Praia do Forte

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So the start of this entry takes me back to 23rd November, the afternoon that I arrived in Praia do Forte. Dani had told me all about the resort and I had looked at many photos back in the dreary office in England , waiting patiently for the time to come when I could actually visit. I was interested in the place as it seemed a relatively new resort with a focus on sustainability, so I thought it would be an ideal environment to teach Yoga. Well actually, the pull was a lot stronger than that for a reason that was soon to become apparent, and three days after I returned from Itaparica, I was there. As a very close friend once said to me, once I have made up my mind that it is, I set off like a tank, with nothing and nobody able to alter my course. I wasn’t too impressed at the time about being referred to as a ‘tank’ but I had to agree with him nonetheless.

My Fairy Godmother Dani, had been at work again, and suggested that I get in touch with Léo, a close friend of hers that she had grown up with but had lost contact with recently. I was a little nervous making contact with him but he was very nice and offered to show me around Praia do Forte as he is currently living there. Well, what guy wouldn’t after browsing through my Facebook photos?! I’d of course checked him out too, and maybe wouldn’t have been so nervous emailing if he hadn’t seemed so interesting, oh alright, so cute.

Well we hit it off straight away, more and more seemed to click between us as we chatted for hours. We were drinking some wine in a bar the same evening that I arrived and one of his friends asked us how long we had been together, at that point we had know each other for a grand total of eight hours. The intensity of our first day continued when his Father joined us for dinner. It all felt so very natural, the conversation, wine and food flowed effortlessly. His Father is a very nice and clever man; full of energy and talent and he understood in an instant what my trip was all about for me.
As I mentioned in my last blog I had invited Nicola, a friend I had met at the language school to come and join me at the weekend. I felt a little guilty as now Léo and I had become involved, but although I hadn’t known her for long we had talked openly about many things and I knew that she would be happy for me and would know that I would not like her to feel uncomfortable but was very excited about seeing her. We had a very enjoyable weekend together, the Friday night with the three of us and Léo’s father, the next day a long lunch with Léo’s Mother (yes, she had come to stay for the weekend too, there is more to come on his family, in the space of a week I pretty much met everybody). There was a Gastronomic Festival running in Praia do Forte running over the weekend we had visited, with chilli peppers as the theme. Léo had organised an art exhibition featuring some of his own work and some guests photographers and artists. (He is a very talented photographer). There were guest Chef’s from all over Brazil, each linked to a restaurant and serving a set menu with their interpretation of the theme. We had such fun moving from restaurant to restaurant sharing the dishes and getting drunk. Again, it was so natural and effortless and I felt that I had known both Nicola and Léo for such a long time and that this was just a normal Saturday evening for us. I started to wonder if I was imagining this whole situation and how wonderful these two people were that had entered my life. But then I thought that it just makes sense, that as I become closer to the person that I really am, so I will attract people and want to spend time with the people who resonate on the same level as me. Half way through the evening, I looked in the mirror and into my own eyes and for the first time in my life I really liked what I saw. I didn’t just see features, I saw beyond that into my own soul and I was happy looking at the person that I had become.

I left Praia do Forte with Nicola on the Sunday, as tempting as it was to stay, but it was my original plan to leave then, as I wanted to try and retain some kind of balance in my life here despite what I was feeling towards Léo. I also wanted to be in Salvador for Nicola’s last week as I knew that Léo would be around after she had left and I wanted to spend time with my friend as our girlie chats are precious. We had a fun week together, shopping (well I am still being good so just window shopping for me) and eating ice cream and wondering what men think sometimes because it makes no sense to us. Firstly on Tuesday night we were bored out of our minds by an Italian guy and his talk of the military. I thought that Italian men where supposed to be smooth and charming? Not this one. After hours of telling us intricate details about his job, he tried to kiss Nicola or maybe he was giving her the kiss of life as we had pretty much fallen asleep, so took it as time to leave. Thursday night we joined Léo at his cousin’s birthday party (whom I like very much as he said that I look like Julianne Moore), so I met his extended family, oh a whole week after meeting him, and was very glad to have Nicola there as back up! Friday night we went to a Forro club (a dance style from North East Brazil), but didn’t actually dance as the men were just too slimy. One walked past me and kissed me on the shoulder and even when I think about it now I want to hit him! Eugh. So we drank too many Caipirinhas instead, well I think we just had one but it was a large one and very strong! Saturday night we could only manage to go out to dinner and I forgot to throw the ice out of my water so I spent the next three days doubled over with stomach cramps and couldn’t keep anything down. Plus I caught a cold at the same time, so it wasn’t pleasant. But I am lucky as Fred was keeping an eye on me and made sure that I wasn’t ill for too long, so I am feeling much better now. I did start to worry on the third day as I was starting to disappear again.

