Australia Part 3 - Great Ocean Road

---

Our first proper tour bus…….good idea?.....hmmmm……..

Now not only had we arrived in Melbourne during the Grand Prix, which meant that hostels were full and prices were extortionate but also the following week it was gonna be Easter so either way we needed to leave Amanda and graham to have their weekend together and to find somewhere to stay in Melbourne. Luckily we were only in town for one night as we had booked (in all our organising) a 3 day trip along the great ocean road. Again this is one of the rights of “travelling” passage so to speak, and ideally you’d drive it yourself, but all the car hire was bloody expensive and those that were cheaper only let you drive within the town centre of Melbourne so not much use. So as much as we didn’t want to join a tour bus and have to….gulp….talk to other travellers and be sociable…we went for it.

We had one brief night in town at a large hostel that had a lot more going on than the Miami Hotel we’d been at before. We have noticed that there is a proportional relationship between the size and “excitement” of a hostel and its level of sanitation. Not that we are too bothered, we’ve been travelling for so long now we have got into our little routine, of rewashing any cutlery before we use it etc, but having to pay extra for one night due to the stupid Grand Prix being on meant we were not happy at this hostel. The next morning and I mean early morning, we waited outside our hostel to be collected by the tour bus. It was luckily a tiny bus that held only 20 people but still had room for our huge luggage. We got on with tow other Swedish girls (too young even for Nath) and joined the only other two passengers already on board, Sharon and Angie from Malaysia. They were a lot older than us and very overly friendly and chipper for such an early hour. But it was nice to have someone we could talk to, that was form somewhere other than Europe (as 90% of travellers seem to be).

Our driver Pete looked remarkably like another Pete we know (Glyns brother to be precise) but had an Aussie flare to him that made him funny and intimidating at the same time. He was joined by a blonde lady called Tracy, who was a trainee for the tour position and was learning the ropes (she funnily enough reminded me of Rene Zellwegger). We picked up everyone else as the sun rose over Melbourne and started to make our way out on the motorway, our first trip outside of Melbourne. Most people fell asleep but I managed to stay awake, despite not being enthralled by the industry for scenery but just happy to be moving onto somewhere new. The music that Pete played was a mix of cheesy classics and rock anthems, so that also helped the time pass. After 2 hours we got to our first stop which was the main surf beach they use for competitions and the one that they depicted in the film “break point”. We couldn’t actually go there to see it though as it was all cordoned off for the beginning of the Rip Curl surf competition that was due to start the next day. We did see a few guys having a practice but nothing amazing, I’m sure we could have done the same - well maybe not. Our second stop was at the beginning of the Great Ocean Road (GOR from now on to save my finger joints) to take some shots of the wooden sign that names the road and has stood there with the same supports that had held it through Black Monday, a day years ago when there was a huge bush fire that burnt for days and killed lots of locals.

Although we had all been sat on the bus for a couple of hours now, most people were in couples and no one bar Angie and Sharon had bothered to introduce themselves, including Nath and I. This travelling in confided spaces with people was something we hadn’t had to do for a while and we remembered why we weren’t bothered!! Anyway we stopped off for tea, biscuits and introductions at a picturesque bay, that if we’d been driving we’d have stayed longer at. As a get to know you group section we all had to say who we were, where we were from and something interesting about us. The sort of method used on all these type of trips to get you to pretend you’re actually interested in what the other people have to say. I offered to go first and was about the only person (in my opinion) that had anything interesting to say about themselves. I said about my job, well my old job and this always gets a good reaction. The normal routine is “wow”, so do you use mainly Labradors/” to which I reply no not really that’s Guide Dogs, where their predictable reply is always, “oh sorry who do you work for again then?”. Sometimes I don’t know if people are taking the mick by not hearing that I work(ed) for hearing dogs for deaf people or just assume we all work for guide dogs.

Anyway everyone else struggled to say anything about themselves and by the end it was getting a bit embarrassing to hear everyone say “I’m with her so I’m here for the same reason really”. No imagination the youth of today heheheheh. With that half hearted exchange over we all headed back to the bus to move onto our next stop. This was just a quick stop to stretch our legs again but was also in an area where you could see koalas in the wild which thanks to the great zoom on Nath’s camera meant we got some lovely photos

The next stop was for lunch at a small town which had a music festival going on. Not huge bands just locals showing their talent by the looks of things. One kid couldn’t have been more than 7 years old and he was strumming away a great version of Nirvanas. Smells like teen spirit!! The restaurant we stopped at had some great food, or maybe it was because we were so hungry, having been up since 5am that day. The only issue was that we were on the table full of German tourists who made no effort to speak English so that we could join in. In the end I tried my best to make conversation but it was hard work, so soon gave up.

