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Published: September 25th 2017
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My husband suffers from anxiety and PTSD. He learned about a natural substance called Ayahuasca which is found in the Amazonian rainforest. When mixed with DMT as a tea of sorts it produces hallucinations which has been proven to help with anxiety, stress and addictions.
I was intrigued by this concoction and decided to join my husband in a series of experiences. And instead of traveling to South America we experienced Ayahuasca in our own space at home.
The first night we drank an introductory dose. The "tea" is a thick dark brown liquid with a bitter taste reminding me of middle eastern cuisine. Our guides suggested we take the first dose alone for the purpose of total immersion without distraction. The liquid's odor made it difficult to drink without gagging but I managed to get it down. I was instructed to stay still so it could settle in my stomach. After one hour the guide brought another small cup of the brown formula. It was a little more difficult to swallow this time but I managed.
The room was filled with candles and meditative music. Within just a few minutes after the second dose I noticed movement within the flames of the candles and long strands of light similar to a fiber optic strand. I also witnessed movement in almost every thing I could see. I have read that all things have a vibration and an aura but I have never before witnessed it personally.
The liquid began gurgling in my stomach and I felt an urge to purge. Worried about throwing up, I took a Dramamine before the experience and it prevented any actual vomiting.
The images continued for another two hours. It was a chilly night with the door open to the back yard so I pulled on a blanket and cuddled my lab puppy who oozed warmth and goodness.
As it was the wee hours of the morning and the effects of the liquid were waning, I decided to retire to bed for the rest of the night. Although fatigued, it was difficult to settle into sleep. I slept lightly but somewhat restlessly until around 9am.
That evening around 6pm Keith and I started our second round of medicine. Slightly stronger than the first night, the liquid was becoming familiar to my senses but still unpleasant to swallow. Deciding that the first night went well with a Dramamine I decided to take one again before we began. The liquid once again settled in my stomach and one hour later I swallowed the second stronger dose. The candles danced once again and the vibrations of all living and static things were even more intense this time around, as was the nausea. The Dramamine prevented any vomiting and I pushed on fighting the sleepiness the drug brought with it. The visions started. As I looked into what was now dusk, I saw a giant head in my yard. It appeared to be Aztec but had no color. That was followed by a series of animals which again were in muted tones.
Alex and Grace would join me at various times and ask what I felt and what I saw.
I remember a large Mexican flag in its bold colors flying. My guides told me they believed it was a symbol of my belief and peace with my new country of residency.
It was at this point that the movement was beginning to invade my senses. The nausea was increasing. I began to shiver and I found it difficult to stay warm.
Unfortunately the discomfort pushed away the images. At that point I was forced to seek refuge in a warm bed with my husband. The dry heaves came on and my eagerness to purge the medicine became overwhelming. Occasionally I would doze and awaken to the worst motion sickness I could recall ever experiencing. This continued for several more hours. The warmth of the bed and my husband quelled the unease.
The morning brought much needed relief. It was then I decided that purging is important to the experience and by taking an anti nausea medicine, I was creating a more toxic environment and fighting my body.
I decided that for my third experience I would not take the Dramamine and welcome the purge, as did Keith. Once again we began in separate rooms and were joined by a female friend who had experienced Ayahuasca many years before. She chose to have her experience in our yard. Alex and Grace set up candles outside. It was a beautiful space. The brown liquid although more familiar, took on a more intensely bitter flavor and was more difficult to swallow. I bundled up warmly this time hoping to avoid the chill I felt the first two times. Once again I sat still while the medicine settled in my stomach, ingesting the second dose sixty minutes later. Very soon after, the room was vibrating and waves of color enveloped me. The nausea came quickly and my body retched. After about ten minutes I was able to calm the retching with closed eyes meditation. Unfortunately the visions disappeared along with the motion sickness. I chose to forgo the illusory experience and the accompanying discomfort and continue to focus on my breath and get through the night. Ayuhuasca is a stimulant and sleep did not come for several more hours. I joined my husband in bed and we enjoyed stimulating conversation until the wee hours of the morning as if words were being purged.
It was in the morning I decided to quit the treatments. The motion sickness I've had since a child sabotaged my ability to immerse myself in the experience because I am one of the few who experience the visions with my eyes open. Keith continued for two more nights.
I do believe that the more troubled you are, the more intense the experience would be. So I'm happy to say that mine was relatively tame and happy.
I rarely regret the risks and experiences I've taken in life. This is no exception.
As Mark Twain once said,
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
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