Glow Golf in Melbourne

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If you’ve just about reached the end of the line, if you’ve crossed the line bordering genuine sightseeing and desperate boredom, if you absolutely have nothing better to do with your day, then try glow in the dark mini golf. It at least sounds fun right? I caught the free sightseeing tram (which I’d been using as legitimate commuter transport for about a fortnight) and rode it almost full circuit round to Harbour Town, a fairly new-built shopping/eating complex which is pretty useless unless you have money to burn. Seeing as I was in Melbourne to try to find a job, suffice it to say that I was not on the lookout for expensive boutiques and eateries. Anyhoo, I’d seen a flyer for this mini golf place, and seeing as I never got to play it in Canberra (that’s a whole other story) I thought I give it a go. Of course, I’m guessing it would have been more fun if I wasn’t alone and/or was drunk at the time.

In the reception was a ridiculously stereotyped nerd. I mean, if I’d’ve made it up it would sound cliché – but there he was, comic book t-shirt, pony tail, rotund, half-hearted beard, morose face, loathe to be prised away from whatever online game he was playing instead of manning the cash register, nerd. Sounds harsh but I am a nerd so it’s okay, I can call it. He was so lethargic compared to pretty much every other Aussie I’d met so far I almost wanted to walk right back out, but like I said, I had absolutely nothing else to do. So I got my club and scorecard and little pencil and a free can of soft drink for some reason, and headed into the dark. Well, it was supposed to be dark. It was about 2/3rds dim and the rest was practically well-lit. How can anything glow in the dark if it’s not dark? Plus, the other people (and to my surprise, there were a few) could actually see me – which was not a good thing, I felt more conspicuous than Gandalf at beach volleyball. Though he seems like the kind of guy that would take it in his stride.

The decor was run down, even for such a new place, cheap and depressing, and the whole thing only took maybe half an hour. The couple in front of me won a free round in the final hole which they gave to me saying they had to leave the city soon so wouldn’t get chance to use it. Yeah right, they probably just didn’t fancy making the second trip. I didn’t refuse but never got round to using it, I mean there’s killing time and then there’s ‘Glow Golf’. I launched my club back at the register guy and stepped back out into the daylight feeling slightly dirty, like I did after paying full price to see the Spongebob Squarepants movie in the cinema, or going into Pizza Hut just to eat the hot cookie dough dessert. I made sure to take the longest possible free tram ride back to the hostel. Tommorow I would have to find a job for sure.

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Photos

Edna Everidge
Possibly the best thing about the docks.