More Pool Fun!

---

Vacay is going great. Mostly. I thought Ed was going to get into a fist fight in the movie theatre. The show is about to start and some guy is talking. The guy really thinks he is cool. His jokes are lame, the people with him laugh. He’s a loud talker, center of attention. The show starts and is showing credits and he is still talking. I just know this isn’t going to go well. I figure they will stop talking once the movie has dialogue. Ed doesn’t like to wait. So he turns to them and says, really loud, Hey, could you shut up? Sigh. They make some comments back, that fortunately Ed can’t hear. It does get really quiet in the theatre. About ¾ of the way thru the movie the guy starts snoring. Boy, that was going to be some kind of a fight.

The festivals have all wrapped up here. There is a distinct difference between Coachella and Stagecoach attendees. Like about 4 years of secondary education. I have heard a rumbling that two of my nieces might be considering Coachella for next year. Seems the only hesitation they have is turning up in a blog. Haha. As if that would happen. It isn’t like I just out family members randomly. You don’t see me mentioning the time my brother-in-law (to protect his identity, I will call him “B” ) throws in the c-word in my living room, I believe in reference to a Winnipeg hockey game? The blog doesn’t work like that. The girls have nothing to worry about. However, I have seen first hand what happens at Coachella, and I am worried for their reputations.

Stagecoach is much calmer. There are only a few requirements. You need a bikini top and a cowboy hat. And you don’t need to know all the words to Red Solo Cup, but at least one phrase. From the pool, I would say ‘Red solo cup, I fill you up, let’s have a party’ is the most common. You should also be able to tell a few really good stories related to how drunk you have been. One guy at the pool told a story of how he was paid to be drunk for a scientific study. It involved a number of co-ed situations in a bathroom. Or his friend, who was struggling with the lining of his bathing suit, decided to take it off and hang out at the pool in a towel, and randomly do a little dance at the edge of the pool. I think he was very disappointed the towel would not let go. I was fearful this was going to turn into my second bare ball blog.

If you don’t want to hang with the cool people, you can go to the big pool, where there is a much bigger variety. Ed and I have gone there for the last few days. Day one was Stagecoach Hangover Pool day. There are a few guys who are trying to keep the party going, but no one is really that interested. After trying ‘cheers’ 12 or 15 times and seeing that didn’t get anything going, he gave up. Then four guys come in with last night’s writing still on their chests. All wearing matching plastic sunglasses. They also tried to keep the drinks going, but ended up just standing in the pool looking at each other. If they haven’t found any women by now, it is looking like a no-score weekend. I’m particularly worried for them if they struck out at Stagecoach…

The next day was even better! Yes, it is time for the Douche of the Week Award!

We are enjoying the sun, and I am, as always, eavesdropping. There are the usual characters at the pool. A real nice mom and her kids, a guy suntanning and two older couples, discussing whether or not John Elton was playing in Vegas. A grandmother, her friend, and the young granddaughter. Now don’t think sweet grandmother. Think ‘Tell her I’m not f’n coming to pick her up and I don’t give a &*&%$ how she gets home’. All translated thru a 12 year old. Delightful. Now, the grandmother had my attention plenty. I didn’t have anything to read, and the guy next to me at the pool was snoring. So I’m just sitting and listening. Politely. Like a regular person. Then I notice that her friend is wearing a classic monokini. In hot pink and leopard. You know how I am with animal print. The front of it is like a bra. Black lace. None of it fits well, but the woman has a killer tan, with no lines. Well, sure, the tattoos distract from the little straps on the back. And lines that you get from being, let's say 50 or so. And we all know that I am not a kind person. And we also know I have my phone in my pool bag. Hmmm. You can see where it is going. I get an excellent pic! Do a bit of swimming, hang out a while longer, listen to the story how grandma didn’t get invited to her daughter’s wedding, probably because the others were f’n jealous… and it is time to go. Why can I not leave well enough alone? We are walking by. The phone is out. I get the perfect picture (and I mean perfect!). And then I push it. I take another one. Oh, that’s where it fell apart. Pinky says ‘I don’t think you had permission to take her picture’. Of course I keep walking. Out of the pool area, thru the gate. Pretending I don’t hear. ‘That’s going to cost you some money!”. It is everything I can do to keep my mouth shut. Back at the car. Granted, I could out run those two women, but they would destroy me. I’m only rude at a distance. I knew at some point I would earn Douche of the Week Award, but didn’t think I would go down on week 2. Guess we won’t be going back to the big pool until next year…



Needless to say I don’t have a pic for this entry. Well, I do have a pic…

---

Comments

[Peter]

Noisy people at movies
Bring a squirt bottle of ice cold water , when they start talking just nail him or her in the back of the melon