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Published: August 6th 2007
The whole lot!
Back row: Chantel,Gav,Sean,me
Front:Ursula,ClaireHey people, hope this blog finds everyone safe and well. This one has been 6 weeks in the making so apologies for that but I have been restricted in what I can write and when due to people leaving but wanting to surprise others at home, so have had to hold off a while on that account. However, it is ironic that most people complain my blogs take forever to read and yet I have had innumerable emails, posts and texts asking me to hurry up with the next one, what a fickle public I have, an authors work is never done I tell you! Thomas Jefferson once wrote " The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one
will do" Sadly for you lot this isn't a skill I have mastered (nor for that matter want to) so its another big read this time and balls to Mr Jefferson, bet he never had to write about living with Irish people and the madness that ensues!
So I shall begin with reference to the title (a nod to Bob Dylan and my dad there)(please note I have now mentioned Thomas Jefferson and Bob Dylan
Tux t-shirts
How happy am I to be wearing that!! in the opening of this blog, never let it be said I don't bring you lot culture)and the first paragraph, that being all is changing and people are leaving me! It had to happen eventually, and it was expected, and after all I came out alone and am fully prepared to be solo and live that adventure, but still when people you have become great friends with and lived with side by side for 6 months leave you, its a strange feeling and leaves you a bit bereft. And so it was when phase one of Operation leave Mike kicked in to action and Andy/Julie left us in Bondi. Julie had a job to get back to and Andy was being dutiful but also had his fair share of Aus too I think. It started to affect us all being stuck in the one place for so long, and especially a place so small where the most action in one night was taking the 3 steps from your position on the setee to stand in the kitchen, take in the surroundings of your 6 foot by 7 foot cell, pace a little,stare out of the window at our view of
Me being carried across the threshold
You can't actually see the strings in the background holding me up, I weigh 15 stone I swear.. a car park,yawn widely,whistle for a moment, scratch yourself but not for too long that it is mistaken for groping, sigh deeply, then return to your position and the TV. This is not to say that the place nor company was bad, far from it, I still wouldn't change it much, we had some great times, laughs and stories to tell along the way and I know they will be missed and be friends for life, but I have defintely been reinvigorated by the new surroundings and people and it has held off my itchy travelling feet for a little while. The build up to them going even had some of the usual messy times, what better way to see them off than with some alcohol!
Never ones to shun the limelight, and also due to us quoting the 'Talladega Nights' movie over and over with lines such as "I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party" the boys decided it only right that for our final night we dress up in said tuxedo t-shirts. Reluctantly I had to comply, I don't mind being the
The view from our window=my office!
See the big building on the right? It's where I work! accidental fool of the moment and often am, especially when drunk, but fancy dress and going out dressed like an idiot isn't really for me. But Andy used the old chestnut of looking me in the eyes, pausing for effect, holding me tightly, and saying 'I'm asking you as a friend' and that was me sunk really. We got some laughs and random conversations out of them though so was worth it in the end. It appears that this night I had some kind of mini death wish going on as I seemed to look for trouble one way or the other. Firstly, while slightly tipsy (cough)I decided to visit the toilets and feeling a little unsteady used the cubicle, pulled the lid down and took myself a little seat, its a little hard to say exactly why as I don't remember this but I was either sorting my head out or texting somebody etc. I know of this because Andy walked into the toilet and called my name, fearing I had been gone a little longer than is usually necessary to drain the main vein. I, however, was apparently not content with simply opening the door and speaking-too easy
Tux t-shirts
Andy gives a little adjustment an option for a man of my calibre-so instead went for the clamber to the top of the gap to look over and talk to him. After a brief conversation with him I spied another male urinating in the trough as us men are resigned to do, and completely blowing away my last shred of heterosexual claims, began to abuse the poor guy for his umm.. lack of prowess shall we say?! Andy had to do some pretty sweet talking to save me a kicking so the story goes.
