Memoirs of a Best Man

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Memoirs of a Best Man

Although other engagements had fitted in nicely, the primary reason for my trip back had been Pauls wedding. I can remember quite clearly talking to Paul two and half years ago before he was going to propose and then his stipulation that not only keep the 07/07/07 free but to be prepared to be Best Man. Back then it had sounded ages away and even though I had made my plans to come to Australia i really didn’t have any idea where I would be in the world.

Being Australia, as i’ve already blogged, you have to miss out on stuff but Pauls stag doo was one of hardest so far especially being the best man. I was slightly consoled our impromptu but tame ‘secondary stag’ doo the on Thursday. After strict instructions by Tracy it was a relief to hear Pauls voice on Friday morning.

The Day Before

The Grooms party was to rendezvous on Friday night in Ware at a secondary hotel. Paul never short of organisation had created an itinerary worthy of a quest for world domination. It spanned the two days broken down in five minute intervals and even had 20min slot for the groom to run over the masterpiece with us. I arrived by car but the others had all met at Liverpool street and had taken the train up. Seeing their faces for the first time the reality of the next day started to become apparent. Present; Paul (the groom), Inga (ever enduring and supportive ‘super mum’), Rob and I (the two best men), Michael and Metal (two of the four ushers). The whole point about Friday day was to relax and be ready for the big day. We found a nice tapas come gastro pub to have Pauls ‘last supper’.... and his reaction to order almost everything off the menu did actually lead to debate whether he actually believed he would not eat again!
Back to the hotel the Best Men and ushers still had some work to do as we constructed montages with our favourite and most embarrassing pictures of Paul to display in the men toilets the following day.

The Wedding Day

Up early the next morning our itinerary had us all going for a relaxed run to get rid of any adrenalin, nerves and anxiety. Wares canal side paths were the perfect calm setting and all four us made it back for a relaxing breakfast.
Things started to get a little more hectic as we all started to get ready. Inga ‘super mum’ extraordinaire had a constant queue of men requiring cravats to be tied, flowers to be pinned and various other outfit adjustments. All guests in check and right on schedule, it was time to take a stroll down to the church. First Best Man Duty...... take care of Pauls ring an easy task but seeing as it wasn’t in a box and misplacement would have great repercussions I must have checked its location every minute. A few photos outside the church and it was time to enter speak to the Priest and get a run down on events.

All briefed and ready we returned to alter to share a few cheeky looks and smiles.... this is it guys!!!! Queue the music and there we had the beautiful bride walking down in front of us followed by the three brides’ maids. I’m not really of the religion ilk but I can appreciate ceremonies & vows and there is something special about seeing one of your best friends vow his future unequivocal allegiance. For the first time but certainly not the last emotions would run high.

