"I did not live until today"


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Published: July 2nd 2014
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Success! After being bunged up with endless waffles, pancakes and chips I woke up to my first poo in three days. There's a limited number of things that a diet completely lacking in fibre can do for you and producing regular bowel movements isn't one of them (as you may have noticed the first couple of paragraphs are for you mum... sorry G).

Despite yearning for a side salad or, dare we dream, fruit there's nothing we can do. The optimistic but doubt-filled question of "do you have whole wheat?" has become almost a cliche for us when asked what sides we'd like. The huge consumption of fast food by the Yanks seems not to be by choice but instead through lack of choice. In England, service stations serve healthy salads and even sushi in addition to the usual McDonalds and KFCs. Here, however, the best you can get is a Subway which is where we have resorted to having lunch daily. Here, at the very least, you can accompany heavy bread, fatty cheese and glazed pork with traces of lettuce and perhaps, if fortunate, the odd tomato.

Despite passing several amazing places on this trip, it has been Jake's almost seamless transition into white trash that has been one of the more entertaining sights so far. Give this self-proclaimed "London boy" a Redskins football shirt and a snapback cap (worn backwards, of course) and he fits in with the rest of the customers at Denny's or Taco Bell. Throw in an endless supply of "yeeha" chants out of the window of a moving car and you've got trailer park trash.

The only thing that let's him down is his poor knowledge of American currency. At Subway, when asked if he had a quarter, he stared vacantly before handing them $25 dollars. His explanation for this was that "25 is a quarter of 100." Yes Jake, yes it is.

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Tot: 2.518s; Tpl: 0.05s; cc: 10; qc: 45; dbt: 0.0565s; 2; m:saturn w:www (104.131.125.221); sld: 1; ; mem: 1.3mb