The more I visit the more I'm changing to a Republican (Plus the Pigeon Theory revisited!)

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I’m not sure if my heading can be put towards one particular thing but for some reason as an Australian who voted “No” in 1999 Referendum for Australia to become a Republic. I can’t help but feel more inclined now to vote “Yes” next time round and I get this urge the more I come and visit the UK.

For those who are unaware, Australia is still part of the Commonwealth and a Republican is someone who wants our nation to become independent from Britain’s bosom. Much debate goes on back home as to when the next chance to vote will happen. As of yet it is unknown.

There were many reasons why I didn’t vote “Yes” last time. One and the biggest reasons was I really don’t care – ‘Republic is just a word’ was and still is sometimes my opinion. But every time I enter this country I always feel unwelcome by immigration. Even when I had a working visa they’d be bastards or bitches to me. So even years ago I started getting this urge.

Another reason for me voting “No” was the actual campaign was not explained well to me, a then 18 year old voting for the first time for anything adult related. I do remember them saying; “We should vote “yes” so we as Australians can have our own head of state. Not some lady from the other side of the world that we can’t choose. We should be able to choose our own head of state.” But from my understanding it was the politicians that would get the say not the people. So that didn’t sound attractive at the time.

Another key thing that got me was that most of the people talking on the TV commercials were all these sports stars and actors saying basically. “Hi I’m so ‘n’ so and I am a big star overseas. I am going to be voting Yes to become a Republic so for my prestige when I go back to America I can proudly say, “I am from the Republic of Australia.” So vote Yes! For my benefit.” I thought “F! Off! Who are you to tell me what to do? No screw you.” So I voted No. I have always thought one day I’ll swing and I think now is the time.

I get really frustrated when I hear Americans say “Put another shrimp on the barbie” or “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.” This is 1970’s stuff and some of the people that are saying this are people who were born in the late 80’s. Just last week I read that Australia and US are the closest of allies and when our Prime Minister and Obama met up in a school classroom they had the customary Vegemite joke. “Awful” Obama was quoted.

But America can be forgiven since we are just “friends” but what about the Brits? They are our “family” yet have no idea who we are now. Fosters is on at least one tap in nearly every bar. And their current commercial where ‘Deano’ (UK guy) calls up two ocker Australians living in a shed on the beach (presumably in Australia) and asks them about what the regulations on putting sunscreen on his mates back are. This causes the two Aussies to reply back in a very thick Australian accent that most of us don’t have anymore. They go through all our slang words, which eventually leads to the catch phrase for the series of commercials as “FOSTERS. GOOD CALL!”
Here’s the link:

Now I am not saying that that is not Australians but there is more to us and I think that the UK has kind of forgotten that. People know more about Peter Andre, the Minougues and Rolf Harris than Australians do. And they mould their opinion on these people who gradually get influenced by the British culture. So from not caring 12 years ago I now am switching and found many other reasons for Australia to move on.

I arrived at the time Six Nations Rugby began and what a sickening advertisement for the running game. How can Australia be connected to not only England but Scotland and Wales when they can’t even catch a ball! I don’t know how they can do it (the supporters). It really is not that hard to pass a ball slightly in front of the running man so it hits his chest before the advantage line. No, no The Brits can’t help but pass the ball behind the man running. meaning the guy alters his run, drops the ball and the play stops. I just think we can’t be associated with that ineptitude.

Another thing is how much people in the UK hate the Royal Family. Most people are excited by the extended public holidays more so than the wedding in April. I still in a way don’t really care but when you hear things like this. It makes you start to wonder.

I met up with my sister Eleni and her boyfriend David in London where we went to the best kebab in the world. Teza in between Queensway and Bayswater. But we’ll get to that later. We headed off to Wales for a long weekend and even the Welsh are rejuvenating their language. Signs up in both languages. Sometimes it’s hard to tell one name from the other.

We hired a car for the few days and I was in charge of the map most of the time. Welsh maps are the most too scale maps ever! Every village you try to direct to and before you know it the driver is confirming “we are there already” and its time to look at the map again for the next town. But that didn’t matter, as it was pretty bad weather.

We spent the first night in St David’s (which David took full advantage of by indicating that David in the name is for him). A real beautiful spot but when we arrived at 6pm nothing was open and we’re told that only 2 hotels will probably be open around this time of the year. That news would have hurt the bank balance years ago.