There was only one toilet for the ladies at this restaurant and it was outside at the back of the place. After waiting for some woman to shit out her entire insides (you’d have thought the amount of time she took) I finally got to go and then walked back to finish my meal. You know you get those times when you say to yourself, “don’t fall over” and then you do…..well that happened to me just as I passed some lads walking towards the loos. Not to sound like a baddy from Scooby doo but if it wasn’t for the metal grate on the floor then I would have got away with it, but unfortunately I fell and feel hard onto the grate making a huge crashing sound, that made the lads turn round. I felt like such a idiot, and immediately got up and said I was fine even though my knee and hip were throbbing , and dragged my embarrassed arsed back to the table - thank god none of them were attractive!! (Nath - they were obviously attractive enough to distract you from looking where you were going!!)

After the excitement of this little country town it was back in the bus to see the picturesque part of the road. It was starting to get a bit grey by this point but we remained positive (for once I hear you cry!!). Now I completely understand why tour groups are made to do these exercises, but its not like we are work colleagues that have to get on, we’re complete strangers and there is a very slim chance we will contact each other ever again. See even writing that I hate that I sound like Nath (sorry hon) who insists on this same theory of why make an effort with complete strangers who you’ll never see again. I can see his point but something says to me if this was true then we wouldn’t talk to anyone or ever make new friends. If you don’t know anything about each other then that’s why you should start finding these things out and see how it goes, you may still find they are a bore or a weirdo but at least you’re trying. Anyway my point was the tour guide Pete had suggested we all get to know each other by swapping seats every few minutes and finding out as much as we could, like speed dating. This would have worked really well if it hadn’t been for a couple of things, one we were travelling around the windiest part of the roads so you felt sick not keeping your eye on the horizon and secondly there was an odd number and such a small bus that on 3 occasions I sat and had to make further conversation with the same person over and over again. You could see everyone getting a bit annoyed by it but trying none the less. I don’t mind these sorts of things and I was surprised and proud of how well Nath had done having to speak to people he didn’t give a crap about. I did find however that I did all the asking and no one found anything out about me. (Nath - just to clarify and explain that I’m not a totally antisocial git, I just don’t see the point in being forced to make small talk to people who I will not keep in contact with and will not remember what they have told me 2 hours later anyway when I could be doing something useful like looking at the scenery which is why I’m on the tour!!)

We stopped for a walk through a wooded area to see some old and unusual trees just as it started to rain. By the time we got to the picturesque parts of the tour it was pissing it down, not just a little but really pouring and it didn’t stop all day. This was ok on the first few stops but after this we were beginning to get drenched and cold. I had long trousers on that dragged on the floor and as the time between the stops was so small nothing ever had time to dry off. By the time we got to the 12 Apposals, the most photographed part of the tour I was not in the mood anymore and had decided I would stay on the bus and see the photos Nath took. Although he did convince me to make the effort to go see them I didn’t stay long and was the first back on the bus. I was in quite a foul mood by now, tired, wet hungry again etc but luckily for Pete we arrive outside a animal park just as I was about to use my nut cracker on his balls!! This was the best bit of the trip for me, not just because we were under cover a bit more so I was dry for a second, but because it had animals and hey a trip isn’t a trip for me without the chance to hold a fluffy animal.

This place was great, obviously a cheap place without advertising, so it must have relied on word of mouth. Run by a family who lived on site and smelt like the animals they looked after. The animals were in pens but some were free to roam about and you were given a basket of bread roles (some with free maggots in) to give to the animals. We got to see our first kangaroos up close, wow they are big and their muscley upper body looks so human like its weird. They were quite pushy with the bread and in the end I had to walk away otherwise the other animals would have gone without. After making sure all the animals had had a fair amount of bread each, and seeing a little Joey in a pouch we got called over to have a hands on introduction with some of the animals. On the way there the wallabies which were meant to be enclosed, just sat in the middle of the path looking at us and blocking our way (luckily they are small). we exchanged pleasantries, he pointed out a good pub down the road and before long we had each others email……..(stubbs out joint) anyway we got to the hands on demonstration to find the old man and his daughter who had two faces worth of makeup on (she couldn’t have been more than 14) man handling a kangaroo Joey, a sugar glider, a koala and a snake.