And so on it went, I was fairly good for a while until home time, where I insisted on getting food to take back, and spied to my glee a big spinning stick, not just any stick of meat though, in what must have been some kind of desperate plea for food poisoning it was a kangaroo kebab. Finally a chance for some Aussie culture. Although even this took some persuading to me, after being served it I became embroiled in some kind of argument with the owner as I insisted this was actually a wombat kebab and they were false advertising. After some persuasion, and no doubt some non
subtle glances towards both their large carving knife and phone I was satisfied, instead deciding to name my kebab Skippy and happily sang the song while eating it. It was not good. (Barry massive, I was also denied a massive high 5 by some guy who just looked at me, I was not impressed). Not even the ride home was smooth though, Andy and Julie decided I was not fit for the front seat of the taxi on account of me professing love to and annoying the driver as usual, and I think he was pleased with their decision. I would not go quietly though, threw a mini strop and insisted on and indeed attempting to gain access to the boot as it was all I was fit for. Sadly it wasn't to be so the back seat it was and another survival. I mention these mainly due to several premonitions of my demise, all within this same said week, when no fewer than 3 people texted or emailed asking me if I was alright and still alive as they had dreamt I had died, well fricking cheers people!!! So Sarah-Jane, Katie and Yank I'm afraid you will have to
quit the fortune telling game as currently I am still here, but can you all please stop dreaming of me in various stages of peril!
Once Andy and Jule had left, and we had said our tearful goodbyes, me and Gav had a decision to make, stay in Bondi or move on. Just about this time Gav heard through a friend of a friend of a place coming up in the city, and after checking it out we loved it and the decision was made. Our rent was $150 in Bondi now there was only 2 of us, for our small studio, while this new place was $166, but it was in the city centre so therefore saved me on both trains to and from work daily and taxis home after nights out. To add to this, my office is the building next door, I have timed it and it takes me a full 3 minutes to get from my front door to the office, those who know me will appreciate how much I love this and getting up at 20-2-9 to be in at 9!!To add to this, the place was amazing, a 33rd floor apartment offering stunning
views of the city, fully carpeted, fully equipped, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms(one with both shower and bath, luxury!), kitchen, lounge, washing machine and dryer, and the building itself then boasted a free gym, sauna, 2 swimming pools and squash courts. My old mate Atkins would be mocking me about now for being a poshpacker and not a backpacker!!
To top this off the people living there are the most nuts, easy going, up for a laugh people ever and we have been having a blast. Originally, me and Gav shared the one room, bed each, wardrobe space (another luxury I can tell you) and even the TV and playstation from the original place, then Sean and Claire shared another room, and Chantel had the last sun room/bedroom to herself. For a couple of weeks we also had another great girl named Uruslla staying with us on the settee before she flew home. All are Northern Irish, pretty much from around Gav and Andys way and all know each other, not to mention the other 3 million Irish in Sydney, most of which end up back at ours every weekend. Initially I admit I was a bit wary of them,
The usual aftermath!
Broken furniture,never getting our bond back! as usual it took a while to understand what in Lords name they were saying, but also the first weekend they were partying massively hard, they quite literally did not stop for 3 days straight and had all manner of people, noise and craziness going on. I was wondering if I could put up with this every weekend. Fast forward on a couple of weeks and its usually me in the midst of it all loving it, well if you can't beat them, join the right?! We have had many a crazy weekend now and some great laughs and all get on really well. Sadly just as it was getting superb the times had to change again, as is life!
Firstly it was time for Urusulla to leave which was a shame as she was some craic (I now talk half Irish just to warn you, my swearing has gone through the roof)and we got on really well. Then just to top it off Gav announced it was time to go home, so in the space of under a month all my original crew had left me and I had moved apartment, the times they are a changin! He
had decided a while before the move that it was time to go back, especially with Nat going to uni soon and his plans to go there also so all was set, but he was gutted to finally go once the crunch came and the new place was rocking. For the month or so in the new place we had some great times, none of which will make sense to anyone so I will save them but just for Gav-Steffi Graff, Sergeant Slaughter and Lewis Hamilton were all involved.. We had a load of nights out too, sometimes too many going 3 days straight when you have work on the Monday morning, oops! We went to another rugby game, Australia vs South Africa as a birthday treat, felt a bit bad about that as I only bought him a cake for his and he got me these tickets, but then he doesn't like cake so didn't eat it so I feel OK! One night we were drunk for a change, went to a kebab style place and ordered slices of a big lovely pizza they do here. In shock we watched as they cut the pizza on display and took
Few more of them..
