Atchafalaya Basin and a bad roof

---

250 miles east of Houston, I 10 travels over the northernmost area of the Atchafalaya Basin. For 18 miles, I 10 takes the form of two parallel 2 lane bridges, some 50 feet above the water level. The road signs have cool names like Breaux Bridge and Grosse Tete. The literature states that the area is teeming with life. I say that it is also teeming with death. Herbivores eat plants, carnivores eat animals, herbivores eat everything. A nutria is an herbivore and an alligator is a carnivore. If a nutria accidentally eats an insect, doesn’t it make it an omnivore? If an alligator accidentally swallows some duckweed while feeding on a nutria, doesn’t it make it an omnivore? Does it make a difference if it is consumed on purpose? I have heard that a Cajun will eat anything. I don’t think omnivore is sufficient to describe a Cajun.

There is a Bass Pro shop near Denham Springs. It has only been there a few years but has a terribly corroded galvanized roof. A quick stop at the next WiFi spot allowed me to obtain a phone number for the store. I dialed the number as we traveled east on the interstate. Conversation as follows:
Me: “May I please speak to the store manager?”
Operator: “Hold please.”
After a short wait:
Manager: “Good morning, how may I help you?”
Me: “ Sir, while traveling by your store I noticed that your roof is in bad shape and it isn’t very old. The store wasn’t there last time I drove by.”
Manager: “Who am I speaking with?”
Me: “Road, Holiday Road.”
Manager: “Mr. Road, I have read your so called travelblogs and I, for one, am not amused. If I engage in conversation with you and tell you that the roof is rustic you will no doubt respond with some idiotic comment like ‘I know it’s rusted’. I will then say that is for atmosphere and you will reply ‘Yes, it is the atmosphere that caused it to rust.’
Me: “But sir..”
Manager: “Hear me out Mr. Road. The roof is intended to look the way it does. Your travelblogs are not funny, not creative, and not entertaining. Your command of the English language is laughable. I doubt if you are even getting the internal quotations correct. Anyone reading this knows that I am correct and you , Sir, have too much time on your hands.”
After a short pause I realize that the Manager has concluded speaking his mind.
Me: “ With all due respect ….”
The call is dropped. The phone beeps. The screen reads “Leaving Sprint service area. No service available.”

---

Comments

[denise]

Qualifications
Holday Road, do not despair. If the manager of the Bass Pro Shop had any kind of literary insight he would not be the manager of the Bass Pro Shop, right?