Texas. Go big or go home.

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We made it into San Antonio super late, and just crashed the hell out after another night of eating chips and cold soup out of the can. Also, the motel was so freaking scary. Birds everywhere, a security guard, and signs that warned patrons not to leave their rooms after 10pm. Good news was that there was a Taco Cabana across the street and it shared a parking lot with Whataburger. Rob discovered the A-1 Burger that changed his life, and he claims it’s the best burger he’s had on the road. That’s saying a lot as Rob’s hamburger consumption was way above the national average on this trip.

We didn't do much in San Antonio except veg. One night, Abigail and I braved the 10pm curfew and the millions of birds to go get tacos. Worth it, only because they had a salsa bar of thousands of toppings, which we shamelessly stole for later use. The weird thing, though, was that there was a sign on the Taco Cabana door that read, “Please remove Halloween masks before entering restaurant.” That was quite comforting, knowing we were in a part of town where masked delinquents frequented the Taco Cabana. After that, we pretty much didn’t leave the motel room except to get cereal and strawberry limeades to later spike with vodka. Oh, and I one day left the room to jog laps around the motel. Super boring, but desperate times call for desperate workouts, I always say.

When we finally had to pack up and leave scary motel, we headed to the Alamo. I guess it was cool. It would probably be cooler if I was from Texas. However, all around the Alamo itself were beautiful gardens with fish ponds and sprawling trees. Downtown San Antonio is super cute, and there are lots of little shops and touristy looking museums and junk. It was gorgeous outside, which was good, because none of us could remember where we parked so we circled city blocks for about 45 minutes in search of the SB.

When we finally reached the car, we began the drive up to Austin. It was only about an hour’s drive, though everyone in Texas seems to really obey speed limit laws. It really wasn’t conducive to our normal Atlanta NASCAR highways we are used to. After stopping for some Cheetos and wine, we settled in at Ms. Jen Gleason’s house for a couple days. Jen has a sweet apartment with a vast array of VHS tapes, including Titanic (on 2 tapes).

Upon arrival, the gang just sat by the pool for a while drinking wine and eating vodka gummy bears. Sound delicious? They are. I decided to get a jog in, which was the best decision ever, because everywhere in Austin seems to smell like either tacos or bar-b-que. Quite motivating. When I returned, we decided it was time to continue drinking but also get ready for some delicious BBQ for dinner. We thought since we were in Texas, some meat was definitely in order.

Jen drove us to a BYOB joint that allegedly has the best meat in Austin. Pretty much, it was awesome. We sat at picnic tables inside and ate sausage, brisket, pulled pork, and ribs. WIN. I believe that Rob was in heaven, as he ordered an unlimited supply of meat. Perfect for a growing boy. By the end of the meal, we were all pretty much silly and full of BBQ in our bellies. We got our to-go boxes and attempted to wobble to the car, when all of a sudden: BOOM! The top box of to go food fell from my grasp and splattered everywhere on the sidewalk. Why it was up to me to carry all 3 meat boxes, I’ll never know. Rather than wasting delicious brisket, I simply gathered up the meat in my hands and placed it gingerly back in the plastic to-go container. By the time we got home and put everything in the fridge, no one could remember which box had fallen, so sometime the next day, we ended up eating sidewalk meat. Still so good. Plus, it’s good for my immune system to eat pebbles some of the time.

That night when we returned to Jen’s was pretty much a shit show, but let’s stick with the Vegas mentality. What happens in Austin stays in Austin. The next day, we decided to venture into downtown a bit. We first drove over the bat bridge and shopped for a bit at Lance Armstrong’s bike shop, Mellow Johnny’s. Let’s be real, I was only there for souvenirs, but I think if I was into bike riding it would have been a pretty good spot. Mr. Lance wasn’t working that day, but I did get some stickers.

