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Published: September 2nd 2008
Change...we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here’s the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is... everything.
As I sit to write this entry, I am reminded once again; all good things must come to an end.
I apologize that it took so long to post. I started it shortly after I got back, but summer caught hold of me and wouldn’t let me go.
Leaving the team was very hard. It was inevitable and we all knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it easy. You trust, and live with these 12 other people and so quickly you forget what its like to be on your own. We lived in our own little world and became so dependent on each other and everything that we had to offer. When it’s over you stand alone in a world that you are no longer familiar with. But if you take a little part of each person with you, and keep them and everything they have taught you in your heart and mind life becomes much easier.
Laying in bed, my bed, my first night home was rough. Americorps was over! It didn’t really hit me until I was in my bed that first night. 10 months flew by like that, and I was once again staring up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling laying in the same bed that I was in last year. It’s the bed that I laid in before the program started, before everything happened, just thinking about how quickly the time flew by and in shock that it was over. (Ironically, my bed was one of the things I missed the most this year). I felt horrible. I felt like I just got dumped. I was sad that I wasn’t with my team. I didn’t know what to do...
I had to switch my thoughts from sad because the program was over to happy because it happened. As the days went on it became easier and easier for me to be myself; me as an individual, not me as part of a team. It took a week or two until I finally adjusted and got comfortable with my life back in Buffalo: seeing friends, hanging out with the family, catching up on sleep and relaxing. (Of course it is fun to be home when you don’t have to work and everybody is happy to see you.)
And right when I get fully adjusted and comfortable with life, it’s time to leave again.
So now it’s back to Sacramento for AmeriCorps part 2. I had a couple weeks off at home to refuel and recharge and now I am off again in the morning. Back to California and back to work. As I lay in my bed tonight, I will think about all the fun I had this summer and wonder what my life will be like next time I'm looking up at my glow in the dark stars.
Goodbye Buffalo and Goodbye summer. I’ll see you next year.
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