The further north of England you realise that we are connected to a country that has a very dumb female population (some). I will always remember back in 2003 when in Leeds near the train station after exiting a nightclub with a revolving dance floor. This girl with no jacket and the shortest skirt I have ever seen in almost sub zero conditions stood there shivering like she belonged in Communist’s worst hours - Her lips blue. It was a sight that mixes comedy with disbelief. I heard that Newcastle can out do that effort so I headed there.

But in truth it is everywhere. I was there in February and people were dressed for June. I was told it was so they don’t have to line up for coats at the end of the night. I’m sorry that doesn’t make sense to me. Still it is entertaining watching these girls trying to look sexy whilst shivering with the wind brushing past their goosebumps.

Whilst in Newcastle I saw a local music magazine, which had Australian band Grinspoon on the cover. I flicked through and read the article. It starts off with “Calum Robson checks out some new Aussie talent…” These guys have been around since 1995. I thought the UK would have put some interest and research. This just added to my suspicion that the UK really don’t know anything about us apart from 1970’s stereotype.

There is one thing that the UK and Australia have close ties with and that’s Rugby League. Mainly because hardly any other country plays the sport so there’s no other choice. I was in Cardiff for the start of the season called Millennium Magic where every team plays at Millennium stadium for Round 1. I ended up seeing 3 games and saw some of the Australians playing for a healthy retirement package in the twilight of their careers. Michael Vella was captain of Hull KR. Clinton Schivkovski kicked at goal quicker than ever! The style of play was like it was in Australia 20 years ago. Plenty of cheap shots and fights, a bit of backline play and some scumbag supporters.

Before Newcastle and after Cardiff I stopped off at York. I was having a 2 minute curry where you order and they put the curry in the microwave for 2 minutes. I was put under pressure by the local man behind the counter when he said. “2 minutes doesn’t seem long but some customers don’t talk. So 2 minutes can be a very long time.” He spoke about the chocolate factory’s that have come and gone. How the walls only cover 3 sides of the city because one side was just marshland during the time the Romans built it.

He also talked about the lack of jobs here and the cheap labour. I saw a sign advertising for a temp job. Paying 6.50 pounds per hour. That is $11 an hour. Also I could get about $7 an hour better for the job I do back home in Australia than in the UK at the moment. I even said it to the immigration officer when I arrived. He indicated that I am 30 (Wrong on 2 counts: I’m not 30 yet and I’m 24 based on the theory from the first blog for JP5.) and that I am suspect for working here illegally. I informed that “there would be no point me working here when the Australian dollar is going far better than the pound. It would be pointless me working here when the wages are better at home.”

UK is really struggling at the moment. When I was here for a work visa 8 years ago I was on 5.50 with rent covered and food. It seems like wages have stayed stagnant whilst the pound has gone weaker. I put this down to the Pigeon Theory that I have tried to promote to the world on the odd occasion. I have always said after my hangover laying on a beach in Dubrovnik in 2004 and seeing pigeons walk by… on a beach. “Look to the pigeon for an idea of the character and especially the economic stability of a country. You can really tell how well a country is doing. Look at the condition of the feathers. Does the coat shine? How healthy does the pigeon look. Does it eat well? They maybe rats with wings but if a place is not doing well a pigeon will move on. Just look at Albania!”

Now I have become aware of the UK’s plight and I discovered it 2 years ago! Back then I saw signs at Trafalgar Square encouraging to not feed the pigeons anymore. Two years on and the same signs are still there and there’s a lack of pigeons. In 2003/4 I saw and took photos of Britain’s healthy economy in the form of plump clean coated pigeons living life to the fullest. But what I saw this year was a clear indication that the pigeons are fully aware that future stability is not in London. All I’m saying is that the UK need not to look for a new job. Don’t blame the government, just blame the local council in charge of Trafalgar Square. Just bring back the pigeons already and everything else will fit into place!

I met an Australian whilst in York who is just starting his work visa. I asked him what his thoughts were now he’s come over and the pound is so weak. His only response was “Yeah, Fuck!” When I first came over in 2003 the dollar was 2.8 to the pound. Now its 1.5! How can we, as Australians, be associated with such a weakening economy?

