A Bad-Ass Tour Of The Vatican

Europe » Vatican City
May 28th 2011

Published: June 29th 2011

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Delek Delek

Angels & Demons

The famous Vatican staircase on the cover of some editions of Dan Brown's book.

Whenever I told anyone about my bank holiday plans, the most common response was one of surprise.
"Haven't you been to Rome yet?"
With a reputation as a fairly seasoned traveller, particularly in Europe, perhaps it was understandable for people to assume that I have been to one of Europe's major tourist cities.
This weekend, I was finally getting the monkey off my back.

People would also have been surprised that I arrived at Stansted Airport without any drama.
The drama this time lay with Sags - I didn't hold out much hope of him making it. Luckily our flight was slightly delayed and he ended up making it comfortably.

Touching down in Rome, I hate how Ryanair boast about how they're the "on-time airline". If you give yourself thirty minutes more than you actually need to fly somewhere, then of course you're going to arrive early or on-time, most of the time.
While waiting at immigration, we bumped into some familiar faces who had been on our flight - Stevie 3 and his girlfriend Sheree who were on the Viking Star with us in the Greek Islands last year. They were also here for the long weekend, along with their friends Brendan and Kim.
"No doubt we'll bump into you again this weekend", I told them as

St. Peter's Square

Taken from the top of the dome of St. Peter's Basilica.

we went our separate ways.

A 4€ coach then took us from the airport to Termini Train Station, the main train station in Rome which was just a few blocks from our hostel - handy.
While I tried to work out where we were going with my map, Sags preferred an instinctive, trial-and-error approach which actually ended up paying dividends.

Yellow Hostel has a reputation as being a fun party hostel and it certainly seemed that way as we walked through its lively bar en route to the reception. At around 30€ a night, it's expensive for a hostel, but then accommodation in general in the Eternal City is pretty pricey so we were still at the cheaper end of the spectrum. A 10€ deposit for a towel however, is excessive in any city.
We were both weary, tired and hungry, so we settled for a pizza at the restaurant next to the hostel. My friend Monica who had given me brilliant tips for my trips to Budapest and Milan had told me not to eat anywhere near Termini - but when needs must...

We hit the sack straight after dinner hoping to get a good night's

St. Peter's Basilica & Square

The home of Catholicism.

sleep but it didn't really happen as the American guys in our dorm all left early in the morning to catch trains, waking us up in the process.
One of the bastards nicked my towel too, meaning I lost my absurdly priced 10€ deposit - not cool.
They did provide a hot tip though - when talking to them the night before, they had recommended doing an organised tour of the Vatican with a company called Rome-ing Tours. Their Canadian guide Weston apparently was a bit of a hoot, but knew his shit and explained everything in typical North American style, complete with young-person-speak. We would be seeing a lot of things at the Vatican, so it would probably help to have someone telling us exactly what we are looking at.

We meet Weston and his tour group outside the Basilica of St Mary of the Angels and Martyrs, located about a ten minute walk from the hostel in Plaza della Repubblica.
He turned out to be exactly like what the American guys had described of him - loud, confident and humorous. With him was his assistant for the day, a petit Canadian girl called Monica who he proceeded

Castel Sant'Angelo

Hadrian's mausoleum. The bridge leading up to it is the Ponte Sant'Angelo.

to take the mickey out of all day, encouraging us to do likewise.
It was a hot day - yet we had to wear jeans or else we wouldn't be let into the Vatican. SO HOT.

Literally cramming ourselves into a public bus that took us to the Vittorio Emanuelle II Bridge, we sat by the Tiber River while Weston explained to us the historical background of what we were to see at the Vatican today.
Quick history lesson:
Jesus dies; his best buddy Peter ("they were tight", explained Weston) takes over and decides to go to the most powerful city in the world to spread the word of Christ - Rome; Rome is ruled by a tyrannical, greedy nutjob called Nero ("but his palace was bad-ass") who is blamed for the Great Fire of Rome in 64AD; Nero denies arson and blames the Christians and starts persecuting them; Peter gets crucified upside down; after Nero dies, Christianity becomes more and more popular; Emperor Constantine makes Christianity the official religion of the Empire and builds a church over Peter's grave; Peter becomes St. Peter and is recognised as the first Bishop of Rome - in other words, the first

Statues

Statues such as this contributed to the spiritual atmosphere that exists inside St. Peter's Basilica.

Pope; in 1507, work begins on St. Peter's Basilica which replaces the original church built by Constantine.

