World Apology Experts

---

We decide to spend the morning exploring Hyde Park, and start our visit at the ornate fountains and stonework of the so-called Italian Garden.

We continue south along the not particularly imaginatively named Long Water. Issy says that she doesn't think some of the names of the Underground stations are all that imaginative either given that they include Embankment, Arch, Borough, Temple, Oval and Bank. She adds that she doesn't think much of the imaginative powers of the person who came up with the name of the area around our hotel either; it's just called More London.

We reach the bridge that marks the start of the Serpentine. I think I remember that the swimming leg of the triathlon in the London Olympics was held here. The water doesn't look very clean, and Issy asks me if anyone died during the event. There are signs saying that swimming's prohibited, presumably due to the polluted water, but it seems they made an exemption for the Olympians. I wonder what these finely-tuned athletes thought about having to swim in a lake that was deemed too dangerous for the general public.

We see a squirrel carrying an acorn. It's unbelievably cute. It comes right up to us, and we take its photograph. I think that squirrels are probably quite common here, but they're a novelty to us. There are also masses of ducks, swans and geese lined up along the banks and swimming near the shore. They all seem to be very tame. Some of the swans are asleep on the path and they don't move unless you actually touch them. They must feel very safe.

There are deck chairs scattered everywhere, and Issy remarks that it's good that they have these here for people to sit in. We then notice a sign that says that you need to pay to use them. This takes the gloss off it a bit. You pay by the hour, and the rates get cheaper if you buy more time. They even offer a discounted season ticket for students. I wonder how much study a student would get done if they spent the whole summer sitting in a deck chair in a park.

We pass the Princess Diana memorial fountain, and the statue of Peter Pan, both of which we heard about on yesterday's bus tour.

The park is massive, and we remember the commentary on one of the bus tours which said that it's bigger than the entire Principality of Monaco. There are lots of runners and cyclists here, and even an area set aside for horse riding. I wonder where people have room to keep horses in the middle of London. That would be one expensive set of stables. Some parts of the Park have been left to grow quite wild, and these look very natural.

Next stop is Harrods. It looks like there's not too much you can't buy here, and a lot of it seems very upmarket with entire departments dedicated to selling luxury clothes and expensive looking jewellery. We see a sign directing potential purchasers of aircraft to the store's "Plane Department". Even the lifts look upmarket; Issy says they remind her of oversized jewellery boxes. At the other end of the scale there's a department that just looks like an everyday supermarket. We go into the technology department where the shop assistants all get around on space-age two-wheeled electric vehicles that look like Segways without handlebars, which they steer by leaning in the direction they want them to go. An unrepresentatively large proportion of the clientele look to be wealthy Middle Eastern tourists for whom the affordability of the merchandise on offer is probably less of an issue than it might be for the average Londoner. We decide to buy lunch here and eat it in a park. It is, perhaps unsurprisingly, very expensive. The shop assistant asks if we want to pay for our pre-made roll, a pre-made sandwich and two small bottles of soft drink in Pounds or Australian dollars. I feel like I'm buying a car or a house. I opt for dollars; 33 of them. The sandwich and roll were both about a staggering $12 each.

We catch the Underground to St James's Park and eat our Harrods lunch sitting on the grass. We listen in as one of the two girls sitting on the grass next to us tells her companion about all the problems she's having with her boss. Even if only half of it's true her boss would still be the embodiment of all things evil. Issy says that her boss's ears must be burning. She then asks me how we can be sure that people don't talk about us like that. I'm not quite sure why she thought it necessary to ask the question, and I'm now wondering whether perhaps she's trying to tell me something. I was quite enjoying my quiet lunch in the park, but I'm now feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

Next cab off the rank is Buckingham Palace. Apparently the Queen goes to Scotland for a couple of months every year, and they then open the Palace to the public while she's away. We heard about this before we left home and pre-booked tickets. The security screening is not dissimilar to that at an airport.

