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Published: June 16th 2007
It hadn´t rained in 3 weeks, or so a student thought. Thursday evening, while we were chatting and making tea, fragile drops of rain sputtered on the windowpanes. Really not enough to get you wet but the next day the low gray clouds and heavy fog broke...and BABY! Sweet sweet sunshine and biting cold air met me on Friday morning.
This morning I woke up and started sweeping my room. I was listening to Patsy Cline and as I was listening to her music, feeling her painful songs were fitting into my life perfectly, I unthinkingly thought "Patsy you needa get a life girl!!!". After I muttered the statement I realized, I wasnt talking to Patsy, I was talking to myself. I quickly turned off Patsy, I love her, but she isn´t what I need right now. It´s Aretha!! Honestly, Aretha can´t sing loud enough for me. But I´m dancing. I´m groovin. And yes, I need to get a life.
Lately I have been bitterly unhappy. Mini crisises every day. Confusion. I´m left either waiting for F2 to call (ick!) or spending time with a man friend. Last night I was aware of our codependency. We hang out together all the time, but it doesnt really do either of us any good. Instead of meeting new people, I am staying with the same ones to hide myself away. I blame it on "not wanting to spend money" but really Lizzz...get ahold of yourself, girl! It´s not helping.
Right now I am hearing two very smart ladies in my head. My Mama and my Leslie. They are both saying, Lizzz, go out, smile and someone will see that smile and smile back. I hate when other people are right.
Things haven´t been all gloom and doom. There have been many happy moments. Jeramy was here and while he can be maddeningly annoying sometimes, it is also great to have someone around me who is tall and has known me for so long. He can laugh at my stupidities (I dont know if this is a world, but my boss says it ALL the time....and I love it).
I´ve also started giving F2 English classes. In exchange he makes me dinner. I go over and speak Spanish with him and his roomate. We do silly things like look at our houses on google earth, dance to al green and sit through power outages. These dinners are a little spot of Argentine life. While my Spanish isnt as good as my friends I have accessed something they haven´t. This life. This Argentine life. Filled with lentil stew, handmade pasta, and cheap wine. F2 has inspired me to be a better teacher. I plan out elaborate lesson plans for him and because I feel guilty for giving my friend special treatment, I have also started putting more energy into lesson plans with my other less friendly students. And my oh my...are they happy.
Cooking....cooking has exploded all over my life. Last weekend was Quin´s birthday and it was a 9 hour cook fest. Four loaves of bread. Two plain, one walnut garlic and one spicey pepper. Also there was a carrot cake that people fought over, and some amazing corn chowder, Quin´s Mama´s recipe. At the end I am happy to report there were no empty and tired tears. Just a glass of whisky. This weekend we are making falafel burgers, hummus and flatbread....yeah...all from scratch. I am excited. All of my obsessions and neurosises have been channeled into a nourishing and creative process. If the recipes are good I will share them with you kids. I have also discovered, that if I make things from scratch I can find most ingredients throughout this city, and hungry American bellies are ever so grateful to eat a slice of home.
Today is sunny. Today I am going to cut my fingernails and take a long shower. I am going to but on some comfortable tennis shoes....and god damnit, I am going to dance in the kitchen tonight.
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empathy
Hi LizzZ, I was happy to see a new post from you pop up on Bloglines after a long break. In a brief fascination with BsAs, I ran across your blog some months ago and was taken by your ability to poetically turn a phrase, intentionally and otherwise (bad spelling can sometimes work out well!), and have been a reader since. You're living one of the many lives I wish I did live...the life I have is quite fine, but the realm of possibilities is large and there will always be more paths not taken than taken. While you don't know me from Adam, I know your through your writings - one of the sorta creepy but inevitable side effects of keeping a blog like this - so I find myself caring how you're doing. So here's a wish for you to find your way out of your current funk. Damn, the food sounds good.