Nath held the snake, which I wasn’t interested in; I wanted fur and lost of it, so I held the Joey who was wrapped up in a tea cosy. His little face pocking out wondering what the hell was going on. Then Nath and I took it in turns to have the sugar glider (like a flying hamster) poop on us, before holding a very ansy koala who was not interested at all. Now I don’t know anything about koala behaviour but I’m pretty sure that his reaction to us crowding round him was a negative one and he didn’t want to be there, but the young girl told me he was just being a poo poo pants and would be ok in a moment. I felt bad for him but had him thrust upon me for a photo opportunity anyway. Koalas always look fluffier and nicer than in real life. Their claws alone could scrape your face off and he was clinging a little too near my jugular for comfort so I soon gave him back - poor fella must have been so glad to go back to his hidey hole.

With the excitement of holding my first ozzie animal over it was time to get to the hostel. Now I was unaware of an option to ask for a double room for the pre planned hostels on the advert but it would seem that some people had. They had been told it would depend on how many doubles the place had left when we got there, so they knew the deal. Pete told us there were only 3 doubles available, he normally has one as he had been driving for 8 hours (which is understandable) so one couple would have to back down. You could have cut the air with a knife, the three couples who wanted doubles were insistent they all still wanted one and wouldn’t budge on it. In the end Pete had to offer his own bed for one of them, which I’m sure he was doing to be polite expecting someone to say “don’t be silly its fine you shouldn’t go without a comfy bed and a decent night sleep, after all you have been driving since 5 this morning” but no, none one did. Now maybe because we didn’t care as long as we were in the same dorm, or maybe because we are too polite to make the bus driver sleep on the sofa, but there is no way we would have forced Pete to make that decision. We felt really bad for him so Nath thought he would help him feel better by saying we also demanded a double bed. The sarcasm took a moment to set in but he got there in the end, not before his face had dropped and the steam had started to come out form his ears. Come on you aussies, you’re all for being confident and brash but sarcasm still doesn’t seem to make sense to you does it!!! (We laughed anyway)

The hostel was cute, I really liked it but maybe because it was the direst and warmest I’d felt all day. As a group we had ordered pizza so we sat with Angie and Sharon and a German couple and chatted for quite a while. Angie and Sharon were funny ladies, very smiley and positive all the time, and they loved our British humour “is that UK?” we’d get asked when we were being sarcastic. Angie told us about how much she had got for free around Melbourne by haggling. Being as it is something she is used to doing she explained how to do it and made it sound so easy. I’m just not sure I could do it all that well, it still feels rude to me, even though I know it’s almost cultural expectation in some countries. I said I would try when we got to china, but I’m not sure how well I’ll really do. Foreign people still freak me out!!

Next morning we all had breakfast and I shared a laugh with Pete about the Bill Bryson book we had both read about OZ. He seemed in a fairly good mood considering he hadn’t got his double bed and again I wound him up about this. As we were waiting outside ready to get in the van straight to our next stop the German couple we’d spoken to that evening seemed to have been the only people that didn’t hear Pete say when breakfast was and when we were leaving (4 times in total he’d said this). So after waiting ages Pete had to go and wake them up whilst we continued to wait by the van. They finally arrived wishing everyone a good morning to which Nath replied bluntly “good afternoon” causing the rest of the group to laugh out loud (Nath has a subtle way of making his feelings felt!) We stopped at supermarkets a few times during the trip to grab a few snacks and bits, always being told that we only have a few minutes so don’t dordle otherwise we would have less time at the nice sites we had come to see. But every time we were always waiting for someone who had either not heard or assumed this didn’t apply to them….it was never us (gold stars).