Next, we were clearly hungry, so Rob and I found a cool hot dog spot. It was just a little local joint with weird hot dog concoctions and lots of sodas. We ate more hot dogs on this trip than I even thought was humanly possible. With a belly full of hot dog and potatoes (waffle fries- almost as good as Chick-Fil-A without the anti-gay stigma), we tried to find a cool book store to browse. I Googled one, and after walking for what felt like hours, we found it and it was closed. Plus, it seemed sketchy in general.

On the good news front, however, it was time to meet up with Mr. Lefty, another awesome camp friend. What’s weird is that no one in Austin knows him as Lefty, as it’s a silly camp nickname, and they kept referring to him as “Dave.” It was confusing for us. But he showed us some awesome Austin spots, like a cool coffee shop, a weird random antique store, and then we got to meet his cat, Milly. Lefty might be the only other person I know who talks about his cat the way I talk about Butter Michelle. Anyhoo, after playing with Milly for a bit and sampling some gluten free goodies on the street, Rob and I headed back to Jen’s for dinner.

Jen was so excited to have company, so she cooked us a delicious homemade meal of chicken, bacon, spaghetti squash, and tons of salad. I freaking love salad. I’ve discovered my love for salad on this trip as there has been a distinct lack of salad in general. I digress. That night, Lefty rejoined the gang on his bike, where we all met up to see a local artist sing some songs with his guitar at a bar. The gig was pretty dece, and a great scene for people watching. Plus, we were like the youngest ones in there, which is always a win.

After the singing bar time, we drove to another locale for another round, before heading to Jen’s for the night. We ate some leftover meat, along with these amazeballs tortilla chips and guacamole. These chips were called Julio’s and were legit better than Dorito’s of any variety. I didn’t think it was possible, but it actually is. We killed that bag like it was nobody’s business-biznass. I don’t believe these chippies are sold at the local Publix, which is pretty much sad. It’s also sad that I haven’t seen Publix in a hot minute. Oh, those subs. Again, I digress.

OK so the next day, after another night of air mattresses in the living room, Jen went to work, and the gang packed up the car. Actually, I first made a delicious salad with leftover brisket, homemade balsamic, and a fried egg to top it off. Nothing like fried egg yolk to make a salad tastier than even imaginable. Thanks a heap, Flying Biscuit, for that lesson.

Our goal of the day was to make it to Dallas. But first, we had to stop in Waco, Texas. Though that was the sight of a mass suicide Kool-Aid situation a few years back, we actually stopped there to tour the Dr. Pepper Museum. Meow I know my dedication lies in Atlanta, but legit this place put the Coke museum to shame. It was super old school with vintage cars, a scavenger hunt, and interactive games. At the end, Rob indulged in a Dr. Pepper float (also known as a Frosty Pepper). We hit up the gift shop for some goodies, and headed on our way up to Dallas.

What can I say about Dallas? We didn’t do too many things there except for visit the site where JFK was shot. Pretty surreal. We saw the grassy knoll and Rob took us through the chain of events that happened on that fateful day back in 1963. Actually, the anniversary is on Thanksgiving this year. Let’s all be thankful we didn’t get shot in Dallas.

After some walking around downtown, we hit up a local steak joint for lunch. Rob had been craving steak so we found a highly rated restaurant that also had fried green tomatoes. God bless. They were outstanding. Plus, next door was a country western outfitter, so we meandered around for a while whilst Mr. Rob tried on coats and browsed other super gaudy enormous Texas items. The most fun was when Abigail found a pop gun to play with. Those things are the shit. Probably a good thing I never had one as a kid.

When we finished up at the shop, we decided to get back to the hotel. It was Halloween, and we didn’t want to out after dark. We had some laundry and packing to do at the hotel as I was leaving the following day for Boston while the gang drove on to New Orleans. That night, we just munched on candy in the room, watched scary movies, and prepared ourselves for the near end of our journey.

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Photos

Teddy and the Gang
Just watching Halloween movies.