Rest of New Zealand and on to Sydney: Part 2

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Welcome to part two, general thoughts.

Thought 1: Kiwi's can't drive

1. A mile long overtake involves half a mile of sitting half way out of the left lane in order to properly check nothing is coming the other way, 1/4 of a mile slowly drifting up alongside the vehicle in the right hand lane, 1/4 of a mile continuing this pace until the car is just in front, before a mad swerve back into the left hand lane inches in front of your bumper, causing you to heavily brake and wonder from what school for the mentally impaired the driver of the offending UTE* has recently escaped from.
*for those unfamilar with the term UTE try to imagine the most pointless waste of pollution possible, add an unused (covered) pick up back coupled with a ridiculous paint job and you wouldn't be a million miles off.
2. "The left hand Turn rule" this obscure driving rule is talked about by kiwis in the same sort of way that some one might off hand, endearingly and threateningly talk about their man eating pet alligator. "hey bro, so has the left hand rule got ya yet ay?". To briefly explain; if two oncoming vehicles are turning into the same side road it gives the driver on your right priority to drive across your front end. To explain even more briefly its fully retarded, excuse the lack of PC language but its dangerous and pointless. The problem lies in the fact that it happens infrequently enough for you to forget its there, supermarkets are the most common, with lots of cars trying to turn into the same entrance.

Thought 2: Water in New Zealand is just plain wrong

From the overly blue Lake Tekapo, to the overly clear Lake Wakatipu, and the overly shiny Lake Wanaka, water in New Zealand doesn't work.

Thought 3: People very friendly, people very nice. People no banter

Kiwi's are great hosts, greet you like a lost friend when they don't even know you, and are extremely talkative, until you mention the possibility that New Zealand might not win the world cup. Then they refuse to participate in the conversation and resort to "Go the all blacks" and "Yeah".

Thought 4: Meat is cheap

In what other country does a pack of veal sausages cost the same as lamb and mint? And since when could you buy 2 gigantic porterhouse steaks for 5 pounds Stirling equivalent?

Thought 5: Subways

In England one description of a city is the presence of a cathedral. Some have argued that this is not the case, St Davids in Wales is clearly not, and Birmingham is. But in the case of New Zealand we have the law of subway. Any place that does not have a subway does not exist, this isnt to say it might not officially be recognised as a city, it just simply - does not exist. To put this in perspective, if Coaley was in New zealand it would have at the very least 3 subways.

"The one thing we all know about rats is that when you're in London you're never more than a certain distance from one, a distance which, depending on who you ask, varies from 20 yards to 10 feet" http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-923315-you-dirty-rat-or-are-you.do If this article was written here it would read; Subways and New Zealand respectively.

Colloquialisms

1. "Sweet as bro" translates to - ok. The problem we found with this key phrase in the Kiwi dialect is thus; Sweet as what? Sweet as ****ing what? and since when were we related?

2. "ay" translates to - nothing we have no idea. 2 months and 2 days We spent in New Zealand and sitting here looking at the screen I am unsure as to why this; word, this nothing, this waste of breath even exists in kiwi culture. I simply do not understand - and I will not miss it.

Simple pointers for any Kiwi's reading this blog

1. It does come in pints its better that way trust us we invented it.
2. It is called rugby if we were here for the "football" we'd be a year too late and in the wrong continent, again trust us we invented it.
3. Stop referring to your sporting teams as variations on all blacks; the tall blacks for example - New Zealand basketball team would suffice, the black caps - The New Zealand cricket team and so on. For those at home I wonder if you can associate a few more with out the help of google?

The All whites?
The silver ferns?
Ice blacks?
Black ferns?

I could go on.

NEW ZEALAND

This blog glancing back on it seems a little negative. This in no way represents our feeling on the country. It is an incredible place, I've travelled a bit and Andy even more so and we are both of the opinion that there cannot be many places in the world like it. The most breathtaking scenery coupled with almost no population, its just not imaginable coming from Europe and definitely not from England. We thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, and bank balance aside could not have been happier with our trip so far!

On a personal note from me I really enjoyed the welcome we received from both our sets of relatives out here. It was really great to see the estranged branch of the Thexton clan and to see how the boys are growing up, and I know Andy felt similarly about meeting his Aunt (for want of an easier title) and family.

NEXT STOP AUSTRALIA

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