: I can’t believe Camper Van Beethoven is releasing albums again, I like Come Down the Coast the best.
Youtube: My students are fascinated with this dance craze, Peter the Eel. www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4PTtXIQ3vs
Maya Angelou invented the peanut,
Tyrone
Quien pidio pollo? Literal translation: who ordered chicken? Actual translation: who’s the hottie?
“Dear Diary, Today I found grbech around my crops. I found poo. I was very angry but. I realice that the poo is fertilazer. So I put very happy. So I will put my cow to do poo in my crops.” A chunk of student work that demonstrates how well we teach.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. ~ Aldous Huxley
*I’m never quite sure how to spell Carnival since it’s spelled Carnaval here and Carnivale on the HBO show.
**Poutine is a dish of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. Loved almost as much as Tim Horton’s by all Canadians and a symbol of both heart disease and Montreal.
***I stole that from a story in the irony/allegory section of my literature book. Really a storm just pushed it into a rock. And cargo boats don’t have figureheads.
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Dad
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Thanks Josh!
I always thought that Josh was a good influence on you! I should have taught you that lessons as I remember that your Uncle David did the same for me.