New Zealand - Part 1

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This blog is going to serve no other purpose than to brag endlessly about my country, and allow me to reminisce about my favorite places from my homeland. Also I am going to have a little laugh at the hilarious misguided impressions that I have come across in London, and during my travels.

I’m a New Zealander. A Pakeha. A Kiwi (not the fruit). You can call me whatever you want (within reason), but I come from the land of the long white cloud. Not the land down under; that refers to Australia. Big mistake. I am easy-going, yet adventurous by nature. A typical Kiwi attitude that is extended into the culture of New Zealand.

Contrary to popular belief, we Kiwi’s don’t actually live in hovel holes in Hobitton, nor do we have over sized, hairy feet. And believe it or not we also are actually advanced enough to have electricity and internet, and funnily enough we don’t walk around on our hands amidst the conception that everything is done backwards and upside down in New Zealand. Or maybe it’s just the English that think this? Probably still bitter that we beat them in rugby.

There are all sorts of conceptions and misconceptions about New Zealand, but I have never met anyone who didn’t want to visit the country. And rightly so. As a born and raised Kiwi, I am immensely proud of my country. We produce amazing films, we have spectacular scenery and we have the best rugby team in the world. We are nuclear-free and everyone is either our friend, or wants to be friends with us. And who wouldn’t want to visit a country where you’re no further than a 1.5 hour drive from the beach?

Growing up in New Zealand is such an advantage from a tourist point of view. I can point you in the direction of a hidden away little creek near Rotorua just off the beaten track the flows for miles, that you can sit in and it’s as warm as a hot bath. There is a small, almost hidden track that leads up to a memorial site in Wellington where you can 360 degree views of the harbor and the city, and on a sunny day it feels like you have died and gone to heaven. I can show you the best camping spot in the world where you climb out of your tent in the morning and emerge out onto a placid lake, morning dew clinging to the trees with the sun dancing around them, making them sparkle. Ok, so I’m far from home and a little nostalgic now so forgive the over the top imagery. Right, I have digressed. The idea I’m trying to put across here that New Zealand is a pretty small island in the grand scheme of things and having spent 19 years here, I have explored almost every nook and cranny. The main tourist attractions are of course fantastic, but it’s the little, hidden places that really make my homeland magical. If you come to bungee jump, skydive or ski, good on you. It’s world class. But you have to make time for the little adventures too!

In an ideal world you’ll have about 6 months to explore New Zealand from top to toe. And unlimited funds of course. You’ll take a campervan; chuck all your stuff in the back and head down from Cape Reigna; Stewart Island as your destination. You’d have to hit the main towns, Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin. Maybe not so much Christchurch anymore as it’s mostly destroyed, God rest its soul.

If you’re an outdoor kind of person, you will simply fall in love with New Zealand. Also, if you love animals, get in – there’s about 9 sheep to every one person in New Zealand at present. Hiking tracks cover the islands like discarded rope, so you’re never far from one or two of these. DOC (Department of Conservation) campsites are all over the place, as are other private or Scout campsites. This one of the things I miss the most about NZ. Truth be told, you don’t realize what you’ve got until it’s gone, and this is so accurate in this case. If you grow up NZ style camping and then experienced camping England style, good God do you miss it. You may have marveled at my beautiful description of waking up early morning from a night of camping. Not to blow my own country’s trumpet or anything but woooot wooo, NZ is staggeringly beautiful. Lakes, mountains, the sea, the sky – everything is so fresh, so green, and so blue. I am going to keep going off on tangents like this, so sorry in advance.

From age 12 I was a Scout so we did all sorts of adventurous things like caving, hiking, camping, skiing and canyoning. It was also worth noting that in our schools curriculum it was compulsory to do a course at OPC (Outdoor Pursuits Centre) which involved climbing a mountain, camping and other outdoor activities. Our education system even agreed that our nature was too amazing to pass up as a child. Exploration started at an early age. Because of this, I have spent probably more time under canvas than under a solid roof, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I sleep more comfortably on the ground than in a bed. And more recently in my amazing hammock, but that’s a separate story.

So what I am going to give you today, after my long winded introduction, are my two favorite places in New Zealand.

Rotorua is quite possibly the best place in New Zealand. The best thing about Rotorua is that it smells like farts. I kid you not. The place is ridden with sulphur. The sulphur provides many natural hot springs which make the stench worthwhile – hence the natural springs mentioned before. And you get used to it after a while as well. There’s a pretty sweet lake which houses millions upon millions of geese and swans. Which are lovely to look and feed from afar but god damn don’t get too close or they will bite your faces off.

Queenstown is either a close second, or drawing in first place with Rotorua – I haven’t decided yet. Queenstown doesn’t have a trademark smell, but it does have amazing lakes, surrounding by majestic mountains. Perfect for hiking (or tramping as the locals call it. Not a word that’s taken too kindly overseas apparently), water-skiing and kayaking in the summer. Even better for skiing, snowboarding and ice skating in the winter. Queenstown is also home to Fergburger – which makes the BEST gourmet burgers in the world, which is a fact backed up by science. (don’t ask me to name my sauces. HA)

Now these two places are beautiful, no doubt about it. But I mean so are loads of other places. The things that make these two places unique is the absolute amount of adrenaline that can be achieved hereby amazing activities (check out that Amazing alliteration). Both of these places are the adventure capitals of their respective islands. In each singular town you can find places to bungee jump, skydive, swing from a height, jet boat, and luge. I might have to explain the luge – it’s a flimsy little cart that you sit in while you hurtle down a hill and top speed, which you control with bicycle like handles. Exciting! In Rotorua you also have the ‘Schweeb’ which is like a sitting own bicycle that you cycle really fast along a track.. It’s actually a lot cooler than I have just made it sound though.

Nearby you can also find things like rock climbing walls, giant mazes which around Halloween turn into terrifying mazes. Hilariously named ‘The Amazing Maze in Maize.’ Cause it’s in corn fields. Get it?

For a small country, we sure know how to get the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing. So in short, if you’re going to visit New Zealand at any point you absolutely have to visit these two places. Unless you’re scared of heights and fast movements .. In which case, take some concrete pills and hard the f*** up!

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