Sorrow is part of every journey

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Today marks a time in my life I have feared for many years. The death of Oscar my beloved cat was inevitable of course, but at the age of 10, I wasn’t expecting this most precious life to end so prematurely after a sudden heart attack. Irrespective of what others may think or my perception of how others may judge, he was the first pet I gifted myself with at the age of 24 and with a nature of pure sweetness and innocence, he’s a soul I have loved unconditionally. With the well wishes and kindness of those in my life who have expressed words of comfort, little at the moment seems to mend the overwhelming sadness within. The joy Oscar bought into my life from the moment I had him, saw him comfort me through every broken relationship and heart break. His presence and love warmed me when dealing with the death of grandpa, as too when transient friendships where geography separated kinship I relied upon, and the general disappointments that life had offered up had me seeking his affection. The flip side of course that the joy of seeing his beautiful face nestled into me as I would carry him around on my hip like a child I never had, is a memory I will cherish. To add to this is the excitement I would feel each morning as I gave him a cuddle and welcomed each day, cemented by the knowledge that I told the poor darling I loved him every five seconds. His looks of approval and gratitude for my constant affection wasn’t ever marred by his sometimes indifference and looks of superiority to my over-bearing love...he knew he was loved and cared for in ways that everything on this planet should be, and knowing that I could provide such love and have it returned, is a blessing of the best kind. Death is no stranger to me, and at times is a burden that weighs heavy in my heart for loved ones lost. Animal or human makes no difference, it’s the finality of a love the will never know the gift of touch again that makes death so hard to make peace with. Yes the memories will linger as long as the brain can hold and retain these vital links to the past, and the intensity of grief will lessen as time moves forward, but for now I lost a best friend of 10 years and it’s sorrow that resides at the surface, making this a truly challenging time on my road trip, where separation from home meant I never had the opportunity to say goodbye.

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