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Published: August 26th 2005
My mom and stepfather dropped me off at the airport in Houston yesterday (actually it still feels like today - it is all running together - which I guess happens when you get two hours of 'sleep' on an airplane). A few tears were shed but for the most part I am just excited about this whole trip (but I will miss all my wonderful family and friends). Unfortunately my trip did not get off to a good start. In Dallas my flight was delayed for two hours so I missed my connecting flight straight to Olso. So now instead of arriving at 9am I am going to arrive in Olso at 4pm (which is the reason I am able to write this entry - a 3 hours lay over in London). I am pretty tired but will be thankful when I get finally get there and get settled.
I abruptly ended my previous entry so I'll put here what I was going to say next. Another interesting question I got regarding this trip was what do I fear most (we had just finished watching 'Coach Carter' so that may have been what elicited the question). Here is my reply to that question (which was a harder one to answer):
When I was studying for the bar and it loomed closer I realized I have a great fear of men (something I want to work on overcoming this next year). Specifically I have a fear of failure, or failing in the eyes of my parents and friends. As one of my friends put it, I've spent all this time preparing (lots of school) and now it is time to perform. Or as my dad jokingly says I am investment that should start paying out. Even though I know there is no way I can come back from this trip and not be a better person, I still struggle with thoughts of what happens when I return (do I practice law, or again choose not to use my degree - and what will people think). It is such a silly internal struggle that almost kept me from coming on this trip. Thankfully God is bigger than that and showed me His plan is an awesome one and even though I don't have all the answers (& probably never will) trust in Him, seek first His kingdom and there is no way I can fail (plus it is He who is the judge, not my friends or family). One of the scenes in 'Coach Carter' kind of hit on this: (some websites say it is by Nelson Mandela in an inagural speech & others say it is not, I am not sure but I like it so here it is below).
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'
So this year I am going to work to overcome that fear. I will seek to follow Paul's advice in Phil 2:14-16a
'Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you SHINE like stars in the universe as you hold out the world of life.'
God blessed me with what I have and who I am so I am going to let my little light shine!
Okay off to catch my plane, next stop Oslo.
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