Pool life with the Boganaires

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As I waited for my old mate Charley to return from the shops a jacked up black Ford Ranger Ute cruised into the Woolworths car park, windows down with fake suntanned Eye and blond Shenaye up front with the number plate reading HUSLER.

During my three years absence from WA the world has moved on a pace while if anything have taken a step backwards. My friends have by now accepted that to live without the latest trappings is my choice, while I see it as an essential part of remaining sane it also has the benefit of allowing me to view life with a different perspective. While I alone may not believe in the world wide imagined order of Microsoft and Apple I do however pose no threat, because the rest of the world probably does believe.

So it was of no surprise to discover that in WA a new sub-group of Sapiens had materialised and classed as Boganaires. Australians are now completely domesticated no longer that skanky old rust bucket this machine was gleaming black and beautiful as the day it left the showroom, not a speck of dust to be seen. Australians have dedicated their lives to building their own personal pyramid and now own the biggest houses in the world. The Boganaires keep that beautiful machine in the double garage along with the BMW with the garage doors up so everyone can admire the contents. No longer the parched patio and back yard full of rusting junk these are cashed up Bogans and can afford the plastic lawn with succulents, dracaena palms plus a couple of cannabis plants by the pool.

The demi bender style alcove with lounge seating dominates the area along with the mini bar and outdoor TV so as never to miss the footy. The Kids are named after team players or singers of country and western music and while they muck about on the double headed inflatable dinosaur Dad may just slope off to the gym for some peace and quiet to watch the second half on yet another super-sized screen. Lunch break for Kye is a smoko and for Shenaye dinner is a cook-up. Other outdoor activities include a soak in the hot tub which has cost almost as much as the house. For the kids footy is the only game and the only program to watch apart from Bachelorrette, a reality TV program where she and not he gets to discover her perfect man over a twelve week period of elimination.

As true believers in the myths of romantic consumerism Boganaires holidays are summer in Bali or Phuket and winter at their south coast holiday home. They love Cartier and Tiffany bling but their favourite shop is still the Bottle-o. Boganaires have achieved an elevated position on the hierarchical scale of Ozzy lifestyle but beyond all they always smell nice whatever the weather. In recent days its been in the high thirties but last night the skies opened to create a steaming tropical paradice. The Boganaires have succeeded in some respect in breaking down the prison walls but how long before they discover that their newly found freedom is simply the more spacious exercise yard of a bigger prison?

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