Sitting at London Heathrow


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August 25th 2005
Published: August 26th 2005
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My mom and stepfather dropped me off at the airport in Houston yesterday (actually it still feels like today - it is all running together - which I guess happens when you get two hours of 'sleep' on an airplane). A few tears were shed but for the most part I am just excited about this whole trip (but I will miss all my wonderful family and friends). Unfortunately my trip did not get off to a good start. In Dallas my flight was delayed for two hours so I missed my connecting flight straight to Olso. So now instead of arriving at 9am I am going to arrive in Olso at 4pm (which is the reason I am able to write this entry - a 3 hours lay over in London). I am pretty tired but will be thankful when I get finally get there and get settled.

I abruptly ended my previous entry so I'll put here what I was going to say next. Another interesting question I got regarding this trip was what do I fear most (we had just finished watching 'Coach Carter' so that may have been what elicited the question). Here is my reply to that question (which was a harder one to answer):
When I was studying for the bar and it loomed closer I realized I have a great fear of men (something I want to work on overcoming this next year). Specifically I have a fear of failure, or failing in the eyes of my parents and friends. As one of my friends put it, I've spent all this time preparing (lots of school) and now it is time to perform. Or as my dad jokingly says I am investment that should start paying out. Even though I know there is no way I can come back from this trip and not be a better person, I still struggle with thoughts of what happens when I return (do I practice law, or again choose not to use my degree - and what will people think). It is such a silly internal struggle that almost kept me from coming on this trip. Thankfully God is bigger than that and showed me His plan is an awesome one and even though I don't have all the answers (& probably never will) trust in Him, seek first His kingdom and there is no way I can fail (plus it is He who is the judge, not my friends or family). One of the scenes in 'Coach Carter' kind of hit on this: (some websites say it is by Nelson Mandela in an inagural speech & others say it is not, I am not sure but I like it so here it is below).
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'

So this year I am going to work to overcome that fear. I will seek to follow Paul's advice in Phil 2:14-16a
'Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you SHINE like stars in the universe as you hold out the world of life.'

God blessed me with what I have and who I am so I am going to let my little light shine!

Okay off to catch my plane, next stop Oslo.

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26th August 2005

fear
Psalm 8: When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers.......the moon and the stars you have set in place what are mortals that you should care for us? For you made us only a little lower than God and you crowned us with glory and honor. You put us in charge of everything you made, giving us authority over all things-the sheep and the cattle and all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims the ocean currents. O Lord our Lord, the majesty of your name fills the earth! Brandy there is only one fear that I have .(To look back someday and think I should have but I DID NOT).You have nothing to fear, you are on the road to a well lived live.I am proud of you , I am envious of you and I am excited for you.All my love and respect Dad. ps. you spiritual self is fine allways watch for the phyiscal that might harm you. keep your eyes open.
26th August 2005

Well Said
Brandy I am in serious tears right now. I can barely get through what I want to say. I feel like this all the time. I wonder all the time who am I really. I have always had a good life, parents who took care of me and good friends. But no one really knew my personal struggle I have. I have lived in my brothers shadow until I decided that enough was enough. People thought I should go to SMU college because Eric did. I did not want to do that. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. As for being afraid of men. Hey join the club. I was the same way Brandy. My father was a good dad but a not so good husband to my mom, so I grew up resenting that. And also I saw how my brother treated women, so I was really resenting them. Sometimes I regret that I didn't go to veternaian school, or that I didn't continue to model, or finish flying lessons to become a pilot. But you know I ask God everyday to put me where he see fit. And you know, if this will benefit your life then go for it full force. Do not feel guilty about maybe not wanting to practice law. I have several friends that feel and felt the same way. In fact I have a friend that is getting out of law because he said he doesn't feel fulfilled and appreciated. So remember this, only what you do for God will last. You have truly touched my heart. Please Please don't be afraid to be who you want to be and not what others think you shoud be. Love ya and praying for you Tasha
26th August 2005

I'm proud to know you
While reading your post I was really moved. Remember how Saul was training under Gamaliel and was in line to become the next head Pharisee...he had been training his entire life to live by the law, and yet when God called him and he became the Apostle Paul he wandered around from city to city preaching and working as a tentmaker, even being thrown in prison several times( His mother must have been sooo proud :). The training he had recieved as a student of the Pharisees and his high place as a Roman citizen were used by God to reach the Gentiles. Paul gave up so much in the eyes of the world- he could have been the most powerful Jew in Israel, as the only leaders under Roman occupation were religious ones, but we do not walk by sight but by faith. We do not see things through the eyes of the world. Let your light shine on a mountaintop and not under a bushel, so that you may inspire others to do the same. It's so great to see that you care about people but not about what they think. May God Bless all your journeys as you live life more abundantly day by day. -J.J.

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