Random observations after 5 days in Buenos Aires

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Geo: -34.5886, -58.4299

Nineteen of them in total:

1. Some things are very expensive in Buenos Aires (e.g. the cheapest iPad - U$D1100/£725), some things are priced at a comparative level to the US and UK (e.g. Whopper meal in Burger King - U$D6.90/£4.55) and some things are very cheap (e.g. a ticket on the subway - 28 US cents/18 pence)

2. People in Buenos Aires do not like it when you accidentally say "Spanish" when you actually mean "the form of Spanish spoken in Spain". They make a joke about it, but you can see the murderous seriousness in their eyes.

3. You may, if you're anything like me, find it as difficult to buy a 'pay as a you go' SIM card for your phone in Buenos Aires as you would to pass a kidney stone through your urethra and into the toilet bowl. (Getting drunk before going into the telecoms shop seems to get you a little closer to buying a SIM card...but still no cigar!)

4. Whole almonds are considered a pizza topping in some parts of Buenos Aires.

5. There is a still a fairly noticeable coin shortage in Buenos Aires. When you get coins, you need to guard them with your life. (When someone asked me today to change a 2 pesos note, I gave away all my coins. This was wrong of me.)

6. Sometimes the 'green man' who tells you to cross the road is actually white in Buenos Aires. However, sometimes he is green. Whatever his colour, he is full of tricks. Just because he is alight, cars still have the right to come around the corner and over the crossing, so keep 'em peeled. Sometimes the 'red man' who tells you not to cross the road is also white, so it is wise to look at the position of his legs. Do not trust his colour.

7. Everyone will quite fancy the idea of living in Palermo Soho.

8. Buenos Aires does not liked dubbed films, so many films are shown in English with Spanish subtitles...which is nice.

9. Croissants are called 'medialunas' in Buenos Aires.

10. Stray cats live in the botantical gardens, and stray dogs live in La Boca and Puerto Madero, and never the twain shall meet.

11. A human being can get surprisingly used to an omnipresent smell of dog poo after just five days.

12. You have to know which way you are going on the subway before you walk down into the station, as the different platforms generally have different ground-level entrances. (Trust me, it is very annoying to have to keep walking back up the stairs because you've made the same mistake again.)

13. The subway trains have a very strange type of lighting in them, which makes everything turn a kind of washed out brownish, grey colour. (Do what I do and look around at the other people and pretend that you are all trapped inside an 1970s television set.)

14. If your Spanish teacher in Buenos Aires tells you that everyone in Argentina kisses all the time when they say "hello" and "goodbye", do not believe her. She won't kiss you again after that first time. And you won't understand why she stops either. Occasionally, you might find yourself bobbing your head down to try to meet hers for no apparent reason; do not worry, we've all been there.

15. When the driver of the dodgy looking blue tour bus says, "We stop here for 20 minutes so you can go to the shop" (leaving unsaid, "I have an arrangement with the shop owner to bring you here to spend your fat dollars, you over-rich tourists, while I go off for a big wank"😉, be warned - he will drive off without you if you are not back at the meeting place in precisely 20 minutes' time. The fact that the bus has only half the number of passengers it had before the shop, and the fact that the shop is situated in the dodgiest, most crime-ridden part of town, will not worry him one jot.

16. In Buenos Aires, it is better to take the yellow tour buses rather than the blue tour buses.

17. When you tell people in Buenos Aires that you have been to the city before and you met all the presidential candidates, no-one will believe you. After a while, you will not even believe the story yourself. Better to lie and say, "It is my first time in Argentina".

18. 'The Inbetweeners' is coming to televisions in Buenos Aires on 25th July.

19. If you live in "Salguero" Street, and you say "Salgwero" or "Salgoo-ero" to a taxi driver, the driver will have no idea where you mean (no matter how many times you repeat it). The "u" in "gue" is silent, unless it has an accent over it, like this - ü. Say it with me: "Salgerrrrro". That's it, well done.

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Photos

Do you want almonds with that?
The order was for a mushroom pizza, believe it or not.