In to the priests little office to witness the signatures to make the religious bond legal then exiting following the new Mr & Mrs Chases with a brides maid in hand.
Best man task number 2 keep the wedding certificate safe!!!
Ware has a quintessential English village church with plenty of character and with not a cloud in the sky it was a perfect back drop to showers of confetti as the bride and groom made their way down to prestigious chariots. Despite 2 years of meticulous wedding planning it had only become apparent the week before that Ware was only the venue for our wedding but also another annual festival/parade which required the entire town centres roads to be closed. The wedding procession had been given a window in which they could pass through the town which they caught by the second. Rather being a problem it actually made for something a little special, the entire Ware high street was lined with spectators flags in hand. As the wedding party made it through the town it seemed to resemble something more like a royal wedding. In true Chases style, Paul hung out the window and thanked confused spectators for coming....
Best Man task number 3: Both Rob and I had a list of people without transportation which we were deliver to our reception venue, Hanbury Manor.
Hanbury Manor is a truly amazing venue for a wedding an old manor house set in 200 acres of grand oak trees and a couple of golf courses. The Initial reception drinks were held on main lawn with views of the lake. While the best men were requested to stay t-total, most sipped on the champers while various photo permutations were taken. Unlike previous weddings it was nice that the photos were taken in the other guests company rather than being taken to a satellite location... in keeping with the days intimate feel.
Once the Champagne was drunk the guests were ushered inside to be formerly introduced to the new Mr & Mrs Chases, before taking their seat at their respective tables. Our banquet was to be held in the Chapel wing of Hanbury Manor under a high oak beamed ceiling. It’s about this time as a Best Man that you really start to think about your speech...... The food and wine served was quite sensational but with daunting prospect of speaking to the room becoming ever more immanent it can quite simply turn the stomach. The Lamb shank however was quite divine and the desert scrumptious. It was also the first time I have ever seen Paul turn down food.
The trees where the first audience of the speeches as every performer had a practice run outside.... onlookers would have been slightly bemused with several well dressed men pacing between the trees talking to themselves.
Tracys Dad was the first up and set the bar high. Next was the groom himself. Paul is meticulous in everything he does and it was no surprise that his speech contained both some acute emotion and amusing points. However, as the groom went on to speak about the two best men there seemed a quick role reversal as various traits of our characters where brought to public scrutiny in a pre-emptive attack. Being a Best Man is an incredible honour to bestow on someone, as it says many things. As I sat their listening to Pauls words about our friendship I had a sudden moment of clarity on the situation - Probably like most people I know why I am friends with people but never give why they are friends with me much thought - to here Pauls thoughts on that matter was most overwhelming to say the least. We have gone through a lot together and while I may dance on stages as often as I dance with my extrovert side, to say there is never ‘a dull moment’ is quite a humbling compliment.
Engrossed in Pauls speech, my own performance slot had quite simply crept up on me - briefly removed from the situation reality quickly hit as the master toaster brought down his hammer on wood and announced.
‘Now Ladies and gentleman the Stuart Crosbie the Best man to reply on behalf of the brides maids’
Best Man Task Number 4: The Speech
Taking the floor it was now or never. I’m certainly not a used to public speaking but I did have a few thoughts on my mind on how to project my voice, when to pause and when to let the laughter (hopefully) run. Nerves are a funny thing and to be honest I have lost the memory of speech forever. I can imagine if I ever do review the DVD it will be somewhat of an outer body experience. The only thing I can remember is leaving the stage with a tear in my eye and a contraction in my throat. I’d been searching for an ending to my speech for quite a few weeks and had only finalised on the Friday what, for me, Paul and Tracys wedding was....... Perhaps I had captured something a little too emotional.
Rob had the unenviable task of being the last man to stand. With aid of multiple props, stories and poetic timing he gave a performance which I hoped was not too dissimilar to my own.
General discussions around the speeches (which tend to happen a lot when you’re a best man making conversation with people you’ve never met before) was that they were all exceptional. I particularly took away Michael, one of the ushers, comments that he never been to a wedding where all the speeches were all so good. I’m glad people were of that opinion but what really struck me about the speeches was that each one was from the heart, there was no copy and paste from google, no obvious jokes - every word could have only been written about the people concerned and that makes it personal.
Speech over..... Best Man task number 5 - GET WASTED!!!!
I think at this moment was when the bride and groom cut the cake but it was also the time where the free bar opened up.... yes please!!!!! With only some light conversation in the reception bar to distract from my most important task.
Dim the lights spin the mirror ball and it was time for their dance to ‘your song’. I like first dances at weddings, perhaps for me strangely it is more a fusion of two to one than the ceremony itself.... I was particularly happy not to see Paul step on Tracys feet
Paul speech seemed to built up my reputation as a bit of a charismatic dancer.... with various requests ladies there was some pressure to perform - quickly trying to remember any ‘smooth moves’ from my very short salsa career I almost pulled it off till out came the body popping, walk like Egyptian, row the boat random moves. Still everybody took to fun and I had a great time spinning sliding and waltzing beautiful ladies all over the floor.
As the night progressed, those from the ‘old Kudos crew’ (a large and very tacky nightclub we used to go to and think was cool when we were 16) became quite aware that DJ had a play list created by our host. Familiar sensations to our ears it was time for the bride and groom to grace the floor once more with their guests... a finale to commemorate a perfect day - hugs, smiles and laugher all round.
As the lights came the hotel guests and assembled entourage went to frequent the hotel bar... where we were to find lots of booze and a Hen do waiting - for the second time of the night/morning our party was temporarily without a home until Pete offered up his hotel room and mini bar.
Hanbury Manor as you would think is not the cheapest of places to get a room and to use it for only 3 hours possibly makes it the most expensive it my most expensive per hour residence e yet. We had all talked about getting up early the next day and having breakfast. Again Hanbory Manor offered us an exceptional venue with some scrumptious food. Three servings later I begun to feel I had got my moneys worth.

