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Published: July 17th 2011
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The heat break is welcome, a perfect day for a quiet beach. I take my time driving, looking along the sides of North and South Shore Drive. The picture is quaint, distinct...midwest. Abandoned cars and tires, overturned trailers hugged by wildflowers, sideways shacks and boat themed bungalows. I find pieces of my heart in strange places. I passed several A-frame homes. It took some time to realize what I was seeing....I was certain I'd seen these structures before....in dreams...or was it during a childhood drive?
I've chosen to remain present in the place I've been formed by. This area of Southern IN, Lake Lemon, could have been an impression seen from the car window on a family drive. My photographic memory, often stores impression like these....of landscape shapes....and later, 20 years later in some cases, I connect with a visual reprsentation still stored in my body and I feel this...is it a childhood impression, is it a dream, or something else? It was natural for me as a kid to be photographic, I could orienteer from one place to another if I had been there once....just by the shape of the land structure. I knew how to get somewhere once
we are on the way because I could remember the landmarks, the way things laid out in space ... and yet I couldn't have written directions before beginning to go ..I hardly knew right from left or understood words on signs. I think lots kids are like this, and the kid in the adult is a lot like this too, and so is wisdom.
I am still called to move in this way..maybe this is how my curious child self still thrives in "adult land" (a condition with some real rides...alright! I am finally tall enough to ride). Its' become really important for me to continue to cultivate the wondrous aspects of "child-mind" with out indulging in "child habits".....in ways like being gratious to the part of my being which is a visual and intuitive traveler...and treating myself kindly during difficulty...not by playing dependent or re-living family drama scenes. So, I have arrived here.... I have finally become the parent of myself, and parenting the self...like parenting any life is a practice. And, here I am nourishing this....exploring inner places of dreams or strong notion, and traveling in real time, often on hunches to collect impressions that I have
a sense are real for me...in some way.
I think that is what it was about those A-frames houses today. They were real for me, somewhere in my psyche, the outer manifestation matched an internal impression and something happened. I feel gifted to have found a soul fragment/heart piece/relevant mythic image/sychronous universal signal, today. I remember this was once the case with that big white church coming into Bloomington South on 37....and that huge cut out between the two rocks just beyond the Monroe Dam. Once, I asked my mom about those landmarks and she told me we had driven past those places several times in my youth - they had been planted as mythic images in my growing soul and I re-cognized them later - - then understood.
I remember, something curious and deeper happened when I re-cognized the Red Boulders in Colorado. When I received the impression, a striking thought happened which said, that it was not me who had been there before, as a child, but someone I knew had been there before, many years ago. I held this idea for a while, and it simmered. I had my dad take a picture of me
on the rocks, I was thirteen. Many years later in my 20s, after digging through loads of dusty photos I finally found the picture of my ancestor of two prior generations ago standing at almost the exact location I had a picutre taken of me....so was I called there, to place, or to them, the ancestors?
How delightful that ancestors have a way of speaking through visual reprsentations, and that I am here, we are here receiving them as "hunches," if we listen. Anyways, its' my latest "hunch" on the meaning of de ja vu "being here before," or dream experiences - the ones that make me feel like I was really somewhere, or somewhere before...and that it was so real that I knew I was there, or something inside of me was there...even before I was born. What remarkable patience our ancestors have with us..... and a sense of humor too. I don't think they try to speak in riddles, but they sort of have to to get through to us right....I mean, it must be difficult to be a "bodyless" 4th dimensional entity trying to communicate with a 3 dimensional person - it is like trying to illustrate mathematics to a cricket. (Okay Mr. cricket...please turn to page 459 of your finite applications text and we'll begin with problem 35.)...oh crickets, this is going to be a really long day....
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