Caring for our Elderly: A Nation headed towards Crisis

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Seven months after reintroducing this blog I am reeling from the loss of my father, its effects on my mother, and find myself questioning every move I make. I am so blessed to have truly great people around me. Day by day, I am trying to be more comfortable with the feelings of loss and guilt instead of running away from them. Here are my lessons from the last few months.

Palliative Care

Palliative care is often confused with hospice. Read here (https://www.sehealth.org/services/palliative-care/) to understand better. What I do know is that being on palliative care definitely makes it easier to transition to hospice care from an administration perspective. Mom for instance still hopefully has several years ahead of her, but she qualifies due to her stage of Alzheimer's. With palliative care, they only come out about once a month, but I find it quite comforting.

Hospice

2.5 years ago I thought hospice was for those last few excruciating days or weeks. Dad was in hospice for nearly a year, and it was one of the best decisions I made with his care. Having someone lay medical eyes on him 1-2 times a week gave me peace of mind and helped monitor him more closely. We went with Southeast Health (https://www.sehealth.org/locations/southeast-hospice/?utm_source=GMB&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=GMB), and they were all incredible. It is important to remember that it is comfort care, so they will not come rushing out like EMTs' when you think something is urgent. If your loved one (LO) takes a fall and just needs help up, you call the fire department not hospice. If you really think they need to go the emergency room or be admitted to a hospital, it's essential that you call hospice, so they can release your LO from care in order to reinstate Medicare part A (hospital). Another benefit of hospice care is your LO qualifies for a week of respite care which is something we really needed at the end of dad's life. Caregiving is some of the most physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting work I have ever done, so it was just as important for me and our other caregiver to have a little break. Hospice care continues after your LO's death as well. The grievance counseling I have received has really helped me process everything more easily.

Elder Fraud

First things first: people suck! I mean really, really suck. I previously wrote that my parents had been screwed out of $5000. This was mostly due to dad ordering things over the phone, then they would check the recurring payment option, and all of a sudden dad had hundreds of low quality knives, dodgy face creams, and cases of wine with varieties they did not even drink. Then there are the super pacs that front as organizations supporting firefighters, police officers and veterans but mostly pump money into lobbying for whatever their political interests are. Recently that $5000 jumped to over $25,000 with a Medicare supplemental plan scam! This one appears to be rare, so I will keep it short. You can ONLY have ONE supplemental policy by law. These plans help cover extra costs including whatever Medicare parts A and B do not cover and things like prescription drug plans. My parents were duped into buying a second supplemental plan at $450 a month. This went on for over 5 years, so you do the math! There are organizations to help navigate the dizzying array of plans and cases of fraud like I am dealing with. Aging Matters have been wonderful to work with, and I can highly recommend them (https://www.agingmatters2u.com).

Social Network Failures

I think it's no secret that our social fabric as a nation has been torn. This is all too apparent when caring for the elderly. People will make a thousand reasons why they can't make it over for a visit. All the community organizations that my parents served for YEARS of their life were of little use as their health faltered. My parents are the tip of the baby boomer iceberg that may very well break our healthcare system. I don't think that it is because people don't care, but people hate to be inconvenienced. I can tell you for sure that caring for the sick and dying is incredibly inconvenient, however, I can also tell you that I would not have had it any other way, and I am grateful to have had the best co-caregiver you could find. Message me privately ([e-mail]) if you are looking for a caregiver who will go over and beyond what you can normally find. Everyone else: go visit your parents, grandparents, that sick friend who may not have a lot of family. We need each other as a society more than ever.

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Photos

dad's shirt quilted
Message me privately if you would like to be connected with the talented lady who did this!