When it was time to say goodbye emotions ran high again..... it had been a long time since I’d seen Paul and to share such an amazing day with him and his new wife was worth 48 house on a plane. Realisation set in that this isn’t where I live anymore and it will not only be a while before I see them again but I simply won’t be a regular fixture in their married life which has just begun.
In every respect it had been the perfect weekend. It’s an amazing experience being best man and something I will quite simply never forget!!!!

The End.

I could write a blog about writing the speech as it is no easy matter but I will post it up here.....

The Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Stuart and I have the privilege of being the first of Paul’s best men. As such, it is with great pleasure that I get to thank Paul for his kind words about the Bridesmaids, Corrine, Viki and Chris.
Indeed they are only eclipsed by Tracy herself, who I’m sure you’ll agree looks stunning today………. and Paul who just looks… well stunned!

When I first sat down to write this speech two things struck me. First that with both the bride and groom being successful solicitors my audience was likely contain quite a few other members of the law faculty…….. This normally would not be of concern but today I’m here to speak to you about Mr Paul Chases

For my own protection as the best man I am granting myself immunity from any libel issues, will be overruling any objections and quashing any later appeals.

However I will be studying at the bar later and any donations to the ‘Best Man’ drinking fund will be warmly received.

Moving on, as like Paul I bill by the second.

07/07/07 is the most exclusive date on which to get married it is also the date on which the new seven wonders of the world are announced. To coincide with this I thought I would announce Seven wonders of Paul.

1) Absolutely zero inhibitions - Not that I want to build on the Swedish stereo type but why does Paul like to sit around naked?
2) Severe Perspiration - I’m hoping that’s why he does sit around naked.
3) His rare and unique dancing style - Apparently this also happens in the nude although only Tracy and the cat carry the mental scars.
4) Superstition - given his perspiration I was particularly concerned when he didn’t change or wash his clothes for all his A level exams.
5) Food - The only person I’ve ever seen order two steaks for breakfast.
6) Why does Paul spend so long in the bathroom?
And lastly the greatest wonder of all
7) How did he get Tracy to the altar today!

Of course it's also traditional for the best man to tell a witty anecdote about the groom, something that gives an insight into his character and best of all embarrass him.

I first met Paul at college. Both of us had recently passed our driving test and swiftly purchased our first wheels.

Mine was a fairly modest silver VW polo. Paul however had been slightly more diligent in saving up and had purchased 1.6 Vauxhall Astra. You might laugh today but back then this would have been quite an enviable car for a 17 year old had it not been a hideous shade of mellow yellow.

To tackle this most of us would have invested in some go fast stripes but Paul decided to pay a specialist graphics firm to design and paint a one off mural to go on the side of his car.

The car now, in Paul’s eyes at least, looked cool but lacked sound. We embarked on this project together and set aside two days where we would work together on our car stereos.

The first day’s productivity ended up with one wire going from my bonnet to the boot after which I swiftly lost interest.

Paul, never lacking in commitment, enlisted Inga as a replacement for me and for the next 6 months, mother and son transformed the mellow yellow into a dual amp 11 speakers combination which could compete on decibels with the local night club.

The vibrations were so great that when stopped in traffic the wing mirrors would shake. Passers by now had two reasons to gawk at the mellow yellow!

Obviously the Max power obsessed boy I speak of, is not the man sitting in front of us today and having known Paul for half my life

I have been lucky to witness and accompany him through our transition in to adulthood…….. which in paul is a work in progress…… that is to say the mellow yellow days are not quite over!

Paul as I’m sure Tracey would concur would not be Paul with out these peculiarities.

I am glad I could be here today. I am delighted that I am best man but what gives me greatest pleasure is that my best friend has found beautiful and intelligent wife who loves Paul as Paul.

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Photos

laughs all round
Ushers, Best Men & The Newly Weds

The Last Supper
'I'll have everything on the menu then'

The last Breakfast
Reeeelax

The The Musketeers
Rob, Paul and Me

Super Mum and The Best Man
outside the church

A Royal Departure
Ware was unusually excited about the wedding

3 men and a little lady
Bride, Groom & two Best Men

Your Song
Your Dance

The Ladies
all seemed to be inoculated against the best mans charms?

The Morning After
Two servings of everything

Speech reactions
Live by the sword die by the sword

Get a Honeymoon suite
Pleze!!!

Breakfast
Dark Glasses recommended