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Published: December 22nd 2006
It's crunch time around here, and yet, I cannot seem to motivate myself to move foward. My momentum has been paralyzed. I have not spent a night away from this apartment in over two weeks, I am trying with all my might to imbed his scent into my nose; so that I do not forget it. His sweet smile, his tender kisses....it is time to make a decision...and the ball is in his court. I know that in a week and four days I am going to be alone again...while we might decide to stick it out through these few months and "see" what happens....I am nonetheless going to be alone. The heartache has attacked my appetite these days. I try to push down meals he cooks for me, but my gut screams out in retribution...the anxiety eating away at it's lining.
Barcelona awaits me, whether I like it or not, the tickets have been purchased...soon bags will be packed and I will set out. He will not be here when I get back in may...and I try to remember to breathe in each moment...to soak it all in...because the future will only tell me what will be when I get there. I am scared...I am so deathly afraid and this time he isn't going to be there to hold me. It's time to be a big girl...time to suck it up and accept the reality of the situation....whatever that maybe.
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irisheyes999
Lauren Feldman
I randomly stumbled across this entry and I know exactly how you feel/felt. In two weeks I'm leaving one of the best people in my life for five months and am scared to death things won't be what they were when I get back. I'm sure everything will work out well for you, and if not, I'm sure your journeys will have been worth it. Good luck.