York had character which some of the UK cities lack and since nearly every town seems to have a university I managed to go out to many bars with uni students. One night I asked for a water as I felt I’ve had my share, lets just enjoy the rest of the evening. Being responsible at a bar on a Monday must be unusual because the bar lady didn’t have a clue how to react. She decided to take the credit and says to the other barman "This guys barred don’t serve him any more alcohol, only water." I said "What? Are you kidding? Because I asked for a water I’m not allowed to get any more alcohol?” I than commented to the other barman. "Look you need to be aware that she shouldn't get the credit for giving me this water. I asked for it myself. I'm fine to not get served anymore alcohol but she shouldn't have taken the credit.” A point is a point and I made a fair one there.

I went up to Edinburgh my home for 6 months back in 2003 during my work visa days. It was my first time back and I just can’t falter Edinburgh as a place. It is easily one of the greatest cities in the world. If I were able to get a job there for a few years I’d take it.

I did however go through a tough period in my life here when 7 years earlier I received a phone message from my dad saying that my mother was not doing well. I should come home she doesn’t have much time left. I still remember the corner I was on when I listened to that message. I was on the corner of Princes st and Waverly Bridge. This moment would be the start of me changing my outlook on life. I wanted to go back to that spot, to reflect on the past 7 years, reminisce a bit and move on.

I went there as soon as I arrived with my backpack and who is there to tell me to move on already. A man with bagpipes and it wasn’t that emotional type sound of the Irish bagpipe. It was that happy go lucky sound of the Scottish bagpipe. I went back there three times to be rejected from reflecting by a different bagpipe player, each time! I would only get my chance at 430am whilst walking to the coach station when I left and at that time, at any time of year, in Edinburgh, that’s just too cold to hang around.

I am a Hearts of Midlothian supporter in the Scottish Premier League so my Edinburgh visit was scheduled to co-inside with a Hearts home game at Tyncastle. I love telling Scottish people why I’m a Hearts supporter so it’s about time I tell you to. See my house is on Lothian Street and the name of the house is Midlothian. So one day when I was a kid playing playstation I flicked through the Scottish Premier league teams trying to find Rangers or Celtic and what pops up? Hearts of Midlothian! I have been hooked ever since.

In 2003 I saw them play Rangers and lost 4-0 so this time I was determined that they should win. Otherwise I won’t see them ever again as I am just bad luck. In 3rd and pushing Rangers for 2nd on the table. I felt a clash against Dundee Utd should see me watch Hearts first goal and win.

I went to the Hearts store and bought a home and away strip. The away was last years for 3 pounds. I felt that you have to wear the team’s colours to be a true supporter.

The quality of the game was ordinary with Hearts conceding a corner of their own will than going down 1-0 soon after. This is in the first 10 minutes. Hearts than found it hard to throw the ball in for the whole first half. So I’m thinking I am a dud. At the stroke of half time we score a scrappy goal.

The second half was no better and than we score a winner in the 88th min. 4 minutes injury time and Hearts try and push for an unnecessary 3rd. In the 4th minute they lose possession of the ball on the half way line and give away a penalty. Our guy gets red carded. Dundee guy steps up. Crowd were calling him 'BEAST!" all game. He kicks, the keeper saves, the ball goes back to the penalty taker and he shins it over the bar. Keepers goal kick, the whistle blows and it was game over. It was like "OOOOOHHHH FOKIN SHITE! YEAH! YEEEAAAHHH! Whistle YYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH! Gotta love Scottish Premier League even when the game is shit they still know how to entertain.

I met up with some friends from my travels in Edinburgh and one William the Scot from Ethiopia days invited me to do a jujitsu class he teaches. It is amazing how unfit you are when you backpack. It can be a bit demoralising when they say “take on the females Drew” and then they throw you around like a rag doll and do submissions on you and more than once. But still good to get the blood flowing again.

I found February a frustrating time to travel in the UK you can never wear the same amount of layers of clothing in one day. I just don’t understand why the tube trains always have to have the temperature 20 degrees hotter than outside when all passengers are wearing thick winter clothing. The same thing with shops but that is probably for the workers. It just doesn’t make sense.

