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Published: October 20th 2008
Oddly enough there are several thoughts coursing through my mind...
Like, for instance, do some people really have such full and happy lives that when other interesting and pleasant (what a bland word), scratch that, instead, do random interactions, pleasurable or otherwise, really fall by the wayside amongst the vibrant and turmultuous ride that is their normal life? So many crossed paths, forked roads, risks observed, taken or ignored, blows cushioned, glances and smiles shared, moments passed but where is the recognition? Does there need to be recognition? Where is the meaning? Or why should there be meaning? And when should you stand up and wave and say 'hi, I want to come along for the ride too'? How do you become part of that ride? Or if you do that, would that create immeasurable problems/challenges for the sake of being afraid of missing out on something?
I have made a decision. I am flying back to Australia on Friday December 19th and will arrive, via Singapore, on Saturday 20th December. Wow. Big news, huh? To be honest, I have been lost in this crazy town for a while and booking in these flights has given me more perspective and focus. I want to go back to Perth and see all the lovely people and places that I have been missing so terribly. I am quite sure that seeing the airport and the ranges in the distance will be enough to make me cry, let alone making it through the arrivals area, through those damned doors that I have spent so much time watching, waiting before now. I have this image in my head of just collapsing into tears, violent tears, sobbing. A sense of relief and release at being with the people I love. Although, I had the same vibe that I would be in tears when I left and that didn't really happen so maybe it won't happen that way. I can just sense the emotion locked down in my bones.
But, all the same, I am still going to be at sea. I'm not ready to settle down again. Where would I go? What will I do? What do I want from the masive world that will make me content? My friend Matt, formerly of Melbourne, now of London but desperately seeking New York, that I chat to most days on msn while I'm working, said today that I need to meet someone before I can settle down. That essentially I am floating about looking to harness myself to someone. And to a great degree I think that may be true. Not in the way that I need to find meaning in someone else, but having that someone else that I can't tear myself away from would help me put parameters on this massive menu that has been placed in front of me. And until now, finding someone in my life would have prevented me from the learning that I have been able to do. But damn, being able to share the sights, sounds and smells...that would be great. And maybe, I won't find that person, I will find people, friends that share bits and pieces along the road. And that would be ok, if I could just lose this ache.
In any case, in all the decision making, I have also got to quit my job that was supposed to just be a way of earning some cash to fund more travelling. I definitely think that it has been more than that. I have grown a lot professionally, and in the last couple of weeks I have met some great people which is reassuring. Note - intelligent people are incredibly attractive. There is a lot to be said for a man you can have an intelligent conversation with, someone you know can make decisions. I think that may be something that has been a recurring observation throughout my travels. Anyway, I have found myself being paid to visit Scotland, one of my favorite places in the world, working in Edinburgh, St Andrews and Glasgow. A week ago, I woke up and headed down to breakfast where I was seated in the bay window, overlooking the most famous golf course in the world and the beach where Chariots of Fire was filmed...whoa. Amazing what can happen in life if you go with the flow. All I wanted was a job to earn some money, learn a little...here I was being paid to take an all expenses paid trip, applying my knowledge of the university sector and essentially networking with a great bunch of people. Shame there wasn't more time for napping! But in the process of trying to figure out when is the best time to resign, all those issues of responsibility and justification and loyalty raise their judgemental heads. I know that this isn't the job for me, especially now that I am back working in the office, but ...I hate the thought of letting people down and that I will miss out of getting to know the people I have met. But, needs must, I suppose.
So there is just under 9 weeks until I fly into Perth, so I have some things to do. I have already booked my flights to Barcelona! I just have to book into the language course I want to do now - I don't know what is stopping me really! I really need to learn another language. I am so ignorant, or I feel like it anyway. And I am plotting a side trip to Prague, Vienna and Budapest, potentially flying into Berlin and then making my way by train before flying back to London from Budapest. So, I have to start booking some things, getting things in order so that I can get the camera out and start seeing some of the sights!
* I haven't written the Cornwall blog yet. I'm getting to it. The photo's are uploaded, give me a break.
* If I have the cash and time I may spend Guy Fawkes night in Scotland - pray I don't get blown up. Sainsbury's has 2 for 1 on fireworks. Sensible? I think not.
* I get to see Phantom of the Opera on Friday. How awesome! And I get to take Nan! Wicked sticks - we are going to have some fun!
* Beetroot takes forever to cook if you are roasting it
* I managed to get the central heating to work
* I swear too much for England but just enough for Scotland
* I'm onto R's now
* I have finally seen Gone with the Wind and Sin City. On the same day
* Haggis isn't that bad. Pretty good actually. Although I'm back to vegies now
* You all have to put up with my rambling because I don't have to many people here to talk to, thus the spillage onto the blog.
* Why do we wait?
* No one is getting Christmas presents - at this rate there won't even be Christmas cards.
* For the Perth-ites (that includes you ms Michaela, we just gotta win some lotto money), drinks at Mum's on Saturday arvo when I get in - drag you back from the airport!
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