Advertisement
Published: December 4th 2008
As our most incredible year draws to a slighty premature close we thought we´d share some of the world´s oddities and idiots that we´ve met along the way.
Did you know There is a town in New Zealand called ´Clive´. Now we´re sure it´s probably pronounced ´clee-vay´ or something equally stupid, but knowing the Kiwis and their simple honest nature it´s just possible that it´s named after a bloke called Clive. Ah yes, Clive just down the road from 'Dave' if you hit 'Phil' you´ve gone too far - priceless.
There is a god. Yes once and for all there are other people out-there who believe in the Scottish Banking system. Sure they're in Chile, but it´s nice to know that somewhere in the world there is a Bureau de Change that only excepts ´Scottish´ notes as ´British´ currency. Yip, now the shoes on the other foot it feels mighty comfy. Unfortunately, you might want to make sure you bring RBS notes as they haven´t yet heard of HBOS (soon no-one else will have either - oooh topical) or the Clydesdale.
Spanish and Portuguese are not the same language. I know this sounds obvious, but to
anyone that has seen the thing written down you could be excused from making the mistake. Well just wait until they open their mouths. One of the most interesting facts is that less than 3 meters from the Columbian (Spanish speaking) border with Brazil (supposedly Portuguese speaking) not one Brazilian can speak a word of Spanish. Apparently they just haven´t gotten around to it.
Portuguese and Portuguese are not the same language. A little less obvious to be sure, but imagine the look of horror and disgust on the face of Dundonian when presented with the received and downright nasal garb of our Liz - that won´t even get you close. This is no variation in accent, this is a new language (actually there are enclaves in Dundee where that may also be the case). Only the vast size of Brazil (more a continent that a country) can be to blame. After all where else can a simple Intersate bus can take 36 hours and travel over 2000 km while still not covering half the country. Still it might be nice if they didn´t look at you like total idiots for using the language they all claim to speak.
Our work for the World´s Tourist Board Or how to sum up a country in just one sentence
After our months on the road we feel a deep, almost spirtual connection to the peoples of the world and hence feel we can sum up thousands of cultures, histories and individuals in roughly 8 words a piece.
India - An all consuming riotous nightmare of extremes wrapped in crepe paper
Nepal - It´s not India, thank god
Hong Kong - The most fun you can have with seafood
Thailand - Tenerife with Mangos
Laos - Beer Lao ... BEER LAO!
Vietnam - 20 Dollar, Ok 16 Dollar, 12, 10, what you mean you don´t want ... 6 Dollar?
Cambodia - We have Angkor Wat na na, na na na
Malaysia - Just possibly a glimpse at the future of the Islamic world
Singapore - A desolute, destitute and rather boring man´s Hong Kong
Australia - Land of the Wombat and Sunburned Brit
New Zealand - People come for the scenery, they stay for the sheep
Chile - The one place in South America where rioting isn´t a national pasttime
Bolivia - Currently Rioting
Peru - Yip Currently
rioting, but look at what we used to build
Columbia - Nice place for a day trip
Brazil - Too big to be allowed
Argentina - It´s like Europe only cheaper and with more meat
Uruguay - It´s like Argentina only with more meat
Costa Rica - San Jose, a city where scales were invented for other people
Nicaragua - Home of the worst marketing department in the world - it´s fantastic
Belize - Little country, big animals
Guatamala - Liars, cheats and thiefs r´ us
Mexico - Don´t tell anyone, but we´re much friendlier than those up north would have you believe
Our Special award for ´Idiot of the Year´ More money than sense, seems to be a phrase that springs to mind when encountering many travellers these days and we beleive we´ve met more than our fair share. How about the people that thought it was a good idea to ship a car to India rather than buy one for a fraction of the price. Or the guy who argued until he was blue in the face that the population of London was 35 million and the stars in the night sky are roughly 4
miles away (hmm). Not to mention the bloke who swore blind that Macchu Pichu is over 4000 years old - it isn´t by the way
There is something delightfully obnoxious about them all. The pleasure one can take in knowing that they probably talk garbage all their lives and at least you´ll never have to see them again. They are, however, almost perfectly epitomised by the masters of the breed - The Southern English Teenager.
Unfortunately they do seem to breed a rather large number of spectacularly arrogant and misinformed fools ´down south´, perhaps if these people had ever worked a day in their lives or earned the money they used to travel they might not be quite so condesending and offensive towards other cultures, but where would the fun in that be.
In what is our most esteemed category, we have highlighted one individual who´s utter tripe we were subjected to for a grueling 2 hour boat journey. There was even a point at which we argued over who got to beat him to death with his own shoes, but it passed.
This moron comenced his diatribe with a lecture to all and sundry with
a delightfully inaccurate and downright offensive monologue on how to ´sort out´ the poor in Bolivia. Stream of effluence followed, through which he denounced other cultures as being backwards and ´ill-prepared for modern life´. This BNP spokesmen, while spectactularly failing to impress the young ladies he had seated himslef next to, continued with strings of falices and miss information, but the best was yet to come
´What´s over there?´ asked the by now rather bored Irish girl
'Oh that´s Columbia´ he announced proudly before reeling off a litany of propagada
Our only problem with this was the fact that we were, at the time, on Lake Titicaca and the country he so proudly announced as Columbia was in fact Peru - All 1.2 million square km of it.
Muppet.
And so the end What have we learned, what has changed in our lives. Well for one we know what it feels like to fall off a horse, to be given concussion by a surfboard and how to get run over in Saigon.
We learned we both love caving, weird, and that adventure sports are just that bit more fun without the safety on. We´ve
eaten Chickens Feet (Duncan), Termites (Duncan again) and congeled, fermented and somewhat moldy pork fat (unfortunately this was the one nic did try). We´ve travelled by bus, train, car, tuk-tuk, horse (sometimes without coming off), bike, plane, quad bike, spaceship, surf boards and of course our beloved Camels (Right, turn Right. No I don´t want to go to Pakistan!).
We´ve met people from all over the civilized world and one from Kirkcaldy. We´ve taken a million photos and been in a fair few too (Nic´s hair colour seems to be the 8th wonder of the modern world to some) and we´ve bartered, begged and stolen (ok not stolen, but some of the prices make it feel like that) over 65Kg of presents for those back home.
Have we changed, are we really different. Well while our waistlines may agree (we´re about 4 inches down) the answer has to be no. We´re no different now than we we left. Nic still can´t read maps and Duncan would leap of a cliff if someone suggested it might be fun.
What we do know and what we can say is that this will continue. We will continue to travel, continue to experiment, continue to live because right now we´re on top of the world and we couldn´t be happier.
Some sad news Due to the tragic death of Nic´s Grandad, we have decided to cut the rest of our voyage short. She wishes to be with her family at this time to pay her respects to a wonderful man and their 26 years of Twycross Zoo expeditions.
Advertisement
Tot: 0.185s; Tpl: 0.013s; cc: 9; qc: 61; dbt: 0.0717s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.2mb
laetitiaaroundtheworld
Laetitia
Good to see the enthusiasm, energy and sense of humor of ones who have traveled the world and asking for more! Kept smiling the whole way while reading your blog :-) Thank you!