My final stop before visiting London again was Liverpool where I saw the Europa League Round of 32 clash of the 2nd leg between Liverpool and Sparta Prague. Standing in the Kop they put the music of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ on and I got a massive lump in my throat half way through. I took a deep breath to swallow the lump, held back the tears and than kept singing. I’ve been a Liverpool supporter since I was 5 maybe younger but still I don't know where that came from. The game was dour but saw Kuyt score the winner so all was good.

It’s one thing that happens rarely in Australian sport the total passion for a team. In Newcastle the train station at St James Park is decked out in all black and white with football moments plastered all over. In the bars after the game the Liverpool supporters sing songs. We are just not those type of characters. We are different.

Back in London we heard that Grinspoon were playing at the Shepherds Bush Walkabout for 2 pounds to farewell their tour. And it is always easy to predict a UK invader by their singing club songs in the bar, which happened at the Walkabout prior to Grinspoon coming on. I wonder what they would have thought about Australia’s ‘newest act’?

David said with snakebite in hand after two songs. “If they play anything from the first album I’m going in.” Than ‘1000 miles’ came on and we layer my sister with jackets, dump my drink into her drink and what do you know by the end of the just over 2 minute song we have started a mosh pit!!

On a high after the gig we decided that our time for the Walkabout was over and headed on the tube. We needed to get through 7 or 9 stops to change for Finsbury Park. We are on the central line (red) and come up towards Queensway and David decides to discuss the best kebab in the world. The hottest girl I have ever seen willing to discuss about kebabs on the tube chimes in (I think she was Australian) and all of a sudden through David’s heightened voice we have a whole tube intrigued about this kebab! The guy with the glasses to the right of me (who was trying to figure out the whereabouts of this kebab on the tube map), the couple opposite and to the left both discussed amongst one another with Eleni providing directions. David’s informing everyone to “do yourself a favour” whilst I am providing photographic evidence via my digital camera. Also informing, “I’ve waited since 2004 to re-taste this kebab and it is still that good!” David was really getting into the conversation saying; ““It’s not just the taste of the shwarmer. If you want more salad, you can get more salad. It’s the whole experience!” The passengers are not all talking but they are listening. They are intrigued!

Everyone was intrigued accept some bloke next to Eleni who was coming down from his high earlier in the evening and called David a “drunk twat.” Eleni said, “Calm down it’s just a bit of fun what’s your problem.” David who didn’t hear him say that word was like “No! People on the tube need to start lightening up.” I joined in after he said David “shouldn’t be talking on the tube.” “Why can’t people talk to communicate on the tube? Isn’t it better to communicate this way instead of these long winded advertisements inside the tube?” (I love bringing in a comment that’s from left field.) These ads are ridiculous they are almost as long as this blog entry!!

I also informed that if he “didn’t want to risk having people talk in public than he should have taken a taxi. That’s what taxis are for.” He than said that “he’s talking about - curse word – kebabs.” I said (and collaborated with the hottest girl ever to talk about a kebab on the tube) “But this is the hour to talk about it! It’s almost 1 in the morning! There is no better time to talk about a kebab than on Friday at 1am. This is our moment! Come on man. It’s not all that bad?” He then mumbled “What would you guys know about how to speak to people on the tube when you don’t live here. Maybe you should just go home where you belong.” Eleni and David say “But we do. We do live here!” It was soon our stop to change for Finsbury Park and as David exits he says in a very comical voice “Wake up to yourself and get yourself a kebab!”

Next tube and again David is sitting next to the 2nd best looking girl willing to talk about a kebab. She couldn’t help but react to our continued conversation now 8 stops in. Enlightening yet another tube ride.

This is just another scene that Australians are completely out of touch with the UK lifestyle. So whenever the day comes and Australia will get to vote for a Republic I will look back to these times of differences and hope that some celebrity doesn’t promote the cause, causing me to change my vote. And even if that is the case I will always look back at the way the UK people have accepted the treatment of their pigeon population during the Global Economic crises and think ‘No, no. That’s it! I do have to care about this now. I’m voting ‘Yes.’

But in truth I really don’t care…

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Comments

[Nick Taylor]

Drew, as an American, I salute your stance completely and look forward to the day Australia becomes fully independent from Mummy Britain ;-)

[anonymous]

Monarchy is soooo outdated !
So Yes for me too ! :) ... J. from Oz !