Including Tonto the bouncer and big gay Andy, you work out which is which! it to a toaster to heat it.. Outraged at this we hatched a cunning plan, and as his back was turned we ran like hell out of the place and down the road. Now bare in mind we hadn't paid for this pizza, we had simply ordered and run, and it was hardly a robbery of Oceans 11 standard, so quite why we sprinted so fast down the road not stopping and giggling like school kids the whole way is beyond me, but my aren't we daring?! The best bit was then going to our usual place, ordering pizza, and watching open mouthed as they too took the pizza to a toaster also (we assume they do this always,we are just usually TOO drunk to notice),upon which we simply shrugged our shoulders and ate the things anyway! There had to be one last story about Gav in my blogs before he finally went home I guess, and it came when he had already fled the country. After another emotional goodbye at the train station Gav went on his way, flying from Sydney to Bangkok where he was to meet his folks for 10 days before home. Upon arrival at Bangkok
And yet more..
Also included for the blatant perving, excellent that man! airport he nipped to the toilet as one often needs to do after such journeys, and upon finishing up and leaving he then stood outside for several minutes waiting for me and wondering what I had eaten on the plane to keep me in there so long...conveniently forgetting that for the last 14 hours, train ride, airport, collecting of bags etc he had been on his own! I am truly worried for the state of my future blogs without Gav around to inspire me with his Gav-ness!
So thats all of them gone and the next chapter begins, more characters added to the play, more sub plots become evident. (which reminds me, new Harry Potter out, we all know how giddily childishly excited by this I am, I have not read it yet, anyone who ruins the end will die a horrible death). So as I said, we have my new partner in crime and drinking partner Sean, who has already been here a year and loves the place so much has just extended for a second year and never wants to go home. A great guy, we spend most of our time laughing, is some craic and also
puts some drink away, he is the new wing man although he has a serious fetish for Thai girls which I am having to fight hard. He is sharing his room with his cousin Claire, an absolute headcase of a girl (she will freely admit this don't worry) who is also some laugh, we get along great and she loves her weekends with a passion, she seriously parties harder than anyone I have ever know and I know some people!! Then we have Chantel, another gem of a girl who likes an odd tipple or two and has a heart of gold as you shall see! Perhaps not the sharpest tool in this box (she will FREELY admit this!) but that makes her all the better and we have had some conversations! All three of them look after me really well, perhaps a little too well as I seem to have landed on my feet. It may be the fact that I weigh about 5 stone soaking wet, or perhaps they are just jealous of my stunning Greek Adonis style body (cough) but they have taken it upon themselves to feed me up. I pretty much get my food cooked
High 5!
Look how happy I was before I realised he had already gone past me! Barry Massive-just like Amsterdam airport! for me every night (I know I know spoilt) mainly by Chantel but also by the others and have dined on many a fancy meal such as steaks, bolognaise, stir frys, tortillas and some more traditional Irish food like soups, brews, full roasts and many others I can't remember the names of. Also (and I can hear the tuts from here already before I write this)Chantel makes my sandwiches for me for work every day!! No more 2 minute noodles and pasta with sauce on for me! Living like a King and dancing like a Queen I tell you!!!!
I repay them the only way I know how, with alcohol, and will buy the occasional bottle of Jack Daniels etc for them (plus we split the costs of food just for the record). We have had many a night out and most of them I can't actually describe as usual due to legal limitations and not wanting to be outcast from my family-you know stripped of my tribal colourings, spears and warrior status and send out of the village into the void to fend for myself in disgrace type of thing. The flatmates seem to know half of Sydney
Shiny suited man again
Purely for Ryan Mcgee-I have accepted the mission and will find him for Ciara when she's here though and they are like one big extended family so I have met lots of random new friends and had some great times through them and they ensure I never miss out so are keeping an eye on me, despite the fact I am meant to be the oldest and wisest! One such time was a recent booze cruise we had which Claire arranged for someones birthday(OK so it was mainly a good chance for her to party but also because she's a good girl like that and looks after people)but it basically involved 50 Irish people and little old me, rammed together on a tiny boat and taken out around the harbour for 4 hours to get steadily drunk on the alcohol we brought. A great night and met a load more new people, got wrecked and laughed hard, not a bad old life sometimes. Despite this sounding like a recipe for disaster I managed to not fall off the boat but sadly nor did anybody else so i didn't get to do my Baywatch impression, save the day and live off the glory and women forever, damn it. Another group of girls I must also mention-because they are
Starting the drinking in the flat
Every single weekend the hats come out eventually! on lots of pictures and we see them most weekends (and because I know they are reading now so have to pretend to like them) so may become characters in the story are the Dublin girls, 11 crazily loud but great bantered girls so hello to them too, naming them would take too long. The final cast member is Gavin's new replacement and therefore my room mate, we placed an advert on the net asking for someone young, up for a laugh, likes a drink, backpacker, preferably from the UK, and who do you think we got in? Well despite the fact I am probably the furthest away from home actually possible, consider the irony that the person who has now moved in is from... Barry!! (Before you say it my Barry Massive crew, no he doesn't know you lot and you probably don't know him, he lives by the Cwm Tallag but went to school in Cardiff-therefore he is actually half intelligent..ha ha). He is only new in so I don't know him that well so will refrain from comment but he seems decent enough and laid back and is a chef in the Opera House so has a
fancy pants job too, his name is Matt and he is now entering stage right to join in proceedings. Right I think thats the current cast list up to date, lets hope its a successful run..
