A Canadian Introduction

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Whenever I see an opportunity to see a museum a bit “out there” I take it and in Toronto you can go to one that can hardly be seen anywhere else in the world! No it’s not the ice hockey hall of fame. That wouldn’t make sense? No no. I’ll get to what it is later.

The way you enter a country does play a big part of your trip and can leave a lasting impression on the country. Sometimes for the first few days, others last for a while. As I crossed from Detroit and into Windsor, Canada I was stopped by a female officer who was all padded up around the chest area and sitting behind a toll booth desk.

She goes through the typical questions and suspected I am probably here to work or maybe a terrorist or perhaps a debt collector on an overseas mission? I don’t know. I am asked to park my car in a special spot so my car can get a work over. I am not greeted with a hello and asked to, “Get out of the car, take the keys out of the ignition, leave them on the seat and stand in front of the car!” (Another words, Welcome to Canada)

I get asked more questions like how long has it been since I was last home, How am I financing this trip? What does you job entail? These are being asked by two new women in the same padded up uniform. Basically I am seen as a criminal until proven innocent.

I am not saying that it shouldn’t be done this way because who knows maybe if these measures aren’t done than things could have gone wrong over the past decade. But I don’t think that the officers should have the right to be brutally disrespectful because a person has decided to come and visit the officer’s country.

I’m not asking for any sexual favours although that would have been nice from two of the three officers. Maybe that is why one decided to look through my messages on my phone, to see if I was into anything kinky or commented on a border crossing fantasy (… Damn I’ve typed it too late and on the blog not my mobile.)

As the slightly attractive officer checked my phone I mumbled, “That’s disgusting.” But she didn’t hear. Out the back, my trunk (which I can’t see because I am standing at the front of the car) is getting turned upside down by the ugly officer of the 3. Everything has been taken out of my backpack and a half arsed effort by the sloppy bitch to put things back was made. I still haven’t found a pair of socks (this is 3 weeks later) and it took me a few days to find my Tupperware. I found just today that they then stamped my passport on an empty page. I have 5 pages left.

So lets go through the process a bit. Fair enough don’t be nice to me at the beginning and during. That’s fine I understand it’s an attempt to intimidate and hope in my nervousness I will give in and say, “I can’t do this. You got me. I was going to work here illegally and at the end of it all just before you caught me I was going to bomb the CN Tower in Toronto just when a whole bunch of Australians who owed debt was visiting the site.”

But after the 15 minutes of looting without the loot they realise that I was actually just a tourist and wasn’t planning on doing any of the above. Wouldn’t you think that they would change tact and say “Oh so this is a nice human being that deserves my respect” And do what the USA officers do, “Thank you for you time? I hope you enjoy your stay in our country” But no not in Canada. “Your keys are in the car turn right over there to exit.” And after trashing the inside of my car they walked off.

That “right” instruction was taken after briefly considering walking off with them to complain to the head officer… There was a high horse over there at the door of the building and I was so close to hopping on. But I saw no saddle, the saddle was towards a normal persons reaction, which was right and toward Windsor town, which was a 15 second drive away, I had entered Canada.

Windsor has a great view back toward Detroit’s CBD across the river and exiting the town toward Toronto there are numerous amount of Medical super stores. I wanted to stock up on some snacks and stuff for the road and twice got caught out by Drug stores in a supermarket setup. USA with there shitty medical benefits means Canada is a haven for medical supplies. I even saw Seniors Thursdays!

The next day I arrived in Toronto and I found some accommodation about 6 subway stations away from downtown and parked my car in the paid for parking spot. At the hostel there was about 75% of guests on work visa’s. This would be the way things were in most of my hostel stays in Canada.

Unlike in Europe where it is not difficult to find someone in the middle of the week in a hostel to get pissed with. It seemed a bit more difficult in Canadian hostels. That’s put down to that it is expensive to go out and have more than a few drinks.

I didn’t find Toronto much of a tourist destination, for it seemed that over time the place will grow on you. Gradually finding out the little nooks and crannies that make people love it. For a tourist it’s pretty much over and done with in 3 hours.

The highlight was probably these 3 women topless advertising something. I can’t remember now. That was at Dundas Square and even the guidebook was struggling for things to suggest with a standout sight of the worlds biggest bookstore to fill in the space. The walk of fame is the lamest walk of fame I’ve ever seen. Nothing has been added since the 90’s and only covers one block on one side.

There’s the dick and balls (the CN Tower and the Sky dome of the MLB side Blue jays) And also the Hockey Hall of Fame and one special museum that I’ll get to later.

I meet up with a friend I met in Mauritania who showed me around some bohemian area of town. There she took me to what was described as the best poutine in town. “Poutine?” I questioned. Hot potato chips drizzled with gravy and chunks of cheese. I ended up having it a few times but failed to have it whilst drunk, which I think would increase the enjoyment factor but it was not bad. I do prefer chips with gravy and a tonne of chicken salt.

The other introduction was to the staple diet of every Canadian, Tim Horton’s. Tim Horton’s is the cheaper version of Starbucks. The owner (Tim Horton) was an ex Hockey player so its no wonder his company is successful. The drinks are pretty good but the donuts are even better. I’d say if I was in Canada for more than a few weeks I would have been hooked.

I went to a comedy club, which Toronto is known for and a few people I helped with their resumes from the hostel joined me. The hostel crowd in all places were either Australian, German or Dutch. The last two I helped with the English translations.

