Latin American Johnslaught #12 - ...And Back Again


Advertisement
United Kingdom's flag
Europe » United Kingdom » England » Surrey » Sutton
September 18th 2011
Published: October 3rd 2011
Edit Blog Post

Total Distance: 0 miles / 0 kmMouse: 0,0

From Houston to London via Latin America


Deep in thoughtDeep in thoughtDeep in thought

Pondering my trip, the day before leaving Quito for home.
"There came a girl from France
Who didn't know how to dance
The only thing that she could do
Was knees up Mother Brown

Oh, knees up Mother Brown
Knees up Mother Brown
Knees up, knees up, never let the breeze up,
Knees up Mother Brown"
Knees Up Mother Brown, (Traditional)


"The streets are full of goths and geeks,
I haven't seen my mum for weeks
But coming home I feel like I
Designed these buildings I walk by"
'Station Approach', Elbow (Leaders of the Free World, 2005)


And on Tuesday 13th September walk I did, all the way from Carshalton Station, having caught the train from Victoria, having jumped on the London Underground from Heathrow (nice bit of rush hour commuting to attend with), having gently rocked on my haunches and dribbled on a plane from Houston, having got up to catch an initial plane from Quito in Ecuador at the unseemly hour of 2.45am.

I turned the corner of my road at 10am, just over 20 hours later and was greeted with the unwelcome sight of a yellow camper van parked right outside my house. I knew what this meant immediately. It was
Brookfield Park, CarshaltonBrookfield Park, CarshaltonBrookfield Park, Carshalton

Walking back from the station.
the family handyman. And so my plans of Sitting About and watching 'Return of the Jedi' came to an abrupt halt; I was feeling pretty grotty and mental after my flights and was in no mood for small talk. This was my punishment for coming home unannounced to surprise people.

Glancing further up the road, I spied my sister, Elisabeth, scuttling out of her car and in to her house. Elisabeth lives six doors up from my parents, in my Nanna and Granddad's old house. 'My first victim,' I chuckled darkly. I stomped the six houses further up the road to my sister's house and wandered in through the open door. I stood there until Elisabeth began to walk back down the stairs to the hall where I was standing. First she screamed because she thought I was an intruder and then she squealed because she realised it was me. Mission accomplished! I had a very pleasant afternoon with Elisabeth and my nieces, Felicity and Isla, all of whom are charmingly mad.

I crashed out at my sister's at about one o'clock in the afternoon and when I woke up four hours later, I was chuffed to see the van gone. I skipped down the road to my house and, with little effort, retrieved my favourite pair of pyjamas (blue tartan pattern winsiette). I poured myself an espresso and whacked on 'Miller's Crossing'. I soon heard keys in the door and my father walked in to find his only son sitting in his arm chair, espresso cup in hand. 'Hello!' I said in my best Terry Thomas accent. Mum wandered in to the house to find us both chatting away in the kitchen. She made similar squealing sounds to my sister.

And so I began to Do the Rounds...

I first met up with ex-work chums and suprised my old boss to a satisfying degree. I drank loads of Guiness and it was a lovely warm evening with lots of laughs. I fell asleep on the way home, ended up in Horsham and had to get my parents to bail me out £70 for a cab.

I spent the next came two weekends in the West Country. The first was a fond reunion with Christian with my oldest friend, Matt Scott, in tow. Christian was having a house warming party which was jolly good fun. Then we met up with my friends Kate and Dan and we had a lovely, quiet evening catching up after all this time.

