Longing...

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I'm always surprised by how much I love London. Every time I'm there, its energy overtakes me, and I never want to leave. I'll never get sick of London. I've got to find a way to live there! Find a job, find an apartment, and live there for a year or more (if I like it enough).

But when would I do the Peace Corps? That's something I know I must do in my life. I want to serve in a developing country and learn another language and how to live off the land.

But when would I go to graduate school? Higher education in the US is so expensive; I might just go to school in London or another country where it's cheaper.

My eyes hurt.

I'm tired.

It's late, but I can't sleep.

I want someone to hold me. I want a job I love. I want to feel happy and free.

Men here don't even notice me. Do I even exist?

I miss all the honky-tonks in Nashville where people play for tips, either just for the fun of it or to try to hit it big. I miss the good music, the fun dancing, the cowboys and southern gentlemen. I miss how a man can make me feel beautiful. Does that make me weak?

When I was in Murfreesboro over Christmas, it was nice to be back there. I had missed the Boro and considered moving back. Tonight, I realize that I can't. It's not my city anymore.

There's nothing left for me there.

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