We then walked over the Bridge of Hadrian, or the Ponte Sant'Angelo, which leads up to the Castel Sant'Angelo, Emperor Hadrian's cylindrical mausoleum. Along the bridge are the statues of ten angels, of which each holds an instrument of the Passion - basically, objects that are related to Jesus's suffering immediately before his crucifixion. For example there is an angel holding a nail, one holding a cross, one holding a crown of thorns yada yada.
We then got to Via della Conciliazione, the grand avenue that leads up to St. Peter's Square and St. Peter's Basilica.
"That's a pretty bad-ass view", said Weston.

I had been reading Dan Brown's Angels & Demons leading up to this trip which was pretty good at describing parts of Rome and in particular, the Vatican. St. Peter's Square, looked almost exactly as I thought it would. Although not feeling as giddy as I did tracing Jason Bourne's steps in Tangier, I did still feel a small sense of excitement while tracing Robert Langdon's (or Tom Hanks if you prefer) footsteps.
St. Peter's Square is circular rather than square, and is

Vatican Gardens

Rich.

rather vast - Pope Alexander VII wanted it this way so "the greatest number of people can see the Pope give his blessing". There is an obelisk in the middle of the square (the Illuminati are everywhere!) as well as matching fountains either side of it.

Weston then took us to his favourite sandwich shop and gelateria. The gelato was "bad-ass" and cheap despite being located just outside the walls of the Vatican - two massive scoops for 2€.
After Sags held up the whole group while getting his gelato, we finally headed inside the Vatican walls and into the famous Vatican Museums, which are supposedly minted and extensive. Apparently if you look at every exhibit in the museums for one minute each, it would take you three years to see everything.
Weston has been through the museums so many times that he even knew the ticket clerk would give female visitors student prices in exchange for a smile and a wink ("if you want to sell your dignity, go to ticket booth number eight").
Once inside, we gathered outside in a courtyard which had "the most bad-ass view of St. Peter's, ever" that looked over some immaculately kept

Swiss Guards

Apparently Michelangelo designed their uniforms. Not one of his best works. Apparently, the first-ever batch of Swiss Guards marched all the way to Rome from Switzerland.

gardens. You could feel the wealth here.
Weston then sat us down to explain why the Vatican is it's own country (sovereign state).
So another quick history lesson;
When Italy became a united country, the government wanted to rule out of Rome, which was in control of the church, and the church governed all Catholics in Europe from Rome. The Italian government couldn't exactly attack the Vatican since it would anger most of Europe let alone its own citizens, but it needed complete control of Rome - and the church refused to recognise the Italian government, stating that the church needed independence from any political power in order to carry out it's spiritual governance of all Catholics. This left things in a stalemate during which relations between the Italian government and the church became more and more strained. It was all a bit petty and remained this way until a final solution was made in 1929 - which resulted in the creation of the Vatican City as it's own sovereign state.
The agreement is governed by the Lateran Treaty, and is known as the final conciliation - and thus the grand avenue of Via della Conciliazione was created as a

Cortile del Belvedere

Immaculately kept courtyard in the Vatican, home to a spinning globe and a ancient pinecone statue.

symbolic link between the Vatican and Rome, "The Road of the Conciliation".
Weston then also explained why the Vatican City has all these guys in ridiculous-looking, court jester-like uniforms running around it - these are the Swiss Guards who protect the Pope and the Vatican in general and have been doing so for more than 500 years.

After that history lesson, we walked into another courtyard with perfect lawns and a huge revolving globe in the middle of it. The courtyard is the Cortile del Belvedere and the sculpture is the "Sphere Within A Sphere" a sculpture that can be spun around as demonstrated by Adam, a big American guy in our tour group. Another quirky feature of the Cortile del Belvedere is a bronze pinecone statue that dates back to 1AD.
It was here that Weston told us about the extraordinary talent of Michaelangelo, perhaps the greatest artist of all time - a man with extraordinary talent, and extraordinary arrogance to match.
He was a painter, sculptor, poet, architect and engineer - so I guess when you're responsible for the creation of David, the most revered sculpture of all time, and the design of St. Peter's Basilica, I guess you can

Apollo - "The Face"

"Some of you may have heard of the god Apollo, some of you may know him from Rocky".

afford to be a little arrogant.
Weston then waxed lyrical about what he called "the greatest work of art of all time" and how Michelangelo painted this ceiling fresco faster than anyone before him despite having never painted a fresco before, working eighteen hours a day on it. If you get a sore neck looking up, imagine doing it for eighteen hours a day. While painting at the same time. What Weston was talking about, was of course, the Sistine Chapel - which we were about to see.
But first we must walk though all of the Vatican museums before arriving at the big kahuna.
The first area we walk into is a small courtyard lined with sculptures.
Weston points out the two main works of art here; an ancient sculpture of Apollo ("some of you may have heard of the god Apollo, some of you may know him from Rocky") nicknamed "The Face", as the statue's face is supposed to be the epitome of aesthetic perfection; and another ancient sculpture of Laocoon and his sons, which is nicknamed "The Body" as Laocoon's body is often cited as the epitome of the perfect torso ("now that's 'The Situation'").
The museums

What A Ceiling...!

