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Well, here I am. Sitting in my dad's home office in the house that I grew up in New Mexico. Photographs of my dad's racing days, my brothers first motorcycle trophy, a photo of me beside my first horse and a model helicopter are still sit on the shelves. My dog is asleep on my feet. And while yes, this has always been home to me, I have a new home now too. They say that home is where the heart is, and if that is true then I have homes all over the world. But nowhere more so than the United States and Fiji. I have been back stateside for just about a week now. It is wonderful and absolutely horrible all at the same time. I missed my family, my Jeep and motorcycles, my dog and my friends, and being back with all of them here it feels almost as if I never left. I spent today running errands, bumping into my high school boyfriend, and taking a nap on my grandparents couch. The only difference with all of those things now, is that while most of me is present and here, there is also a piece of my mind and soul that stayed behind on a little island in the South Pacific Ocean. I find myself wondering what my friends are doing with their days, where the tide is, hows the fishing that day? And sometime soon, I will be forced to set my watches back to local time. I don't think I realized it until just before I left, but I had the most beautiful group of wild people in Fiji that I called (and still call) my friends and in a way, they became my fijian family. Au lomani iko! I got close to people there in a way that I never intended to, and it is something that I will never regret. A friend in Fiji asked me a couple of days ago if Fiji had changed me. Normally I have a quick answer to things but this one I had to stop and think about. Is it even possible to move to the other side of the world and come away without any personal changes; do people really have the ability to change? I told him that he would probably have to ask someone who knew me pre-Fiji to get a real answer to that question, but I think it did change me. Being in Fiji reminded me of how I grew up. Barefoot on a beach, trying to climb a coconut tree (which to this day I still cannot do, but I refuse to quit. Before I die I will learn how), and talking to anyone willing to stop and say hello or bula. I used to watch sunsets. The problem with America is everyone is trying to get ahead, trying to make a living and that means going going going. I am not saying its a bad thing, but I do think it is important to stop and notice as the sun drops below the horizon, and realize how good we all truly have it. I forgot how great it was to just sit and watch the sun go down with an ice cold beer in your hand, and hopefully someone you care about by your side. Fiji, and more importantly my friends, taught me to do that again and even back home in the US it is something I plan to continue doing. The work will all still be there in an hour, the sunset won't. I also realized how much I really love fishing. But not from a piece of land, but from a boat out in the middle of the water. Because if you are on a boat and not catching anything well...then at least you are on a boat. If you are on shore and not catching anything then you are just the person standing there not catching fish. I realized that part of me is still a beach kid, and always will be. One of my best memories of Fiji will always be my twenty-second birthday. My friends Leah, Zane and Tui and I got up at 5am and spent the entire day, sunrise to sunset, fishing. We caught heaps of Pakapaka, a couple yellowfin tuna, and a big ole wahoo. Boi, was that a fun day. We also saw pilot whales and dolphins, and I remember while Zane steered the boat back toward land, I couldn't help but think what a perfect day it had been and how I was sure that life couldn't possibly get much better than that. A sunny day, a smooth as glass ocean, big beautiful fish, and friends that I felt as if I had known my whole life instead of just a few short months. That is perfect happiness, and one day I will get back there. But until that day comes, I will keep dreaming of my Fiji and hope that she and her people don't forget me entirely.
I need to take a moment to thank the people who took me in and made me one of them and made Fiji what is was and always will be to me. They are the reason why leaving Fiji broke my heart so much, because when you are up that high it is a hard fall and an even sadder goodbye. They all have a place in my heart, memories and home, and I sincerely hope that will take me up on it. I know of at least 4 that will. To the Pac Harbour gang, you know who you are, if you are reading this, thank you. I have been around this world and never met anyone else with such a passion for life and a love for each other. Thank you for taking me fishing, teaching me how to taki, and for letting me sleep on your spare beds and couches and for all the other things that I wouldn't dare mention in a public blog! Come see me in Texas and keep a couch open for me, because I will be back! Jeepers y'all. Vinaka vaka levu.
Ella, Afnan, Alfred and Poonam, thank you for letting me sit in your offices and talk your ears off. Thank you for having my back and looking out for me, Afnan! Ella, you were my Fiji Momma and I will always be grateful for the soup you brought me when I was so sick, I wouldn't have eaten at all those few days if it hadn't been for you. Finally, to Livvie, my co-author. You are one in a million. You saved my butt with your notes when my irresponsible streak came out and went fishing instead of worrying about school or work. Start sending me your ideas for our book, I am sending an email with heaps of ideas your way soon! Thank you for our pizza and wine nights, they were a life saver on Fiji days! I expect big and beautiful things from you. And to all the other people who's paths crossed mine, you are not forgotten!
Vinaka for a fabulous six months, Fiji. I will see you again soon, no doubt. Moce for now. xx
-M
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Marisha
non-member comment
Now I understand everything a little more, what you hold for Fiji is what I hold for Brasil. It\'s something that can never be replaced, and our hearts will always remain there. :)