I realise this blog is long enough but can i just quickly interject here (tough if I can't, its my blog and I'm going to, get off my back!). I know everywhere has its share of weirdos but in this internet cafe today there are two and I just want to briefly mention them. One guy is to my right and is watching a movie-its called Little Man-and is the movie gav rented once and we have never let him forget as its THE worst movie ever in the world, well this guy is loving it and damn near bursting a bladder laughing at it, he is Asian and giggles like a 6 year old girl on helium, he is strange guy number one. Now strange guy number two is just weird, I realise I shouldn't be looking at other peoples computer screens but my eyes were drawn to it due to its nature(us men have a radar for this kind of thing)and
The booze cruise before it got messy!
We spent ages decorating it with pics and balloons besides he isn't exactly subtle or hiding it. It caught my eye because he was brazenly viewing porn right in the middle of this cafe, which in itself is bad enough but this is big weird women wrestling naked kind of porn, its strange...yet I can't sem to take my eyes off it..its like a car crash...But not content with this (I am keeping a regular watch for secuirty purposes, kinda like CrimeWatch only the pervert version-you can never be too careful you know) he then moved on to youtube and was watching images of men wrestling in mud, not naked I admit but still men rolling around getting all mucky and dirty while fighting. His current viewing is now watching a video of the rise in power of Hitler, I am almost tempted to sit here all day and see what he watches next, but so far it seems I am sharing oxygen with a Nazi loving, Hitler wannabe wrestling pervert, it takes all kinds I suppose.
OK so swooping back on to another tangent and the life and times of well, me. Work is the same as ever and have been doing lots of hours, including Saturdays
No glass? no problem!
Lost my plastic cup for alcohol, resorted to drinking Jim bean and Coke out of a Pringles box some weeks, which means partying Friday nights, up for work Saturday, out Saturday nights and sometimes Sundays. Its not so much burning the candle at both ends as pouring petrol over it and torching the thing. I recover during the week though so all is well (folks I can hear you muttering from here, shhh now). The weather has taken a turn for the worse and is terrible here these days, a quote from the paper if you don't mind "Sydneysiders woke up to their coldest July morning in 21 years today, when the thermometer dipped to 3.7 degrees". Poor old us shivering away over here in the middle of winter at a massively cold 3.7 degrees... and this was just one day, it pretty much averages out around 9 or 10 (14 today by the by), and there's you moaning back home about a bit of water in the height of your summer..excuse me while I supress a giggle not unlike the weird internet guy next to me..This cold snap (chortle) is due to last a few more weeks and then the summer is back so we shall battle on and wait till then..snigger..
In other news (I
Claire being..Claire!
You need to be in the water first dear! sound like Trevor McDonald) my mum has had her operation, survived it, been pampered with the luxury of not having to cook for my dad for about 2 days and is now fit and well. She is quite rightly taking the full 6 weeks off work and relaxing and getting fully better and will go back to work for just 2 weeks before they fly off to (I think) Portugal for a holiday so I am pleased with that and well done Mum and thanks to the well wishers who asked after her. As stated I also had my birthday which coincided with Gav leaving so as you can imagine that was a fairly messy weekend! Thanks to all the texts, emails, postings on internet sites etc I received off everyone, much appreciated and made me feel all loved and stuff. Special thanks to those who managed to send cards out and they took pride of place in our loungue for a while! Sadly the people in work found out it was my birthday and I had to take part in the massively cringe worthy birthday tea, whereby every month all those with a birthday are forced to embarass themselves.