The following weekend I came back to see my friends Cathy and Philip. Christian and I went to stay the night. We got there earlyish and, having bought something to drink, strolled down the pub for a couple of pints. The weather was wonderfully autumnal and bright. We wandered back again and set about making a mushroom and ale pie. We generally like to make themed pies and often opt for rather puerile themes. Bearing in mind this pie was to feature in this final edition, we decided to make it so my Mum wouldn't get upset. We opted for a pair of tits. Hilariously, they were birds (as in the Blue, Great, Long-Tailled varieties). This was not only safe in terms of rudeness but my parents are also fond of bird watching. After dinner I introduced them to dominoes and had my first game in the UK. Then, tucked away in Cathy and Philip's lounge, we read out horrid true life stories from three editions of Take A Break. This has been a guilty pleasure for a good many years because we are gleefully snobbish. Shortly afterwards, Christian fell asleep and shortly after that Cathy went to bed which left me and Philip ranting away about all the wrongs in the world and generally getting a fair amount out of our system. Subjects included art, conformity, films, more art, literature, boring people being predictable as well as boring and art.

As the weeks and weekends unfolded, more chaos ensued and an irritating October heatwave also occured which was wholey uncomfortable. Former travelling companion, Anja, invited me to a roller disco and, like a mug, I went and became very sweaty indeed. I also met up with my friends Kate and Liam with whom I had fallen out whilst living in an ill advised shared house in Bristol some time ago. It was truly lovely seeing them after so long because I had missed them a great deal.

Meanwhile, a strange new bond was being formed between a motley crew of six people. Upon my return and initial meet up with ex-colleague chaps, I had been automatically pulled in to the welcoming bosom of Quentin Tarantuesdays. Every Tuesday, Brendan, Nick, Kelly and I would descend upon Matt and Gill's house where we would eat dinner and watch a film. This had been started by Gill and her friend Kelly and grew to include Gill's boyfriend Matt, other work stawlart, Brendon and Gill's friend Nick. I joined as member number six. We all hit it off swimmingly and more often than not the night would descend in to debauched insanity.
______________________________________________________________________

So what have I learnt from all this travelling malarkey? From my own experiences and from those of others, I can tell you this:
- When travelling with a lady you tend to spend less, see more (culture, sights etc) and remain more sober - loosely speaking. You also tend to field LOTS of questions with regards to decisions around food and travel arrangements. A double-edged sword, then.

- When travelling with one or more man, you tend to spend towering sums of money, stay in one place for a very long time only to suddenly bolt at great speed (often through entire countries) to somewhere else where you are more than likely to stay for a very long time. You will also be constantly drunk. Another double-edged sword.

- You will get through anything between zero and five cameras.

- Fleetwood Mac churned out a surprising amount of hits.

- It's best not to put too much stock in to farewells, for you'll only see the blighters again further down the road.

- If you don't already - and I'm sure you do - whack on a spot of sun protection from time to time.

- Often hostels are festooned with tidbits of whack insight ('Only you have the power to follow your dreams and make yourself happy' etc.). Pack some retorts ('Smile first thing in the morning and get it over with' by W.C. Fields caused considerable alarm from one fellow traveller. 'But you should smile all day, man!' he gasped. I later noticed him smiling whilst smoking weed and I promptly reported him to the staff who ejected him from the hostel, naked and shivering, after which he was attacked by a roaming band of street dogs).

- Avoid getting in to cars with strangers, particularly when your intended destination is less than ten minutes away by cab and the journey roughly equates to fifty pence in cost. My thanks to Anja for vividly highlighting the consequences of doing so.

- Be wary of musical recommendations from people who like The Avalanches, Fat Freddy's Drop and the Thievery Corporation amongst others... Baby Mammoth is another one (this I already knew).

- There's no harm in packing more than one pair of spare earphones. Good earphones are invariably cheaper in the UK than in Latin America because of the cost of importing them. You can be all smug when you tell your friends that you're earphones are broken... BUT you have, like, two more pairs so it's fine.