I wonder why the Queen always goes to Scotland for her holidays. Surely it can't be to get away from the heat; there is no heat. Isn't the Queen the head of state of places like Bermuda, and half the islands in the Caribbean? If I was the Queen I'm pretty sure I'd opt for one of these paradise-like destinations, and I'd go to a different one every year.

Our tour is of the Palace's State Rooms, which Issy says she thinks are even more impressive than those at Versailles. The rooms house a large art collection, including works by Rembrandt, Rubens and Van Dyk, as well as a large collection of marble statues. We pass through the Investiture Room, where Queen's Honours are bestowed. My father was awarded a CBE, and I think this might have been where he came to get it. One of the reception rooms has a large full length mirror on one wall, which apparently disguises a secret door which the Royals can use to escape to their private apartments without being noticed.

The stunning State Ballroom is set up for a banquet for visiting Heads of State. It has a large pipe organ on a mezzanine floor at one end. We watch a video on the process for preparing a State Banquet. The room setup takes two days. The tables are in a U shape, and the Queen always sits at the head of the U. The guests all get six wine glasses. I didn't realise that Heads of State were such big drinkers. If I was the Queen I think I might be a bit worried that one of them might overindulge, say something offensive to someone sitting near them, and inadvertently set off World War 3. Setting up the table is a very precise art. Rulers are used to make sure that the tablecloths overhang by exactly the same amount on all sides, and that the cutlery's all evenly spaced.

The crockery is described as being irreplaceable. One of the staff on the video says that washing the dishes then becomes a very high pressure and nerve wracking activity. They wash everything by hand, and they're not allowed to use rubber gloves, because this apparently tends to dull the feel and make it more prone to be dropped. I wonder what they do to you if you do drop something and break it. The Tower of London didn't seem to still be in active use when we were there a couple of days ago. I'm glad it's not me who has to wash the dishes here.

We leave via the huge and very impressive Palace gardens, with their extensive manicured lawns, huge trees, and at least one large lake full of geese and ducks. The Queen holds garden parties here every year following a tradition established by Queen Victoria. We hear that she only has about a month to go now until she overtakes Queen Victoria as Britain's longest ruling monarch.

It's peak hour on the Underground and the trains are packed. They're so frequent that no one seems to bother rushing to catch them, which is in stark contrast to the services we're used to back home. There are also very apologetic announcements for any very minor glitches in the system. We've noticed that the British seem to be world experts at apologising, even when there's seemingly nothing to apologise for. A young boy accidentally brushed against me very gently when we were in the Tower of London a few days ago, and then spent the next several minutes saying sorry.

We've booked to go to the theatre tonight. We dine at an Italian restaurant in the theatre district. I order a dessert that comes with coffee which my spoon stands up in, and which I'm apparently supposed to pour over my ice cream. It's been a long day and I was a bit worried about falling asleep during the show. I don't think this will be a problem now.

We have a bit of time before the show starts so we wander down into Trafalgar Square. They told us on the bus tour yesterday that this is where Londoners come to see in the New Year, because they can get a clear view of Big Ben as well as views down The Mall to Buckingham Palace. They then added that you'd only do this if you could put up with the cold. I wonder why anyone would live in London if they couldn't put up with the cold.

The show is at the historic 1889 Garrick Theatre, and is "Let it Be" of Beatles fame. We have no idea what to expect, and we're a bit worried. The tickets seemed quite cheap, and none of the myriad of billboards we've seen all over the Underground advertising live shows have made any mention of this one. It turns out to be absolutely fantastic. It's effectively a two hour Beatles concert. They play the songs roughly in the order that they were released, and the "Beatles" change costumes through the show to reflect what they would have worn at the time, including one whole set in full blown Sergeant Pepper's garb. The audience is encouraged to sing, and to stand up and dance, which everyone does very enthusiastically. The theatre's packed, so the atmosphere's great. We agree that tonight's been a real highlight.

---

Photos

Deck Chairs for Hire, Hyde Park
Students can hire a deck chair for a whole season at a discount. I wonder if many students study here?