Anyway that morning we went to some coastal area that Pete knew and took some shots in the early morning sky before getting back in the bus to spend 3 hours driving to the Grampians. What with the early morning start, the long distance and the swaying of the bus we all fell asleep on the journey up and Pete had to wake us up when we got to the National Park and say don’t sleep anymore this is the good bit. It was out first experience of Ozzie bush and it was really beautiful with proper Australian wildlife sitting in trees and the like. There was also evidence of the bush fires of recent years and the devastation it must have caused. Our first stop was an aboriginal cultural centre where I leant a lot about their society. It was really interesting and confirmed everything I had read about in Bill Bryson’s book (that I’d read previously). It was a really hot day in the end which made a nice change from being soaked the previous day. We got to our hostel which was in the middle of the National Park, similarly set up to the place we had stayed at in Yosemite. Very basic and full of cobwebs, which I tried not to think about. We were the only two in our room beside the young attractive girls from Sweden (yes blonde and tanned.) as the 4 Chinese people with us insisted they wanted their own room. This was a good thing as the night before they had chatted out loud even though the rest of us were already in bed and made huffing noises - do they not know what huffing means!!!

A quick change into walking shoes we headed back in the bus up to the top of the Grampians range for a hike, that wasn’t meant to be too long. Sharon decided it was too much for her legs, she was the oldest in the group and had generally suffered along the way with the speed the trip had been going. These tours are great and there isn’t really an age limit but only in respect to you need to keep up. So she enjoyed a slow walk back down the mountain on her own whilst we convinced Angie that she could make the trek to the top with us. The walk up was great; walking over boulders and sheer rock faces, luckily with a few bolted in hand rails. I felt quiet fit at times as most people were panting by the time we had our little stops. Not to say I wasn’t; believe me I still sounded like a huge Labrador but I recovered pretty quickly. On the way up Pete continued to tell us more of his stories most relating to romance or a couple who had suffered in some way. They did relate to what we were doing or seeing at the time, but given the number of them we ended up ribbing him about how we figured he had been burnt by a girlfriend thus was a negative romance storey teller. He had previously mentioned 2 or 3 different girls who all had cute names for him to remember them by , I think it was something like psycho girl, baby maker etc etc, you get the idea.

We continued up to the very top the Grampian range, stopping a few more times in the heat, spotting little lizards as we went, but by the time we got to the top, everyone had had their fill of climbing I think, but we were all glad we’d done it, the view was amazing. There was a platform that jutted out into the air which was a little stomach churning, but one by one we all made our way to the huge drop beneath us to have a look at just how far we had come. I could see the hostel just about from where we were. There was an outcrop of rock that the little whippet Sweden girls headed to straight away which of course encouraged many others to try as well. Holding my breath I took a shot of Nath doing his karate kid impression with hundreds of feet to fall beneath him. I too had to then do my obligatory laying down shot (as it seems to have now become) but I was moaning at Nath to bloody hurry up as I had images of the rock crumbling beneath my cheap takeaway food, pie eating body.

On the walk back down I zoomed ahead chatting with Tracey the girl that was with Pete learning the rope. I’d spoken to her a good few times and she was a lovely girl. She’d just been working on the silk road tours through Asia for the last few years and now wanted to move back home to do tourist trials a bit nearer to family. She reminded me of Renee zellweger, which is weird coz that’s two people I’ve met in the course of 3 months that have reminded me of her??? We had so much in common and ended chatting non stop all the way down forgetting about everyone else behind us. We were chatting about our age and how we felt a little old travelling, it was good to know she felt the same too. How we felt pressured to settle down and grow up, it would seem that turning 30 for someone that is single means you’re pretty much a dried up old hag as far as dating goes!! I also mentioned how we do winged a little but I was trying not to too, which I failed miserably to do as I then went on to whinge about half the other tour members and then about my age etc etc. By the time we got to the bottom we had to sit around and wait for Pete and everyone else, as he had the key to the van, luckily it was still a great sunny afternoon!!

We headed back to the hostel, and stopped off at the local football field to take photos of the local kangaroos that were just chilaxing on the grass. It was so weird to see them outside of a zoo etc just doing what kangers do - scratch, eat stare and not necessarily in that order. We got back to the hostel and wrapped up for the evening BBQ as it was another cold night. One of the Swedish girls was helping cook, mainly I think because she was vegetarian, or maybe because she was frying the healthy vegetables to help maintain her gazelle like physic (young firm bitch). We all sat and forced a social evening out of the need to eat food. I felt really bad for Pete and Tracey, I don’t know what their tours are like normally, but it just seemed really hard work. So as usual, we tried to have a joke, which for most went over their heads or insulted them in some weird cultural difference type situation. Anyway once a few people had gone, Nath and I sat outside with Pete and Tracey and polished off some more alcohol (we’d been the only people to buy some and felt a bit like lardy lushes) which meant it was an ideal time to swap funny stories and compare our countries different customs and language. Wow that sounds so intelligent and civilised doesn’t it!! What I really mean is we laughed about who said certain words the funniest and who drove the most reckless on roads etc.

