Wanna be startin something...

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I hope that no one has subscribed to this blog. I can poke around and find out, as that is one of the features of "owning" this blog, but I am willing to bet that no one has. I hope that no one has because after my traveling bout my blogging has come to a stand still despite an entry that says otherwise. The entry right before this one actually, talking about how I am going to keep blogging in the spirit of what this specific blog was created for in the first place. Obviously, I didn't keep that wishful thinking in action....until now...3 months later.

I suppose I haven't felt like there is anything important or exciting enough in my life right now to blog about. My life is seeming uneventful right now, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not having a good time. It just means there haven't been any trips to tropical beaches or run ins with foreign police officers, and for that matter there haven't been any run ins with local police officers either.

I have kept writing though. Here and there. Journaling. I've always been a journaler. (Isn't it funny when you take a noun and make it into a verb? Quick side story: I am working as a waitress right now and my boss is constantly telling me to "cocktail" people. I understand what he is telling me to do, I think, but I have often giggled to myself about this "cocktailing" I am supposed to be doing to people. In a literal sense should I be making them into a cocktail? Should I be throwing cocktails in their faces and calling them dirty bastards? I am assuming no, that he just wants me to ask them if they'd like something to drink, but I often fantasize about doing the other possible meanings...)

I have been running! In fact just 2 weeks ago I ran a 15k called the Boilermaker in Utica, NY. It was a good run, 12,000 people, and free beer at the end, which is a good or a bad thing depending. For me it was both. More good than bad though. More like good but guilty feeling, because I could just feel my belly getting bigger with every beer. That and the whole dehydration thing. Good because, well, because I had a nice buzz after the first one and everyone just seemed so friendly!

I took a writing class too! This is what brings me back to my blog. The class I took was called "Meditations on Life." I enjoyed having a reason to write, thoughtfully, to muse about something every week, and to share it. I really enjoyed it. My only problem, along with the rest of us, is that after the class, even though I told myself I'd continue, I stopped writing. I kept journaling, but I stopped writing longer, thought out muses about topics. My journaling is sharper and quicker, coded with my secret language and thoughts, like notes only I could understand. Not always, but mostly, I feel that my journal is private and if anyone picked it up to read, they might have a hard time following it. Good, that's the way it should be.

But back to my writing class. My teacher was kind enough to give each student some feed back about their writing once class had finished for good. She told me that I should keep writing. Everyday. "Write everyday, about anything, stories, poems, thoughts, whatever, just keep writing." Even though the little voice in my head has told me to do that, I took it more seriously coming from my teacher, which isn't to say that I don't ever listen to myself, because I do, but for some reason, maybe it has to do with feeling validated by the outside world, sharing my writing with someone other than me, with a whole class full of people, and then having my teacher say "keep writing" stuck. I can hear her in my head when I have down time, telling me to write something. I know that she is right, that if I want to get better, or even just be heard someday, I should just quit tip toeing around what I like to do, and actually do it.

How coincidental this all is, because my yoga teacher (yes, I do yoga, and have been practicing on and off for some years now) said something to me the other day. I was talking to her after class, about my relationship with yoga for the past 4 or 5 years, how I found it in college and struggled with it at first. How I approached it from a "workout" perspective, and how it became so much more to me. How I have practiced on and off for years now, and how I love when I am in a steady practice, how settled my mind is and how connected my body feels to my steady mind. How I could see myself getting more serious about my yoga practice, but that in a way I am kind of scared. Scared because dedicating my time to one thing freaks me out. My friend Maria has diagnosed it as, "Life ADD." (She suffers from it too.) My teacher said, "Don't nibble."

Two pieces of advice from two people I admire. Nothing I didn't already know, but reiterated at a point in my life when I needed to hear it.

So I intend, really, to use this blog more. For, like I stated way back in the beginning, whatever I want. Traveling too, because there will be more of that soon. I went to Florida about a month ago, that counts.

Even though I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say, that doesn't so much matter. I've heard that sometimes the words just come, pour out from your pen or fingertips, and say whatever it is that you didn't think you had to say, for you.

Let this be another place to explore.

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