Tahiti Top Ten!

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Well, Polynesia is now in the rear view mirror as we fly to New Zealand (me, at least, glad to be getting out of here).

I thought I would do a top ten of the frustrations I had in this part of the world which I feel has lost its way as a place to visit, given the beauty of the natural surroundings. Don't take it too seriously, I just need a rant to get it off my chest.

Perhaps they just don't like backpackers?

Number 10 - The weather

As with so many places we visit, the weather was "most unusual for this time of year" or, on the day we arrive, we get "it was lovely yesterday, and there were whales and dolphins right in the high street". We saw so much rain, in the dry season, we didn't see Moorea, particularly, at its best.

Number 9 - The beaches

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There aren't many, and you can't get on to those you find, as someone has built a house in the way. I thought French Polynesia was an island paradise - that would mean beaches?

Number 8 - Government Employees

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Anyone who has a job at a tourist information office or in officialdom seems to have a lazy, not going to help you attitude. Top prize goes to the lady in the Moorea tourist information office (which, helpfully, is on the opposite side of the island to the port and the airport, where you are most likely to need help on arrival) who, when finally opening after having had her "closed for lunch" sign up for over 2 hours, invited us, impolitely, to read some leaflets if we need to know anything at all.













Number 7 - Public Transport

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When the buses look like wrecks and have no signs telling of any possible destination (or even that they are for public use), the drivers wear only beaten up grubby shorts (not even any footwear) and look likely to attack you, and all buses disappear for most of the day, public transport can be a waste of time. Me and Nic waited a total of 6 hours for buses on our first day in Moorea - it doesn't feel like a holiday when that's how time is spent.
















Number 6 - Public Phones

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In a vain attempt to book something ahead in Polynesia (it is actually impossible to arrange anything in advance - it would make things too easy), I bought a fantastically expensive phone card, after hours of searching for the right thing, only to find that it was for dialling overseas. I used a tenner of the queens english and never got through to book the accomodation I was aiming for. It seems that the money is too big for there to ever be such a thing as a pay phone where you just put money in (see below)....

Number 5 - The Money

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They have notes the size of table cloths, with garish patterns and toytown colours printed on them, so they look like you might find in on old age pensioners spare room bedspread, for silly amounts like 10,000 pacific francs (which at an exchange rate of 165 to a pound made conversion to johnny english a major exercise in long division, after which you realised you just paid 4 quid for a coke). The coins look like chocolates - if they were, it would be good for chocoholics as they are roughly the size of manhole covers. And all this you have to put in your swimming shorts.

Number 4 - Taxis

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These are as rare as hens teeth, and when you find one (always parked up, never in motion), the driver doesn't fancy going where you want, or the price is so high, you would be mad to pay (like £30 to go 5 kms). An utterly useless mode of transport for all but the super rich (with a mobile phone) in Polynesia.

Number 3 - Sunday licensing laws

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You can't buy alcohol after 10:00am on a Sunday on Huahine. What's that all about - this is French Polynesia, not the dark ages or 20th century Wales. We got to the supermarket at 10:30 and it was game over for me and a beer. Nic had some "Tahiti" drink, an orange and wine in a carton thing, which I found as palatable as a parking ticket, so I couldn't have what was offered. Late that evening, after a nice but dry meal (and it seemed like 50 hours later), I was to be seen running round the harbour, asking at the food stalls if I could get a beer with food (even though I was not hungry) - no chance was what I think they said in French. Now that needs sorting out if I am to have a good holiday.

Number 2 - The good ship Veanu to Huahine, Rai'tea and Bora Bora

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This was the best example of usability and customer service shortfalls you could ever find - like a John Cleese how not to do it video.

The ship leaves at 4pm from Papeete on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. To go on the ship, you have to go to the dock, 3kms from town, at 9:00am on the day of travel to try to buy a ticket, if there are any available (you can't make a reservation by telephone). You are then free to return to town for a few hours until the ship leaves. This means you have to be in Papeete the previous night, or you can chance it later in the day and rick missing the boat. Either way, you have the problem of getting to the office, as there is no public transport there, and to take a taxi would break the bank.

Then you find that you can only go cabin class - deck class is full. This means paying for a cabin from 4pm until 1am, and then having to pay again for accomodation at Huahine, as you already slept in the airport and don't fancy sleeping on a dock (see below). This costs big money, even for an English traveller.

And when you buy your ticket, it is not possible to book a return, so you can't be sure you'll get back to Tahiti on a given day (like to make a flight or something). You have to buy the ticket on the island you get off on, and hope there is room. And you can't do this when you arrive (because it's 1:00am in the morning), you have to do it the day before you want to return, at 7:00am in the harbour (too bad if you are staying on the otherside of the island eh?).

And when you turn up with a backpack and daypack, they try to charge you extra for the second bag, so you have to fit the daypack onto the backpack to go up the gang plank, risking falling in to the drink as you are so unstable.

And then you have to find 2,500 francs as a depost for the cabin key, from the rudest woman on the planet. And when you don't have the right money, you have to disembark, go to the office across the way for change, and come back to get the key.

And finally, (I only found this out in New Zealand), you get eaten alive in your cabin by a mozzie and get Dengue Fever, which lays you low for a fortnight (at least I didn't spend much in NZ for 14 days).

Number 1 - Tahiti Airport at 1:00am

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These guys really know how to receive you in style, if you are not staying in a 5 star resort. After a big line up to enter the country, you find that there are no cash points which take anything but a tahitian bank card (oh yeah, like us international holidaymaker arrivals have one of those), and a money exchange which won't change Chilean money, even though you just arrived from Chile and there are flights back there.

There are some happy Polynesians dishing out leys to the Rapa Nui party who have just arrived from Easter Island on your flight, and exchanging traditional dance routines to a loud drumbeat, which you might be able to stand and admire if you weren't busy worrying about your lack of local currency, the absence of anyone offering accomodation, the closed sign on the information desk and the complete lack of any amenity that might be useful to you as a pennyless, homeless, grubby backpacker.

You change up the acceptable hard currency you can find (US Dollars, a few ten pound notes, etc) to get a measly 35,000 pacific francs, then find out that the taxi to town (5kms) is going to take all of that and leave you nothing for even a drink when you get there.

So you realise you will have to stay the rest of the night at the airport, and hope for a bright idea in the morning. Then you notice there are no benches you could possibly sleep on, and even the floor spaces all seem to have some suitability problem. Eventually, you opt for a corridor that seems to have no through traffic, and try to set up a camp whereby your belongings and valuables will be safe, in the unlikely event of you falling asleep. And so you pass the time from 2:00am to 5:00am, at which point the airport check-in's open, and all change of sleep is lost.

Tahiti - welcome to paradise (no backpackers, please)

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Wow, I feel better now!

Just to balance the books, I also have a top 5 of nice things that happened to us:

5 The lady from Moorea Diving who gave us a lift after we waited 3 hours for a bus
4 The man with a gun on his parcel shelf, who gave us and our luggage a lift to the port in Papeete, when we were well stuck
3 Mrs Fetia, who found us new, cheaper digs when we couldn't afford to stay with her anymore
2 Swimming with the rays on Moorea (even the sun shone that morning)
1 The lady at Moorea camping, who was always helpful and happy, and thoughtful to our needs

And yes, I know, I am on a 6 month "trip of a lifetime", so I shouldn't moan at all. Sometimes, a leopard can't change its spots, even on a big holiday!

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Photos

Heading for frustrations
Victor Meldrew arrives at Moorea ....

Cue the next storm!
Don't mention the weather ....

Victor, meet Ray
It was weird for me, but probably more so for the ray .....