Highlights then... I have many; this was a truly successful trip. In no particular order:

- Meeting so many ace people in general, of course, but Hostel Quetzal in Cancun was an invaluable source of excellent people right at the start of my trip.
- Diving the cenotes in Mexico with Steve and that crazy Argentine.
- Seeing sharks whilst diving in Belize (saving grace of the place).
- My Birthday during which I won at darts and beat resident pool shark, Andy 'Dufresne' Bacot, at pool.
- Guatemala takes the prize as Best Country visited for beauty, good times and locals.
- Living with a Guatamalteco family and an evil Japanese spy, learning Spanish in my beloved Xela.
- The Posto Rojo Treehouse hostel in Nicuragua... monkeys all over the shop and a good time every night. Personal highlight, sitting about one night and watching Trainspotting. Also, introducing the nightlife of the jungle to Aphex Twin's Selected Ambient Works 85-92 (thanks Ben, for both of those highlights... genius)
- The Naked Tiger hostel, also in Nicuragua. Amazing setting, amazingly run and a cleanly refuge after the tree house.
- Punta Uva, near Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. Epic day of supreme brilliance with TJ.
- Getting a rather large tattoo of the Philippines on my arm.
- Cocktails at Trump Tower, Panama City
- Quito in Ecuador... stunning to look at, if nothing else.
- Writing these blogs and being pleased to find that people have read them.

Things I didn't enjoy:

- Caye Caulker, Belize... completely crap and overrated in almost every way possible.
- Colombia (whilst noting that I only saw two places)
- General loss of items but one gets used to such things.
- Reggae being played EVERYWHERE. See also reggaeton. Also the Black Eye Peas can do the other as well.

I feel it necessary to mention some names by way of thanks because I asked around and I apparently can't credit the truly excellent time I have had solely to myself. To thank, then:

- All of my travelling companions, really, but those who have helped, protected and amused me the most include (in rough, chronological order) Stacey; Jennie; Steve; the rest of the Wolf Pack that was Ben, TJ, Andy; Anja; Catherine and Leigh; Amy and Tim and last but by no means least, those nasty boys working for the Secret Garden in Quito - Chris, Fin and Scott. You have all been excellent soundboards, jolly good fun and irritatingly successful and plucking me from long brooding sessions in hammocks. Or chairs. Or beds... they're always a good place for a good, solid brood.

- My friends at home whom helped me out a lot before I came away and have encouraged me, using various different and often very subtle methods unbeknownst even to themselves, to go on this trip. So beers to you Christian (still the biggest inspiration for the whole shebang), Matt Scott (I shall redeem that punch in the face if I haven't already), Philip and Cathy, Kate and Dan, Justine and Marc, Gabi and Mike, Matt Miller, Kate Moorman and the Team Awesome that included: Gill, Matt, Bren and Sam - those delightful work cats really did themselves proud, supplying support lashes, piss-takings, t-shirts and absolute silence when necessary.

- The entire Weeden/Oxenham/Begg/Evangelista collective. My love to the whole of that big, lovely bunch and all they ride with (there's hundreds of the blighters).

- Penultimately, it is highly necessary to thank my long suffering, ever concerned family. The Aged Ps, Elisabeth, Richard (probably less worried) and my delightfully barmy, wriggling nieces Felicity and Isla (definitely not worried). I wouldn't have got back from Asia, remained sane for nine months (actually I wasn't sane at all... I was barking mad as you well know) and been able to nip off again in such a suave manner without you all. I love you dearly.

- Lastly we come to my truly wonderful Nanna who passed away last summer and who I miss very much indeed. She was such a warm and hilarious lady, bursting with love and kindness and would have probably found a lot of my stories about this trip bemusingly funny. This trip would have not been possible without her because I funded it with my inheritance (I could have also saved but I spent all the money I earnt on going out and having a nice time... it was a difficult nine months). So, the biggest 'just a small glass, dear' to raise must to be raised to Vera Waters. I know that her and Granddad and the rest of the Old Set will be engaging in a hearty Knees Up Mother Brown as we speak.


Additional photos below
Photos: 49, Displayed: 31


Advertisement

Halfway through stripping the paint.Halfway through stripping the paint.
Halfway through stripping the paint.

Cathy and Philip's door goes all Van Gough.


Tot: 0.055s; Tpl: 0.015s; cc: 7; qc: 26; dbt: 0.0313s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1; ; mem: 1.1mb