I am still in a huge transition and I think I will be for a while yet. It is particularly exacerbated by the fact that I am now involved in the life on someone living here, not just travelling through. He has his work, family, friends, and obviously understands the culture and language. I, on the other hand, do not have any friends of my own now that Nicola has gone, do not understand the language, the culture and barely know my way around any of the city. I struggle with this, as I am used to being very independent and in control. The simplest things drive me insane, like the fact that I have been trying to buy envelopes for 3 weeks to send some letters, and can I find any? No! I am such an active person, that I struggle if I don’t ‘achieve’ something every day, but I know that I mustn’t wear myself out, and that just managing to cope in the situation I am in is an achievement every day. There is no one English here that I have met, there are no familiar foods, sights, smells or people. I haven’t watched TV since I have been here, and it is very difficult and dangerous to get around, so I need to remember to give myself a break sometimes. It does make me feel a little lost sometimes, but I am coping well as I do have people here like Fred who I know that I can turn to if I need anything (and he in turn asks his Mum. What would we do without Mummies?!). As I am so close to my own family and friends it is very nice for me to be around both Dani and Léo’s family and to meet some of Léo’s friends. Léo took me to his house is Salvador which was built on part of his Mum’s garden. His Great Aunt and Uncle were there and his Nan as she lives with his Mum. When we walked in his Nan was doing a puzzle at the dining room table, his Aunt was cooking in the kitchen and his Uncle was wandering in the garden, just looking around taking in everything. I found this whole scene and the atmosphere so comforting as it was as if I had walked into my Grandparents house when my Granddad and Great Uncle Nobby were alive, with my Nan in the kitchen, my Granddad completing a puzzle and Nobby just relaxing and entertaining himself playing cards. Léo’s Great Uncle, Jorge, pointed out a plant to us in the garden, all of the flowers were white apart from one which was a bright red, right in the centre of the plant and he remarked how fascinating nature is. As I struggled with some of the challenges, it occurred to me that I felt like I am that red flower on the plant, not really fitting in anywhere at the moment, not feeling completely English anymore, but not Brazilian either. I realised that I should take notice of the red flower and do the same as she does; face proudly towards the sun and just ‘be’, just exist and sit happily, embracing how nature has made her. This acceptance makes me feel ready to take the next step, to have the courage to delve even deeper, to push the boundaries even further and to truly follow my path.

It is turning out to be the most amazing experience following my heart and peeling away the layers one by one to reveal my true Self. It is something that I work it every moment of every day, but it is worth the effort. The true Self does shout, voice insecurities, or place barriers in the way, it simply guides, as quiet as a whisper, and you have to listen very very carefully because if you don’t it is gone in a flash, a nano second. I would like to share this quote by Rumi, a Suft poet, that I often turned to whilst trying to find my way through the darknesses before I was ready to depart of this adventure.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray“
I feel that this is the reason why I have met Léo and why I continue to meet so many wonderful people and why it also becomes easier for me to follow my heart because it does not let me down. My life is a gift, given to me by parents and God, it is not really my own, my body is just the carrier so I must look after it well and not take it for granted and do my best to navigate my way. One day this body will no longer be and everything I have done, thought and felt will be imprinted on my soul so I must try my best to do it justice. I often wonder why my friend’s life was taken so quickly, (he was only 29, born two weeks after me and killed in a tragic ski accident) and for others who die young but I do believe that maybe they learn in their few years in a human body what some people take a lifetime or many lifetimes to learn and so I like to think that Robbie has gone straight to Nirvana. I certainly believe it to be true from the man that I knew. When I wrote this I did not know that a very dear friend’s brother and lost his baby son, so I send prayers that they will manage to find some sense of comfort within their own very special family, especially at this difficult time of year for people who have lost loved ones.
I had often debated with friends before I left the UK as to which part of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Brazil would play for me in my own travels. Well I have gone much better and this beautiful, joyful and intriguing country has managed to fit in all three.

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