As it was getting cold we moved indoors and the laughter that had started outside continued into sharing jokes and then this migrated into showing each other sick things on our phones that friends had sent us. Of course Nath had a load of this material, and he and Pete sat in the corner like girls laughing every now and then at their screens. Tracey and I were obviously too delicate for some of them as they boys would walk around us and sit and snigger between themselves. With this going on into the early hours and another early start the next day we figured it was time for bed.

Early next morning, not to gloat or anything, we were yet again the first ready and on the bus (da dah!!) which meant we could share tutting glances with Pete and Tracey at the “foreigners” that arrived late heheheheh. This day was pretty much a quick stop at a few sights in the morning before spending hours driving back to Melbourne. We drove up to some other mountainous lookouts where we could admire the morning fog floating ghostly over the valley below. It was great to see but not that great that I dint want to get straight back in the bus and get warm again!! From here we headed to a waterfalls, where there were 200 stairs to descend to get to it. Great on the way down but a shitter on the way up. Because we clearly don’t already have enough photos of water falling over rocks, Nath stayed at the bottom and took another gazillion for the blog album (bet you can’t wait!)(Nath - I thought it was one of the nicest waterfalls we had seen on our trip!) whilst I gave up and headed back up the 200 steps. 6 weeks later I arrived breathless at the top (perhaps I’m not as fit as I thought eh!!) and waited for the stragglers to return to the bus.

Whilst waiting with Nath for everyone to be ready to leave, out of nowhere his “man necklace” broke off. We always laughed at this sort of thing as being an omen as I’ve bought him a good few now each time one of them falls apart. Nath considers them to be his ball and chain, or pee stain to show that I own him. Anyway with this now broken and the sexy Swedish girls near by I was a little worried 😊 but luckily, Nath feeling obviously ill or delusional maybe said that he still did like me. I suggested that maybe his necklace wasn’t a ball and chain after all, maybe it was dumbo’s feather, you know the feather he needed to fly (he always thought he needed it to love me but turns out perhaps all along he actually did anyway).

Our last stop was another look out, in the sunshine this time to talk about our trip as a group and get feedback about the 3 day extravaganza. As with the personality bypass that was the meet and great over tea we had when we first met up, three days on it wasn’t much better. I went first again to show some enthusiasm and said my favourite part had been the stupid stories Pete had told us (or the animal holding part), with which most people, with a little bloody kick up the arse manage to also give their opinion. It seemed we had all really enjoyed the animal parts and the hike up the mountain, but as for all the other scenery we had been show, well we could have left it!! Nath piped up at the end of this lovely sharing session that his favourite part had been lunch on the first day, Roast chicken and chips!!

On the drive back to Melbourne we dropped off most of the group, onto a connecting bus that was taking them to Adelaide, so in the end it was only Nath and I and Angie and Sharon. All four of us were taken, as an extra surprise to a local winery, where Pete obviously knew the locals and played with their dog outside whilst we helped ourselves to the local wines. My favourite was a sparkling red you serve chilled. Sounds weird I know but I thought it was really nice. After trying all the nice bottles we opted for buying the cheap stuff form the back of the warehouse - classy to the last we is!!! So with a little wine in our systems, we all one by one, fell asleep in the coach on the long drive back as we were all able to lie across the walk way now there were extra seats. So all in all a bloody good trip I’d say

---

Photos

P1110362
The house on the pole

P1110365
The start of the great ocean road - this is the original sign (well part of it is the rest burnt down years ago)

P1110372
The famous surf competition that we couldnt view coz of the rain!!

P1110399
Our first wild koala

P1110432
More bloody bush walks -got sick of these in NZ

P1110434
The tree had a furry bark (Reminded Nath of mandys top lip!)

P1110441
The 12 aposals in the rain (although there are only 9 now)

P1110468
What?!!!!

P1110473
Trying to warm up

P1110490
OK are we at home or something!!