Bein's believin'!

are absolutely rammed with tourists and I end up losing the tour group - so much for having someone telling me about everything I was looking at. While walking through the museums, I tried to find any pocket of space I could, trying not to get swallowed up by the huge swathes of tour groups.
There are all sorts of objects on display; busts, statues, sculptures, sarcophagi, tapestries and paintings among them. My favourite part of the museums was probably the gallery of maps, where every single part of Italy is painted with detail onto the walls of this never-ending hallway. I love maps. The paintings were based on drawings by Ignazio Danti, who apparently drew maps of places without any measurement tools, from high vantage points. His drawings have been proven to be 99%!a(MISSING)ccurate. Impressed as I was with the gallery of maps, what actually impressed me most however, were the frescoes. They were so detailed and they adorned just about every ceiling - they were incredible. And not only that - a lot of the ceilings appeared to be framed and decorated with gold. I thought the Hall of Constantine in the Rafael Rooms was pretty amazing

Gallery Of Maps

There are maps of every part of Italy adorning the walls of this never-ending hallway, but check out that ceiling (and the incessant amount of tourists).

and was almost like a preview of the Sistine Chapel.
The amount of wealth the church has accumulated feels a bit wrong - did you know they own every single Catholic church in the world? That's quite a bit of real estate.
After following countless signs and walking through a whole lot of halls and rooms displaying contemporary paintings, I finally arrive at the main event, the masterpiece - the Sistine Chapel.
I was completely underwhelmed.
I think the reason I felt this way was because everything I saw leading up to the Sistine Chapel was of such a high standard that the Sistine Chapel felt like just more of the same.
Don't get me wrong though, its still a brilliant piece of work - the ceiling is higher, longer and wider than anything else I saw. I don't think it helped though, that the lighting was low and that the ceiling was so high - it meant you struggled to see the detail of the paintings.
You were reminded that this is indeed still a chapel by the Swiss guards who repeatedly shouted "no photo!" and "quiet!". Damn tourists.
Seeing the famous "Creation Of Adam" was pretty cool -

Hall Of Constantine

I couldn't take photos in the Sistine Chapel, but this is probably the closest thing to it.

Weston was at pains to explain that God's and Adam's finger do not actually touch.
Speaking of Weston I finally found the rest of the tour group in the Sistine Chapel - I had actually been ahead of them the whole time.
The tour ended here and Weston bade us goodbye. I really liked his tour and his commentary - OK, so not all of his jokes hit the spot, but he was informative, funny and easy to understand. I've spat out a lot of history in this blog entry and that is because everything Weston said was interesting enough to remember. You could say his tour was bad-ass.

The next thing we did was to go inside St. Peter's Basilica.
I will say without hesitation that it is the most impressive church interior I have ever seen. It was so grand and opulent, and had tourists everywhere, yet it still felt spiritual and still felt like a church. This is the home of Catholicism, it's most important church, and it sure felt like it.
On the way out of St. Peter's, one of my predictions came true - we bumped into Stevie 3, Sheree, Brendan and Kim. It

Crepuscular Rays

Who knew that there is a name for those rays of sunlight that look like they are coming down from heaven?

was always going to happen. They were on their way to the Spanish Steps and invited us along so we thought we might as well join them en route back to the hostel. Then Sheree and Kim then decided to 'pop' into a clothes shop - cue beers with Stevie 3 and Brendan to pass the time. It was good beer - nice and cold after a day walking around in the heat.
As we enjoyed our beer, the most curious thing happened - a huge peloton of cyclists came riding through the street we were sitting next to, all shouting and waving flags. It turns out it was a Critical Mass ride. This was a pretty huge one - there were hundreds of riders participating, blocking up the entire road. Then they just stopped, holding up traffic and infuriating motorists. I think they were trying to promote cycling and were lobbying for better protection of cyclists on the road - I can't be sure, because everything was in Italian.
After finishing our beers, Sags and I decided to go back to the hostel as we (OK, I) had a pressing concern...

To find out what it was, read the