Manchester mayhem at super stag-night

---

Fizzer, one of the lads I went to Menorca with last year is about to tie the knot so his brother organized him a stag do in Manchester.

Wilco and I were playing cricket in Blackpool so after the game caught up with the crew who were already well on their way.

I thought I’d give you a bit of background on some of the characters there:

Fizzer: Like’s to take spa’s with his cell phone and would still be passed out on the grass outside of our hotel in Menorca if Jacko hadn’t have carried him to his room (and I for that matter).

Miser: Is such a drunkard that he owns flip flops (jandals to you kiwis) with built in bottle openers. Enough said.

Timmy Preston: Drinks about 25 ciders on a night out and tells ladies that they have nice teeth.

Frank & Steve: The two oldest of the group, and yet the two most likeliest to be out latest.

Mark: Frank’s understudy, always drunk, so much so that he thinks my name is Brian.

Wilco: Fire extinguisher + Wilco + Beer = Carnage.

Toddy: At the stag do had a shot at the bar, turned and puked all over the floor.

Doghouse Daz: Was so drunk that he fell through his chair whilst dancing. Too make things worse it was at a national darts competition and it was broadcast on national television. I really wanna see a video of it.

Big Ade: Once played a football game with Wilco whilst so pissed that he didn’t know he had broken his arm until the next day. He couldn’t believe it when Wilco guessed how he had broken it, for he was so drunk that he forgot that Wilco was even playing and that he had given him a ride to and from the game!

Fizzers old man: I have never met him and was supposed to at the stag do, but he went awol and when Fizzer rang him later in the night and asked where he was, he replied “I’m in my living room”. He was so drunk he had got a train all the way back to Barrow.

So as you can imagine it was an eventful evening. We managed to get into one bar by convincing the doorman that we were all in the navy. I don’t know how that helped us get in, but it did.

My highlight of the night was as Doghouse Daz and I were walking back to the hotela round 5 in the morning. There was no one else in sight except for one guy about 30 yards away. Doghouse Daz picked up a pamphlet off the sidewalk, said “watch this” and proceeded to hurl the pamphlet right into the guys back. It was a one in a million shot, which wouldn’t have hurt, but the guy turned in shock, looked at us, and … I don’t know we had already started legging it back to the hotel.

The following morning, there were a few sore heads, but it was a big brekkie and back into it. The bus ride home was crack up with everyone going through football chants. Such as:

His father is his brother,
His sister is his mother,
They all shag each other,
The Neville family.
(About Gary and Phil Neville, sung to the tune of ‘the Adams family’)

and

Put your hands up for Durk Kuyt, I love this city
(about the Liverpool striker, sung to the tune of ‘put your hands up for Detroit, I love this city’)

I also liked a newspaper heading they were talking about. A team in Scotland called Caledonia beat Celtic in a major upset, the headline read: ‘Super Cali go berserk, Celtic are atrocious’

---