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Published: August 7th 2011
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"Uh, not so much. Bears eat people Dude. You should probably get back in your car."
Two days in Banff. Bear count: 3 or 4. Stupid tourist count: somewhere around 27. People are amusing when it comes to Canadian bearskies. Actually, Canadian wildlife in general. Cougars. Moose. Elk. Even mountain goats. Surely everyone knows that bears are not akin to fluffy puppy dogs and moose are slightly more unstable than horses, right?
Wrong. The world's truly stupid, those most deserving of a good mauling or an antler smushing go to Banff. They flock there in mass numbers and typically aim to get said mauling or smushing on film in that "first person, adventure seeking" kind of way. We were constantly amazed at the tourists getting out of their vehicles in pursuit of the perfect picture. We're not even talking about "Oh look, there is moose down there, across that river, let's hop out and snap a photo." We're talking about freaky proximity. We're talking about being so close they could nearly touch the elk and "You know you won't have time to make it back to your car if that bear decides to chase you, right?" It was incredible
to watch their stupidity.
And, confession time - it was uber tempting to honk our horn like lunatics so as to uh, startle the animal and watch it charge the people. Does that make us jerks? Or um, advocates for intelligent wildlife appreciation? :D
Anyhow, Banff. After a full day of rafting in Golden, we treated ourselves to dinner at the derelict town IGA (read: soggy french fries and dodgy deli salads) and hit the road for the 2 hour drive to Banff. Before even entering the national park, we saw bearskies on the side of the highway. We were beside ourselves with delight. It was one of those "Whoa, how Canadian do we feel?" moments, where we felt like we had delivered on the Canadian road trip promise (of mountains and bears) to Sonja and she could go home having experienced the full meal deal.
Round two of hosteling it: We ended up purchasing memberships to Hosteling International because almost every hostel between Banff and Jasper, in Victoria and Whistler are HI hostels and we save $4 a night with the membership. And, as we are po, like Oprah was po, we'll be hosteling it the
entire two weeks. We stayed at the HI-Banff Alpine Centre ($37/pp/night) and as this was only our second go at Canadian hostels we have to say we were quite impressed. Decent size rooms, CLEAN, good cooking area, and really helpful staff.
First things first in Banff: Hot Springs. We went as soon as we arrived from Golden - so as to combat the glacier fed pneumonia from rafting! The hot springs were... kinda lame. They were just a glorified, oversized hot tub stuffed with tourists. Not quite the rustic natural experience we were after.
We had hoped to do some hiking, but we were thwarted by both crappy weather and a cougar. As we arrived at the trailhead, we were greeted with a sign warning hikers that a hike wasn't such a grand idea, as two cougars had been spotted in the area and one had even followed another hiker. Yikes. The sign advised hiking groups of 3 or 4, but we passed altogether. Something about my incessant online reading and subsequent phobia of animal attacks. I
really don't want to be eaten (particularly by a bear) - laugh at me not, it happens! And amazingly
enough, we still saw solo hikers heading down the trail. Clearly they don't use google. Or, you know, common sense.
So, instead of hiking, shopping! Oh, the tourist shops! Sonja was on a mission to take something home for just about every person in Holland, so in and out of every tacky shop we went! Trevor and I were beyond amused at all the cheesy "Canadian" souvenirs. Everything bear, moose, and beaver you can imagine! The most useful purchase of the day:
bear spray. Confession Numero Dos: I'm actually
terrified of bears. I'm fascinated by them and think they're such majestic animals, but I am also absolutely terrified of being mauled by one. It's this weird, unfounded, irrational fear that just seems to get worse with time. It is to the point of where I can't even relax on a camping trip, as we're tenters and I just
know that Yogi is waiting in the bush for me to pee with my back turned or fall asleep so that he can eat me with significantly less effort. I slept with an axe in my hand on our last camping trip. Not kidding.
Ahem. So. Bear spray it is. I consider it an investment. I also wanted to purchase a bear banger, bear bells, a guard dog and oh, I don't know, a gun, but the sales guy told me to try out the bear spray and see how I do. See how I do? What the hell Bud? I'm pretty sure a rampaging bear is a one time shot. I doubt I'll be returning for a refund or an upgrade if I don't "do" well with the damn bear spray. Humpf.
Anyhow, that's Banff.
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wherearelanda
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Hilarious!
Great blog guys! Makes me want to go to Canada. One day...