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Published: August 6th 2007
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Me and Gareth
Me, my mum and Gareth on a family holiday in Turkey *Warning* - This blog is long and involves some very personal feelings that I've never expressed to anyone. If you're not interested in this then I suggest you don't read on, otherwise it would be a good idea for you get a comfy chair, a brew and biscuit and settle in....
I'd like to say that I acquired my lust for travel from an inspirational book or a well made film...but in reality it was from something very different to a lot of other travellers...M.E/C.F.S.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what has influenced me to want to travel and I couldn't look back on my short (but quite eventful) life and pinpoint the exact time when I thought "Yes! I would like to go around the world!" But I have come to the conclusion that it was during the time I was suffering with M.E, particularly when I was bed bound...and for that I am surprisingly grateful.
M.E has been a part of my life for the past 9 years, and we have a strange and complex relationship. In some ways I despise it (as expected) for taking away my brother's childhood, for stopping us
Jet Ski
Me and Gareth living life to the max on a jet ski in Tunisia Jet Ski
Me and Gareth living life to the max on a jet ski in Tunisiaboth from leading "normal" teenage lives and for affecting our parents. BUT I certainly don't feel bitter towards it, for it has given us both many things that perhaps we wouldn't have had without it. It has made our brother/sister relationship stronger than perhaps it ever would have been otherwise. It has made our whole family stronger and tested our strength of character, and mainly it has made both Gareth and I determined to succeed...so we can someday turn around, stick two fingers up at M.E. and say "Ha! You couldn't get the better of me!"
It was during the difficult time of suffering with "the invisible illness" that I decided I wanted to travel. The longer I was stuck in my bed, the more I wanted to get out. I didn't just want to be able to go into the garden to get some air or just about manage to walk to the "Spring Meadows" sign and back....I wanted to see the world!! The more I was in the house, the more I was thinking about all the exciting things I could see, all the things I could do and all the people I could meet. It was this dream, along with the support of my family, that gave me the strength to fight the M.E. Okay...so there was going to be some obstacles along the way...the fact that I was in a wheelchair, the fact that I didn't have £10,000 stashed away and wasn't well enough to work, but I didn't let that deter me. I started planning where I would like to go, what I would like to do and places I would like to see....my mum thought it was another one of my "projects" as she called it and this one would soon wear off. But I was determined not to let the M.E win.
Some people don't understand why I want to travel....they clearly tell me that I should be going straight to University and starting my career. But for me, travelling is something that is a personal quest....it doesn't matter if people understand it or not...I'm doing it for me. I've already overcome so many of the obstacles...I'm no longer in my wheelchair and I've been working over the weekends for the past 18 months to save up...so we're nearly there. Another 6 months and hopefully we'll be off.
I'd love to be able to say that Gareth and I have already won our battle against M.E. but we're not quite there yet. We both still get a kick up the backside if we don't pace ourselves....but the point is that we're nearly there. Gareth is now Deputy Manager of T.V Licensing after not attending school since the age of 13 and only holding 3 G.C.S.E's. What an achievement!! We're all so proud of him. As for me, travelling probably won't make anyone else feel particularly proud of me, but if I manage to achieve it...I'll feel proud of myself.
So the next 6 months are going to be busy ones....both Stu and I are now moving back in with my parents, so we can save up. Stu is working full time and very hard to assure that we can go in January. I'm planning on working part time so I don't relapse again before we go. There is going to be a lot of planning involved...Stu knows it's best to leave that up to me
If you've made it down to this part....well done and thank you for reading this. It's been difficult for me to express these feelings as I normally keep them inside. Hopefully the rest of the blogs from now on will be a lot more upbeat.....so until next time.
Love Michelle x
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Krystyna
non-member comment
Follow your dreams and everything is possible!!!!!
Dear Michelle I thoroughly enjoyed reading your newsletter and being a friend I have watched you and Gareth struggle over the years. I am so proud of you both and wish you both continued happiness for the future. I am a great believer in fate and that we make our lives what they are. Follow your dreams and make them real. I was 15 when I met Mike (my husband of 19 years) and I also had a dream to travel. At nearly 17 years old we flew to Florida/Bahamas (family too thought we were mad saving up for over a year) and ever since had the travel bug. The passion for travel and led us to emigrate to Australia. We have been here two years and have just sent in our application to become Australian Citizens. So if you have the desire to travel, do it, have fun, it is worth every minute, who knows what doors it will open! Keep pacing yourself, be happy and continued happiness will follow. Love from Krystyna