Flip a coin and walk away

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Mercy – Muse

"Shut up and love" -LaVonne

My brother told me once that it doesn’t matter if you slow down, as long as you do not stop.
That guy I met in Canyon Village told me not to beat myself up over the passes I could not bike; it’s your adventure, you call the shots.
I am having a rough pass lately, I do not feel like I am doing enough. Montana is beautiful and the sun is shinning up and proud practically everyday; but I seem to have no control over my laziness. It’s gonna come back, I am working on it.
But I did go on a really cool hike this weekend, at Corbly Gulch. Following a creek up to Skyline Ridge in the Bridgers and down the same way, it was a really fun and challenging 10miles. I needed that to bring my muscles back to life. One day at a time.
I miss touring, I am constantly thinking of my next trip and the things I see; so not fully taking the opportunities the farm gives me.



On another note a bit less whiney; I am reading a really interesting book. My friend in Prineville, Oregon gave me this C.S.Lewis best of that includes some of his most influential christianity studies, and I love it. Not only does C.S. write in the most structured way, but he also starts from an atheist point of view to get to the christian part. I do not fully agree with all he says, but I feel like I understand really clearly what he is trying to transmit.
The book I’m up to right now is about miracles. Supernatural, out of the ordinary unexpected events that happen in a known environment.
It is clear to me that nature follows a set of rules that are untouched by human will; if you drop an object, gravity will come in play even if you catch before it touches the ground. We can change the environmental factors, add other interactions that implies other rules or mess with the results; nature’s law do not move from it’s ways.
But it is not because it USUALLY works that way, that it is SUPPOSED to happen like it as always done that another outcome becomes impossible.
I think it makes sense; not just because there is a frame the whole portrait might not go over. Or won’t any alterations come from the outside? But then, what is the composition of the portrait and what is out of it? But that is not where I want to go right now.
I often talk about how amazed I am by the human machine and all its complexities. It is my favourite thing to study. It is so unpredictable in it’s emotional response, but works like a clock in its biological mechanic.
With all of its complicated procedures and mechanism, we now know enough about it to regulate every part of it to give the result we want. But we cannot explain some malfunctions or sickness that will just happen if you are the unlucky malfunctioning one. Wouldn’t the opposite then be possible too? I mean, yeah, running like Usain Bolt or surviving like Stephen Hawkins, it does not obey the usual laws; they are unique, beating the odds.
Miracles? Or freaks; your machine as just found a way to find its own reasoning after an unusual problem.
I had the most interesting conversation about such events with the christian family of a cerebral palsy .. Victim if you want? But the main point being that these people have seen things that most of us have never had to deal with. On a daily basis they live with this exception to the laws, this really smiling presence that had more close to death encounters than anyone I know. They told me about some of those, those medical calls, those impossible recoveries or last hope solutions. His machine is beautiful in its own way and has a will to survive and fight the odds stronger than many things I have seen.
Mutations, exceptions, missing pieces or extra benefits; nature makes things work on her own schedule. The different colours of the human mind give each mind it’s own toolbox to build anything with; it is then our personalities and our will that make a difference.
I do believe in ‘miracles’. I do think there is a little part to this world that I can see as magic, random.
I love learning about point of views, religions and opinions. When the conversation is balanced and open, you can truly see new aspects of the world that you needed that particular other person to point out for you. Because the chemistry in their brain made them perceive the same scene from a different perspective.

So I said I was having a rough time, but I now take it back. This whole new reflexion is just turning in my head and building itself from all the new pieces people bring me.

Stop being too hard on yourself, Love!
That’s my motto for the rest of the week 😊.

Les deux printemps – Daniel Bélanger

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Photos

Reese creek, by the Dry creek road
It is not hard to be proud of yourself. It does not take a lot to overcome your habits or cravings. It's all in your head. I am trying to find a way to remind myself of that moment of pride and happiness that always come after you made it to the top of the hardest passes. That instant you think: I knew I had it in me all along, and now I can truthfully say I am greater than I have ever been.
Because everytime I am not in the right mind set and try to keep on going despite the pain, the brave part of me becomes shy and evasive.

Corbly Gulch, the second mile
It feels great to know I can now speak to strangers without making a fool of myself. If there is one thing that as changed in me since the beginning of this adventure it is my ability to communicate.
I still feel like I repeat myself a lot and cling to particular feelings, but it is because I am proud of those moments, or because I am still trying to grasp the whole event and put words on the feelings they awoken in me.

The Bridgers, Belgrade/Bozeman area
Montana as such a weird weather. It's always one extreme or the other. When I went on my hike it had to be 90f/32c and really sunny, I even thought to myself that it was almost too hot to make any kind of big physical effort. I really wanted to make my muscles work and decided to go anyway. The sun was cooking my skin during the biking part and I drank half of my water before the second hiking mile.
For the last mile, it snowed.
It didn't rain, it was windy and snowing on me. It was wonderful :)