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Published: September 30th 2017
Geo: -37.8096, 175.773
Today's visit to Hobbiton was a massive disappointment - sure, the gorgeous rolling hills and the impossibly-cute Hobbit holes were pretty amazing, turning most of the visitors into a bunch of giggling school kids that were acting as if it was their first time at Disneyland. But no matter how unforgettable our visit to Hobbiton was, no matter how awesome the tour was, we just couldn't forget about one major flaw in our time here today - where the hell were the Hobbits??!?!!
The timing of our stop in Hobbiton was horrible planning, as it turned out that this was when all the Hobbits make their annual pilgrimage up to Rivendell, for Middle Earths biggest, best, and longest rave! Nobody knows how to celebrate New Years Eve like Lord Elrond, who puts on a massive week-long party that runs all day and all night. You might think that elves are only good at archery and fighting, but it's an uncommonly-known fact that they can dance like nobody else in the world!
Decked out in their finest designer tunics, with their perfectly-coiffed locks, with not so much as a single strand of hair out of place, they are the Kings
and Queens of the Rivendell rave scene, representing the highest level of perfection, in the most perfect of places, and of the most perfect of races. Elves are the pinnacle of Middle Earths Eurotrash sub culture, raising clubbing to an art form, one that is light years above and beyond any club scene you might find in Berlin or Madrid.
Imagine the most famous super clubs in Ibiza on steroids, combined with the biggest European music festivals, and you'd have some small idea of the Rivendell Rave, as it has come to be known. For it is only in Middle Earth where you can find elves rocking to the bass, and pulling off dance moves that seemingly the defy the laws of physics, and ones that seem to even challenge the known laws of space-time. Perhaps if Stephen Hawking could ever witness these moves for himself, he would be able to finally come up with his theory of everything.
Sadly, we weren't able to make it up to Rivendell to join in on the debauchery, as it's the hottest ticket of the year in Middle Earth, with only the richest and most famous receiving the privilege of this exclusive invite.
So, we had to make due with our little visit to Hobbiton, which, while completely devoid of any signs of Hobbit life, was compensated by the hordes of happy tourists, smiling like little kids in the sweetest of candy shops.
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