Fort Worth, Dallas, Texan Men and Great BBQ!

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Howdy! Today is a sad day because Melanie and I have to leave Texas. We could easily spend another 3 weeks in this one state and never get bored. Fort Worth and the surrounding area certainly impressed us and we can't wait to come back. Yesterday (Wed May 28), Mel and I decided to take the 35 minute drive to Dallas. Now listen, I don't know what the heck is wrong with us but for some reason we seem to get lost in cities. There were several districts we wanted to visit in Dallas including The West End, Arts District, GLBT section and Uptown. We literally outskirted all of them...lol. We do always manage to find the slum area though. Yup. We both blame it on those crazy, cartoon-like maps that you NEVER can tell what direction you are going. You THINK you are going north, when you are really going southeast!? Um? And thanks MapQuest, but you seem to add to our navigational distress. We wanted to go INTO the city, instead we ended up in some South Philly type used car lot. We did see some impressive sky scrapers and drive by one of the "touristy" areas where we went for BBQ at Sonny Bryan's.

There is nothing like Texas BBQ! They have the best sauce and turkey EVERYWHERE you go. I was in heaven. Mel on the other hand was very distressed with her lunch at Sonny's. The poor girl ordered a salad with pulled chicken on top. My philosophy is this ---- anything that SOUNDS gross MUST BE gross. Say that out loud - PULLED chickened. Eww. And why does "pulled" meat smell? I knew it was bad when I glanced over at Mel and she was scrunching her face and took out a close pin to put on her nose. It got really bad when she, in a frantic frenzy, started sloshing her fork under the sliced muck to find lettuce. I knew it was over when she said - "I JUST CAN'T!" I, on the other hand, had Texas Pride with every bite of that delicious turkey sandwich...mmm...mmm! Poor Mel. What a horrifying situation to be in for a vegetarian. PULLED meat. But she tried and yes, she did manage to get most of the lettuce out! 😊

After driving aimlessly for quite a while and burning the map in the car, cussing and annoying Texan drivers Mel and I decided to head back to Fort Worth, a city that is 100% more our speed. Fort Worth is a great size in our opinion. It is a small, yet not too small, city with lots to offer - especially charm. We went back to Billy Bob's Honky Tonk to play some pool and listen to music, afterall, Billy Bob's is what this area is all about.

I love the feeling of walking into Billy Bob's. It is another world. There is no sunlight so you lose sense of time. There is room after room of neon glory, loud country music, BBQ aromas, pool tables, video games, music paraphernalia and honky tonk bliss. You feel like it is 1981. The height of the Dukes of Hazzard craze. The height of Friday the 13th fanfare. Ripped cutoff jean shorts. Trans-Am pride. Roller Skating. Alabama is at the top of the charts. Eddie Rabbit is singing 'I Love a Rainy Night.' Urban Cowboy is the hottest movie around. THAT is what it feels like. PURE TEXAN EXPERIENCE. When a Friday night meant driving to the lake or carnival with your friends, having some beers, sitting on the roof of your car, listening to southern rock and talking about how cool MTV was. Can you feel that? If you remember any of that and MISS IT - come to Billy Bob's and you will be transported back in time. You will feel like you are on the set of Urban Cowboy. There is something about that time frame 1979-1983 that just excites me. It is so rock-and-roll - so southern rock. It is before things got so computerized and technical. When the simple things were still appreciated. Def Leppard was just coming out - before they candied themselves up like Bon Jovi. Things changed by 1984. Before it was just - SIMPLE. Fireworks, barn fires, family BBQ's, U2 singing 'Sunday Bloody Sunday,' frayed jean shorts, the original Jaws, scratch-n-sniff stickers, Pac-Man-like arcade games and pinball. When people still got excited about going to the Drive-in or A&W for dinner. Staying out after midnight on your front steps. If you can picture all that ---- COME TO FORT WORTH, TX and go to BILLY BOB'S HONKY TONK and you will feel like it is that era again. I promise you. Mel finally got something she could eat, a BBQ chicken sandwich and I got a slice of apple pie. I soaked in every second of being there. How grateful am I to have, yet another place I KNOW I will go back to time and time again? A place I can't wait to show off to da mamas (Ginny included!) The band was doing there soundcheck on stage and the bars were all setting up for ladies night. At the same time some children were running around playing video games. There were grandmothers, husbands and wives, friends, locals - ahh - I just didn't ever want to leave. Billy Bob's is that type place that an employee would work there forever. Where their spirit may linger after they pass because they loved their job so much.

