We Wish You A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

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December 25th 2018
Published: December 25th 2018
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Dear Family & Friends: We are wishing you a very Merry Christmas! May it bring you joy, happiness and everything else you deserve. Lulu got what she deserved: a lump of coal. Not really, she got a new hair ribbon and neck ribbon.....thanks to my cousin Paul and Clare. They sent us 2 boxes of delicious Purdy candy with ribbons attached. Thank you very much. Lulu is thrilled with her new accessories.

Now this is a first for us. For 54 years, Cory & I have always celebrated Christmas in our home (be it rented or owned) with family (be it one person or @ 20). Today, we woke up in a strange hotel (Country Inn & Suites). We ate our meager breakfast there next to a large, Asian family. 聖誕快樂. They just stared at us. (Thank you, Kim!) Lulu dove under the lobby Christmas tree. She was sure the presents there were for her...........sorry, Lulu. They aren’t! You got ribbons! Be happy! She got a little fussy and mean so we had to let her go swimming to settle her down and shut her up! She likes to pretend she’s the Little Mermaid. Oh, what a dreamer. The Little Mermaid has long hair! The main problem we have with this swimming ritual is she always goes skinny dipping. One of these days, she’s going to get hers for indecent exposure. Probably she will get off cause she doesn’t have anything to expose except for her head! She knows what she’s doing. Smarty pants! We had enough of her shenanigans and left at 8:30 AM.

Once in the car, we were just like anyone else traveling down the highway. Traffic started out very sparse. Hardly any big rigs. By lunchtime, it has picked up quite a bit but nothing you would call heavy. We wondered: where are they going? “🎼🎼🎼To Grandmother’s they go🎼🎼🎼.” Or are they going back home from Grandma’s house? Or are they going on a trip? Are they going to Florida, like us? We have seen on average only 12 RV’s/ 5th Wheels heading in the same direction that we are going in (that’s at 2:30 P.M.). Or are they just cruising around and don’t know what day it is? Or maybe their religion doesn’t recognize Christmas? What would be your guess?

At this time, we have shed our winter jackets and have turned on just the cool air. We were sweltering there for a minute.....pant, pant, pant. Lulu almost had heat stroke. Gasp! 🎼🎼Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina”. Lulu had been down in her carry bag eating hotel cookies. She couldn’t get out of the bag fast enough. She has resumed her post as our navigator on the dash. Lulu.....get us to Florida!

Stopped at a Pilot Fuel Station in “Anytown” South Carolina. Gas was $1.83/gal. From my photo, it looks like we paid only 83 cents/gal. but that is how the photo came out. When I took the picture, the numbers are in constant movement! Guess I could have done a video.

We decided we should eat lunch here as maybe our Christmas dinner might consist of chips and cookies. They had an Arby’s at this gas station. I had a fish sandwich and Cory had 2 sliders. We shared a small Arby drink but then Cory brought in another big cup from the car and filled it up. When you are a Senior Citizen you need to do this sometimes.......you’ll see.

Take a look at the blue, blue sky! We call it a Florida Sky at home.....when we get one like that. Remember my story about when I was a young girl and took tap dancing lessons? I’m sure you do. Just in case. We had our dance recital and I wore the fancy, tiny (I was actually small at one time in my life), fluffy, tutu my mother made for me. We tap danced and sang to the tune of “Blue Skies”. 🎼🎼Blue skies smiling at me....nothing but blue skies do I see.🎼🎼” I know it all by heart! I sing it every time now when I see that gorgeous blue sky. Well, half way through the performance, the zipper on my tutu broke and there I was...... Brush, Brush, Tap, Tap with my outfit hanging half off of me. I had to keep my arms straight down and stiff to keep it from falling off completely. What a situation to be in. All the other pretty girls singing, dancing and twirling. Me.......at the end.....stiff as a poker looking like a stripper. Noooooooooooooo! Moving on.

Looking at our car dashboard, you can see we are well prepared with multiple devices to ensure we don’t get lost. Tom-Tom, GPS by Waze, Dash Camera, Maps on Smart Phone. Hah! We still got lost last night when trying to locate the Applebee’s. Cory already knows this route to & from Florida like the back of his hand (what does that actually mean, anyway?) so we could travel it by his good memory and sense of direction. Me.....I’d have us ending up in Nebraska. Where would we sleep? Our RV is in Florida! At least, Lulu has her carry bag to curl up in....which is very easy for her to do. You know why.....

Many of you have asked me “Why do you have such gray hair?”......well, maybe I just suspected you wanted to ask me that question. No matter, here’s the answer whether you want it or not. Please take a good, long look at the picture of our GPS! Yes....you are reading it correctly. That was the speed Mr. Speedster was going on the highway. 84 MPH! Let’s repeat it together: 84 miles per hour! That’s why I have my gray hair......all slicked back almost into a D.A. That’s why Lulu looks catatonic at times. Thats why he’s setting a bad example for our family members. That’s why we have a new car that looks just like our old car. That’s why I am so wrinkled up. That’s why my voice is so hoarse. The police should have heard me squealing in fear. Where were they?? Of course, Mr. Speedster had a response for the horrific anguish he instilled into me. “He was just keeping up with the rest of the traffic!” Whaaaaaaaaaat? Whyyyyyyyy? Good Grief, Charlie Brown. Call the Task Force to visit with Mr. Speedster! I am running out of underclothes real fast! Fortunately, Lulu doesn’t have that issue.......And we all know why......don’t we? She is so easy to travel with. No need for rest stops for her. Bless her little missing bladder.

Oh, for Lordy sake! I was so busy writing this blog I almost missed us entering Florida. That happened at 4:06 PM. At the speed Mr. Speedster is going we could drive to Texas and be there around 9:00 PM. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I don’t know how all of you are coping.....you’ve been mighty quiet. I bet Cory slipped you a “Mickey” at that last stop......did he? It is almost like we are flying rather than driving. Take pity on my....please! I bet our friend, Diane, has complete empathy for me. She understands my situation. Now, Mr. Buckaroo says maybe we’ll just keep going onto Tropical Palms tonight. OMG! Diane, do you hear that?? And top that off by the fact he is going to continue on I-95 and the take I-4! Nooooooooo! I’m throwing up in my mouth a lot now! We are now talking heavy, speeding traffic (forget it is Christmas Day and everyone should be home) and major construction that goes on forever on I-4. Pray for us. Lulu is shaking bad. At the rate Mr. Speedster is going, we should be at TP in 5 minutes! Just kidding! We still have to get gas. The way Mr.S is driving, it’s a wonder we don’t have to get gas every half hour. Our car must be burning it up like a bon fire. I’m sure our tires are gone and we are skidding along on the rims. Definitely a good idea that we ate our “Christmas dinner” at Arby’s. It will be Ruffle potato chips and our daughter, Lory’s, cookies tonight.

I’m going to complete this blog now so I can concentrate and prepare myself for the next 150 miles of pure hell. I will put my winter jacket back on along with my hat and mittens.....anything to pad me up just in case. Lulu is back in her bag.....shaking badly.

We hope your Christmas Day was as wonderful as each one of you. Cory (aka Mr. Speedster) and I celebrated knowing we have such a wonderful family and wonderful friends. 🎼🎼Some Kind of Wonderful🎼🎼. Let us end with a “Silent Night”.

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