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Published: September 1st 2007
Yesterday was a monumental day. Much to the relief of everyone around me, I finally bought a rucksack. After some more procrastinating and needless anxiety, I decided that enough was enough, and bravely marched into a shop and made my choice within ten minutes. (Mind you, the only reason I actually managed to commit to the purchase was the reassurance of the sales clerk that I could bring the item back at any point and get a full refund). It feels like I have passed the final pre-departure hurdle, in particular as I received my visas yesterday, and I am getting insanely excited at the fact that I am leaving these shores in a few short days.
I spent the last week in Suffolk, where I trained my heroic accountant to take over the management of my publishing company (or, what's left of it). This was another major letting go, as I set up the company fourteen years ago in a tiny little bedroom in East London. After those humble beginnings (ah, those were the days of tape trading and letter writing!) I moved into big offices a couple of years later, employed several people, managed around twenty bands - until I had enough in 1999 and closed the active part of the company down at the height of its success. Two years ago, I left my last office, and worked again from a spare bedroom at home. Walking away from my accountant's office after the last training day had finished felt really weird. This was it: I was free of that responsibility, of needing to be in the country - something I had yearned for for quite a few years. Yet, apart from relief and a sense of achievement, I also felt a lot of sadness; it was a bit like giving up a child for adoption, albeit a very grown-up one! Whilst in Suffolk, I thought a lot of that process of waxing and waning. We start something, nurture it, it grows bigger and stronger, until it is let time to go of it - and then it naturally ebbs away. And how good that feels, if it's done completely and not prematurely.
As I was driving back home, I listened to a free CD by the Barefoot Doctor in my car. He said something very interesting, about living life like a fairytale character, and how all you have to do is to follow your passion, your fascination, and things will just fall into place. Synchronicities will arise, and opportunities will come your way. I always felt this to be true - whenever I followed my heart's desire, my curiosity, my passion, I have always been rewarded in the most incredible ways. And, more often than not, the things that everyone else advised me not to do always turned out to be the best - even if at times I fell flat on my face trying! Fortune favours the brave, I guess! I'm also learning to trust the Universe more, letting go of my agendas and vision of how I want things to be, and just follow the flow.
On my way to Suffolk, I visited my amazing friend and wise woman, Tara of Wise Moon (http://wisemoon.blogspot.com)
. After a walk in the beautiful countryside, she felt inspired to give me a crystal egg for my journey. She said she didn't know why but that it felt important somehow, and added with a cautious smile that the last person she had given such an egg to was now married with a baby or two. Hm!
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