Mel and I played 4 (or 5) pool games. I won ONE. Yup. Hahahahahaha. Mel is a POOL SHARK! It always comes down to the last 1 or 2 balls and she always kicks my ass. By game five I was ready for an old-fashioned bar brawl so we stopped playing and tried pinball instead. By this point the band was in full practice and they were INCREDIBLE! They played Dierks Bently, Josh Turner and some other new stuff and sounded JUST LIKE THE CD!!!!!!! Wednesday's is ladies night so Mel and I decided to head out before all the cavemen-like, Texan Men headed in.

Ah, the Texan Men. If you are a 100% straight woman who loves her men beefy and burly, skinny and greasy or old and starched ---- then you will LOVE Texas. If you are two lesbos who want to be left alone -- you may feel a tad bit uncomfortable. No one was REALLY RUDE to me, if anything the guys treated me like one of the guys, but they did make Mel feel uncomfortable (which made me turn into a rabied Chihuahua). She got heckled and "Yes maam'd" every where she went. Melanie is like a female cat in heat, well not really, but she seems to attract the men like she is. She is like that really feminine dog in Lady and the Tramp and the guys are the tramps. The thing is MEL ISN'T TRYING. She gets SO annoyed and disgusted. These guys would be surprised to know she has biceps like a wrestler and would kick their balls if they ever started anything (as would I). Next time we come to Texas I am dressing Mel like a bull-dyke. Flannel shirts and jeans. End of story. That is what most of the married women around here look like anyway. Very weathered.

Later that night I was in the mood for, what else? More turkey BBQ! We tried a local's favorite -- Railroad BBQ in the Cultural District. Of course when we got there BOTH Mel and I got heckled by some burley Men. You know they are on the prowl if they heckle BOTH of us. I ate my (delicious) turkey sandwich and baked potato quickly (Mel shared my potato) enjoyed the neon bliss (everywhere in Texas) and scurried out the back door. We then drove around a bit and discovered a SUPER TARGET, like SUPER WALMART only....well, you know the difference. People think they are better if they shop at Target. Personally I appreciate both but like Walmart for its value. Walmart has a McDonalds or Dunkin Donuts and Target had a Starbucks. See where I am going with this??? Anywho, Mel needed a pencil and I needed gum. We are wild girls. These purchases say a lot about us. Mel needed a pencil to sketch and I needed gum to help with my sinus drip. Giddy up!

Today we are starting our trip back home. We are going from Fort Worth to Wichita, Kansas (passing through Oklahoma). We plan on stopping for lunch at Toby Keith's original 'I Love this Bar & Grill' restaurant in Oklahoma City. Wichita is only 5 1/2 hours from Fort Worth so we should have plenty of time.

I can't wait to come back to Texas!!!

::NOTE:: I forgot to mention that at some point on this trip I was transported back to 1994. You may all be wondering what is the deal with the necklace I am wearing. It is all Dave Matthews-R.E.M-Lillith Fair-Nirvana-Incense burning-Acoustic Guitar-Tribal-like.....I know, I know. By God's sweet mercy, or sick sense of humor, I somehow managed to get a "slight distraction" on my NECK! Of course I had to find a necklace to cover this up. The only thing I could find was this awful, tribal-like necklace that means "life" (or so Mel says). It could mean "Dude, Dave Matthews" for all I know. But I have no choice. I must wear this neckbrace until the "distraction" vanishes. I am sure 99.9% of you could care less, but for the 1% that was thrown off by the necklace, I feel your pain and this is for you! 😊

Until next time...

Happy Travels!

-Des

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