Turtles, it appears, are my calling. In the first 47.5 years of my life, I can honestly say I have touched nary a turtle. Not that I haven't been given chances, you understand. Like any kid, I was presented with plenty of opportunities to touch other kids' pet turtles growing up, but for some reason it never quite happened. Maybe I was afraid of them. Maybe I was afraid that I'd Gronk them into the astroturf spreading little turtle-bits all over. Who knows? The point is that AGAIN today I am able to say that I, Geoff Small, am a Turtle Saver. This little guy had a cracked shell up by his head and he wasn't coming out for love or money. I was a good mile past him when the Catholic guilt I appear to
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