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Published: January 22nd 2007
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The white bullet
Fabio superstar spoiling what could have been the new nationals geogrphic cover.
the beast, the machine, the superVocho So guys (and girls), here is an update of our story in Mexico DF so far: WE HAVE A FUCKING CAAAAR!!!!! Yes man, it’s a perfectly engineered machine which batman would be jealous about. 44 horses ride the beast at 100 km/h through the Pan-American Highway, 2 crazy bastards move the wheel of the WHITE BULLET, as I have called it until Fabio accepts one of the names I want to give the car which include, the shagride, stella, the white panther or samantha.
The story does not start here. We were 5 days looking for a perfect car, went to a bazaar to the north of Mexico. When I say north, I don’t mean, "a bit to the north" as with everything here, the north of Mexico means like 100 km north of where we are. 2 subways, and 4 busses later we arrived to the biggest used car bazaar ever invented. After looking at the most stupid cars, for example a 1 million km vocho, a public transport bus, a car with no engine (tats right, how the fuck am I supposed to buy a car with no engine!)..Etc, we found a semi new Volkswagen beetle. As we
My piss
in inmigration we wanted to take a picture that meant all that it means to us. here you go. by the way, notice anything strange with the higine tablet....? didn’t have the money we had to get back empty handed. Some people would have given up by then, but not us! We came back 2 days later, just after a 2 litre rum party, with our heads pumping blood like an 80 year old prostatic man pumps pee. Waited for about an hour (or how it’s known here: 10 minutos) to meet the bastard who sold us the car. I drove back from the bazaar, happy as a baby with a new toy, to the zocalo, where we dedicated the day to move it from parking spot to parking spot. One of those moves costed us 300 pesos, here’s why. Were driving our car through the streets, suddenly a police car near by stops us rather violently, as he walks to our car, he unlocks his gun, I’m thinking "you idiot, thinking you are in LA or something" he asks for the car papers, we don’t have them, he asks for our driving license, we don’t have it. so he starts a rather eloquent (being eloquent for a police officer in Mexico, where the requirements are secondary schooling, is putting 3 phrases together with no mistakes) chat about how
Surprisee!!!
thats me inside the car, tripping with its design. for the record, im totally sober. in this country things work differently from our country, and hat the mistake is going to cost us 25 days of minimum salary (50 pesos). As he can’t do the maths, I do it for him: 500 pesos (for the dumb ones: 50 x 25 = 1250, not 500) but then again, the dumb fuck didn’t realize. So as things usually work in Mexico, the idiot divided the quantity by 2 and hoped we stupid tourist would give it him. He was right. We stupid tourists as we are gave him the ridiculous amount of 300 pesos which destroyed our dinner plans that night. I hate policemen, I hate them since I started smoking pot, but that day elevated my bulshitmeter for policemen to 2000 (the highest is about 10).
The next day was quite amusing too. We went for a quick tour to renovate our visa. What initially was thought of as a cool plan through Mexico’s burocracy ended up in chaos (as is becoming the norm) When we got there, a very calm and polite dude tells me that I have to pay 200 pesos for the renovation and 500 pesos for staying longer than I said
View from the hostel 1
Thi is a picture, the rest sucks horses ass. I would. He then tells me that if I go for the counter right next to me, I could avoid the 500. I stood up and screamed: "where is the 20 pesos counter?" nobody answers. to my surprise, the girl on the next counter tells me I have to pay the bill unless I get a "definite departure" from the country, she then proceeds to tell me that a definite departure is not definite at all, I can come back the same day and get 3 more months visa. The rules of this country amaze me, no wonder you can get 3 hot dogs for 10 pesos but can’t get a few more days to spend my green dollars. I swear I wanted to jump over the country and chop the girl’s tits of to make myself a wonder bra. Anyway, as we don’t want to pay, we ask her to give us the paper. She bursts out laughing, and asks us if were high. We tell her of course were stoned, why else would we come to Mexico? to what she answers that we need a full copy of our passport, a form filled 3 times (no photocopiers here,
View from the hostel 2
The ovnis we saw are the most boaring of our stories. don’t ask) and some more cool paper to fill in. we go to get the papers and then queue for 1 hour to check the papers we got are correct. Filling, refilling and filling again we are ready to go, "sweet" we think. Not that fast! When we get to give the papers, the girl tells us hat we cannot fill the form in red because the photocopier didn’t read it. A point of anger here: If you have photocopier, why the fuck did I spend 2 hours filling a form 3 times. What kind of photocopier doesn’t read red ink? Where do you buy them from? Xerox? Apparently. We fill the forms again, thinking that the definite departure would take a second. Stupid tourists, NOTHING IS INSTANT IN MEXICO. 4 frikkin days, 4!!!! What the fuck?
Anyway, it’s Sunday afternoon, and the papers should be ready for Monday. Meanwhile we have been doing some embassy things, going to the post for a package from England (thanks Nat! you’re the best) and drinking to forget all the crap we went through. Met some cool French dudes, and a cool French girl, as well as a guy from Chicago who
View from our room
France could be an amazing country, if it wasnt full of french. the same thing happens with the hostel. spoke French. What’s with French in Mexico, it seems they all get together to get cheaper flight tickets.
Tomorrow starts the journey to oaxaca, don't miss it, more crazy shit to happen...
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felipe
non-member comment
la nave
maestros!!! que locura de vocho, exactamente como me lo imaginaba, blanco, del color perfecto pa pintarlo con todas las historias que van a pasar entre esa lata. de verdad los envidio, y espero que lleguen pronto (a 100 km/h top speed) porque aquí todo se acelera. mucha suerte viejo. buen viento y buena mar.