The comedy was hit and miss really with the good ones being good whilst the bad ones were pretty ordinary. One thing I’ve noticed in my first few months here is that race is a big issue and that when it comes to comedy Jewish people seem to think they own comedy. In fact one guy did say those words to me.

“Look I am not trying to sound like I’m pigheaded but you know I am Jewish. So I feel I do know what good comedy is.” What is it with Jewish people and comedians (not all obviously) but the ones that are not funny seem to think that if they can put out there that they are Jewish than automatically through the stigma of a few good comedy acts and shows the world will automatically think they are funny. Sorry but just because a few of you are funny doesn’t mean you all are. It’s like saying every Australian is great at boomerang throwing because they invented it. It was probably the best comedy club night I’ve had. Mind you I’ve only been to 3 in my life.

I tried to get my friend to join me that afternoon and encouraged the people from the hostel to go to the museum of choice in Toronto… perhaps Canada! The BATA Shoe Museum. That’s right a shoe museum! Made even better when I handed my 2005 student card and got student price!! Basically I gave them the ultimatum without saying it. “I am a male. This is a shoe museum. I’m not paying full price.” So for $8 instead of $14 I got to see one of the worlds only museums dedicated to the shoe.

This museum unlike the other lame museums I’ve proudly been to like the Door (not musicians, actual doors) Museum or the Clock and Watch museum. This museum has been laid out with thought and care. Dimmed down lighting give the shoes prominent viewing. It starts off with the Otzi man shoe, which is the earliest example of European shoe. It’s a tanned deerskin which covers with finely cut vegetable fibre where grass was stuffed into. The sole an un-durable bear skin.

This is why I go to museums like this because you get to learn something. Who would have thought that bearskin is not durable on the foot! There’s examples of the Egyptian sandal to the Greeks and Romans. Other cultures are on show too like the Indian, African tribes, even the aboriginal Kurdaicha elder shoe made of emu feathers.

This stuff I suppose wouldn’t impress but wait for this one. This I know will get you on the plane to Toronto tomorrow. Next year 2012 is the 40th year anniversary of the MusicFest in Canada. So big Canadian Music stars offered a famous shoe that they have worn to be put on display and ‘Oh My God’ was this a moment to take the piss out of the museum!!

Never mind the chestnut crushing boot with its large spikes from Frances 1800’s or the Bolivian Tinku sandal. The massive cow boot for injured cows feet. They are all informative in its quirky way. The 1925 deep sea diving boot or the Moravian Dance Boot. I couldn’t take the piss out of something that’s interesting for a few seconds.

But the sight of Avril Lavines black converse shoe signed on the white tip is too much. I had to read the blurb to capture the full scope of the moment. And Oh. My. God! There before my eyes were the shoes with a love heart she wore for the video clip Sk8ter Boy. I started singing the lyrics to the people back at the hostel. I thought I got it right but apparently I was slightly wrong. You all know that song. “She was a sk8ter boy she said see you later boy he wasn’t good enough for her.” Apparently that is slightly wrong so a slight vindication that I am still a man. Although some people would say that that is still close enough.

So to some other great contributors to the world of music Justin Bieber and the best blurb I read in the whole museum. The ‘commercially successful’ not proudly Canadian or great musicians just yeah the songs are bad but they are “commercially successful” Nickleback.

I found it appropriate to hit this museum when it appears shoes maybe at a transitional stage. Throughout my time in North America I have seen a few times people walking the streets with a toe sock shoe called the Injinji shoe. A performance shoe is an attempt to get the foot back to its natural beginnings. Think about it we were not built for living in shoes. That was not how we were built.

That was the only disappointing thing about the museum. Maybe I missed it but I wanted the reasoning behind the shoe and how it transformed the build of the foot, the future shape of the foot. But the big info I wanted was how the tongue of a shoe came about. Still a mystery for me.

A little history of the boom years of the shoe from 1900-1930’s how the hems of dresses went up meaning boots transformed into elegant ladies shoes and by the 1950’s the invention of the stiletto. There was also an art gallery of shoes. Ranging from paintings to converting shoes into art pieces, which was very unique.

But a visit to Toronto would not be complete without hanging around the area where the Maple Leafs were playing. It was opening night of the NHL season and tickets were too much so I went to a posh looking set up next to the stadium. “O Canada” anthem came on and the bar, which was two tiered facing a bar with massive screens plus little screens, were in full voice.

Mostly the crowd seemed business like and there was a lot of passion in the viewing. They were playing arch rivals the Montreal Canadians. I ended up having 3 drinks, which set me back $26 plus a tip. I gave a larger tip to a girl not much, but a bit more because she caught me looking at her tits. She left the tip on the bar and some other girl picked it up and put it into the communal jar behind the bar. I am still getting use to this whole tipping thing.

I left a bit pissed actually but that $26 was not wasted because I shouldn’t really have had it. Parking on the east of North America is annoying in the cities. To save the $10-20 a day. I’d have to get up to move the car by 7am. Move it again at a certain hour in the afternoon or in Toronto’s case pay the $3 for the night shift. I admired my parking this day, shut the door, locked up and walked off.

I had a shower opened my beer to pre game and went “Oh Shit I forgot to pay for parking!” Run off down the 3 blocks, I get to the car park and the ticket man had just fined me. I say “Excuse Me! Excuse Me! I had to get some more money from my home I didn’t have enough.” Wallet in hand, hair wet from the shower I just taken. He walks back to my car and says. “Is this your car? Well I hope you didn’t walk all the way back to Rhode Island for it… Well I’ll just rip that up than for you.” And in that moment Canada had just redeemed itself from my welcome.

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