Thus it was that during a whole floor team meeting type of thing in the coffee room myself and 3 others were forced to stand up at the front of the room, have our picture taken in front of a slice of birthday cake, have happy birthday sung to us by the group and then be pictured blowing out a candle each. To say I was mortified would be an understatement along the lines of calling Paris Hilton an attention seeker. I prayed to the lord for a quick death or perhaps at least the deceny to fill the room with a plague of locusts but alas it seemed the big man was busy and they sang it to the end. I rebelled as best I could by not blowing out my candle, I felt very rock and roll over this while one of the girls had to do it for me (blowing out the candles, tut people)and ran off to find the nearest rock to hide under. Also thanks to Yank who has now become addicted to facebook (excellent use of time David) and perhaps missing me a touch when he set up the Michael 'Skinner' Clements Society on
facebook, so if anyone is on facebook find that and sign up, we are trying to get 100 members and maybe a book deal al la Danny Wallace and perhaps make some money rather than me spend every penny I do and don't own, but cheers mate, loving your work, high 5!
So finally we have reached the end, still with me? I hope you are still liking the blogs, writing them can become a chore when I am simply regaling facts about working and then partying on weekends and must take forever to read, but I hope they will be better once I get on the move. Speaking of which another mini plan has formed, that being the flatmates are having a 2 weeks holiday up the coast in Ocotber and doing the Barrier Reef/Whitsundays etc, so it looks like I may work till the end of September then head up there with them, party one last time, they will return to Sydney and I will go on up and begin my adventures. It means working an extra month but the extra cash will do nicely and mean I can get to do all I want around OZ
and indeed the world so its just a case of hoping I don't go crazy in that time waiting so long. In the meantime we will have lots of nights out and times to come no doubt, and have also booked to go and see Snow Patrol in concert in September, an event of which I cannot describe how excited I am for because I have developed some kind of fetish for them since arriving and play their albums daily, really looking forward to the show. Also, good luck to Sarah-Jane who is about to begin her 6 week adventure around New Zealand seeing as its Summer holidays and all (oh I can't wait for the teaching/travelling life!)who will also be visiting me for a week in Sydney so good luck and see you soon. As for everyone else I hope all is well and back home isn't too back home-ish, I have oficially been away from home over 6 months so of course miss you all but at the rate this is flying by I will be home before you know it. Stay in touch through the various mediums, remember comments on here are bottom left, I love getting
Sean and Claire's room
Claire has the queen bed FYI! them hint hint!
Take care, love to all
Your mum hates you and I am your dad's boyfriend..
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TravellingMike
Michael Clements
Missing Comments
24th July 2007 16:34 - Katie: jammy as ever! Backpacker my arse! glad to hear you've got some women slaving over you. Can't believe your seeing snow patrol out there, it's only because i lent you my albums that you have this new found love for them! try and get me an autograph - i will repay you kindly ; ) Keep safe and having fun kt xx 24th July 2007 22:55 - Leight: Can't think of a good comment title! I think I love the girl in the 4th picture down on the right!!! 24th July 2007 23:25 - Sarah-Jane: About time! Hey you, Have realised it's taken me longer to read your blog than it was to write mine. Although yours is far wittier, full of excitement etc. (Cough) Got to go find a new lock, after someone tried to break into mine last night and there's a volcano i have to go and climb up this morning. See you soon....wooooo!! XXX 25th July 2007 03:16 - Kelsey!: Harry Potter is my lover! I'm quite happy Harry received a mention in your blog as his newest adventures have reminded me of my almost scary obsession with the 17-year-old wizard! I can't wait til you read it and we can have hard-core book sessions, maybe you can even read it to me sometime, that could be hot...I mean fun! Lovin' your blogs as usual and looking forward to hearing more! 26th July 2007 16:56 - Ryan: Can You Change your nationality by Depol? you are starting to sound like a local - SOME CRAIC, some laughs, some converations! Noticing a pattern of you gravitating to Irish people. On that note, you should visit the mercantile (Irish Bar) in the rocks on a sunday night, If only to see the main act 'Shaylee Wilde'. Its an experience. We done the boat trip when over last year, it was so much craic. On the way off the boat, one of the more drunk lads tried to step onto the pier and missed, falling into nice clean Sydney Bay. The Dublin girls look pretty - and advances made? Will keep an eye out for Gav and co. back in Stewartown as its only 5 miles down the road and i pass through it most days. I even feel sad that those guys are gone now - no more Gav stories. happy belated Birthday - hope you had a good one. Need to set aside piss and coffee breaks for the next blog as I have been bursting for about 10 mins now. Anywho - take care and keep partying for us. Love the random details like the guys in the internet cafe. I now have a great mental picutre of them Chat Soon - Slan Abhalie 29th July 2007 22:49 - Jason: Fowler God is a bluebird!!! :)