Queenstown Part the Second + Milford Sound

---

In the morning my voice was a bit raspy from the usual exuberance I exhibit while drinking, but I was otherwise fine. Nothing like the night after Wellington. A large part of our group were going jet-boating today on the Shotover River. The experience was excellent. Helen and I grabbed the front seats of the boat. We flew up and down the river, coming within a metre of the canyons walls and boulders sitting mid-stream. Just the kind of reckless fun I enjoy. My luscious head of hair, which I spend several seconds preparing every morning, was completely “ruined” from the spray rising from all the 360 degree turns. I had to jokingly apologize to Charlene sitting behind me, as my big, smiling head hid her from view of the on board camera. She wasn’t buying the video anyway.

When we got back to town we went to Fergburger again, as if it was some sort of tradition. After this 3^rd visit I was all hamburgered out. We then split up for the afternoon. Dave, Katie, Izzy and the Scotsmen were going to fling themselves off the Nevis bungee. I was not. I draw my limit at falling backwards off a cliff in a chair thank you very much. Instead I went with Kris, Jacob, Charlotte and Luisa up the gondola for some sightseeing. The upper gondola station sits high atop the hill, its lights a navigational beacon for those stumbling home at night in an alcoholic haze. It also has a pretty fantastic view of the valley below and a skyline luge track. For being glorified scooters the luge track was really fun. I went down the track as fast as I could, nearly tipping over on a couple of the corners. I was just glad to be “behind the wheel” again, since it’s been over two weeks since I’ve been able to drive something. I was getting the shakes from withdrawal. We had initially paid for only a single ride but after taking the mandatory “first-time” track we wanted to give the “experienced” track a go. Adding an extra run was now $12, rather than the $2 per additional race it would’ve cost buying them all at once back at the bottom of the hill. Oh well. It was worth it. I almost had to admire their audacity to ask $5 for a bottle of coke.

Returning from the gondola we added Christoph and Michelle to our group and all went for ice cream. I made the mistake of getting a two-scoop cone, as the thing was massive. We sat down on a rocky beach to eat, throwing rocks into the lake and watching the local gang war between the ducks and the seagulls, both vying for control of this prime water front real estate with its ample supply of food morsels donated by the throngs of tourists. Kris tossed the small remainder of his cone into the horde, which erupted in a squawking fury before a seagull triumphed and took off with the bit of waffle cone dangling from its mouth. It made it about 20 m before the cone fell, dropping into the seat of an unsuspecting jet boat being loaded with passengers. I thought it was bloody hilarious though you probably had to be there.

We finished our ice creams and Jacob and I went to go for a walk down by the public gardens, which stretched out in a peninsula onto the lake. I noticed that the shores along here would have been far superior for eating ice cream, as the ratio of vermin with wings to girls sunbathing was notably more favourable. We did a quick loop of the park and went back to the water front for a beer. Walk around, eat, people watch, walk around, drink, people watch, repeat. It was a wonderful life to lead.

Tonight’s dinner plans were up to us. Jacob and I ran back up the hill to the accommodations to meet up with a group who was cobbling together some semblance of a plan. We all walked to town together and about 2/3 split off for a run through the “Fear Factory”. Kathi, Dave, Jacob and I went for Thai. We were soon joined by Mike and Masaki then Della and Charlene dropped by after their rout with the Fear Factory. It supposedly wasn’t really worth the $30 admission, expect for being able to hear Lewis freak out. After dinner we ran into Bec and Katie on the way to a bar where supposedly people were congregating. This was the same crowded hip-hop bar we were at during the previous night’s pub crawl. When we arrived it was still in “pub configuration” with all the lights on and tables out. It looked like a completely different place. Larissa, Whitney, Emma, and Lani were there and we all hung around for about half an hour. But we slowly started to disperse when nobody else seemed to show up. People just weren’t feeling it this evening. All the excitement of the last two days had really taken it out of us. We went back to the hotel and I sat out of the porch to catch up on my blog. I dropped by the Scotmen’s place where a few folks were hanging out. Kris started a round of the drinking game “Cheers to Governor” for us which unfortunately had to be cut short when the night manager walked up to remind us of the noise restrictions after 10PM. Just wasn’t meant to be tonight. I tried going for a walk to see the stars once I finished my writing, but struggled to find somewhere nearby that was dark enough. The closest thing to meeting this criteria was the graveyard, which even if I were completely comfortable hanging around in at night could be interpreted as being a bit a weird.

In the morning it was off to Milford Sound. had never heard of it before but it was only 80 km from Queenstown… as the crow flies. To drive there one spends hundreds of extra kilometers detouring around the mountains to the south. A tunnel had been proposed in the past but it was shot down for having too high of an environmental impact. Not sure what kind of tunnel this was supposed to be as I thought the whole point of tunnels was to go under all the scenery. Perhaps Kiwi birds secretly burrow deep into solid granite to lay their eggs.

New Zealand got some serious scenery points with Queenstown, but on the route to Milford Sound my snobbish attitude returned. “Bah, this is just like Kananaskis” I scoffed. Boy would I soon eat my words. Milford Sound sits within the Fjordland National Park, a massive tract of largely undisturbed and unexplored mountains at the south west corner of the South Island. The scenery contained within was nothing short of stunning. It is rumored that there are Canadian moose running around in there somewhere, a result of being introduced in the early 20^th century. They were thought to have disappeared from the area in the 1950’s but around 2010 someone found a hoof print that was confirmed to have come from a moose. Supposedly a $100,000 prize was offered for anyone who could provide concrete evidence of live moose. The park is so huge and inaccessible however that it remains unclaimed to this day.

We were informed that Milford Sound is a misnomer. It actually was a fjord. I guess. I mean the difference was explained to me but I don’t really know what a fjord or a sound are anyway. I just thought fjords were a Norwegian thing. These terms didn’t come up much in land-locked Alberta. We would be spending the afternoon taking a scenic boat ride. Our boat company was “Go Orange!” and they offered a free slice of carrot cake to all its passengers. I like to hypothesize that the company used to be “Go Green!” and they had to reinvent themselves when their offers of free kale smoothies didn’t bring in the masses. Or that competing boat tour companies on the sound offer random nonsensical door prizes as well, like bagels or tooth brushes or Jager shots.

Joking aside the sound or fjord or whatever it wants to be called was breath taking. Photos really don’t do it justice. We were lucky to have a more or less sunny day as the area gets rain over 200 days a year. Despite the high winds out on the lake I spent the entire time on the top deck. A few beanbag chairs were available and I enjoyed a brief nap. The fjord walls are high enough that you can still more or less see everything laying down. Like the Grand Canyon I don’t really have words to describe the grandeur of it all. You just have to go there.

---

Photos

Queenstown from the Gondola
Not a bad view

American Gothic
Using jelly beans

Ice cream on the shore
Not pictured: Bird horde to my immediate left

Fjordland National Park
Photos of the surrounding terrain were unquestionably enhanced by performing wacky antics for the camera

Lazy
Yes, I was hogging the bigger bean bag. Too chill to care.

Milford Sound
Score another point for New Zealand